record my dreams

so… another sex dream about Jerry. except there never was any actual sex and it’s all jim & stephanie’s fault. figures that being plagued by a vivid dream would bring me back here after being gone for so long.

I can’t remember why i was there but i walked alone into a restaurant in another city – like vegas? – and looky who was sitting thar alone at an elegantly set table. suit, tie, fresh haircut… nice. so i come up behind him and being the sexy aggressor i only really am when typing or drunk, i braced his shoulders from behind and breathed some words into his ear. Electricity charged between us and we were right back where we started but better. seasoned. aged. if you know what i’m saying. (trying to avoid using the term ‘experienced’).

so of course he wasn’t waiting for me (we were both on vacation ?), he’s waiting for his girlfriend = or at least, someone more familiar and comfortable than a date. She walks out of the bathroom and has his unbelieveable hair. It’s long, auburn to honey red, and has the most amazing dye job i’ve ever seen in my life. there are plaits of hair which actually have a plaid pattern (all tone on tone) to them. She also has fiber weavings – like really fine kente cloth woven into her hair – they seem somewhere between paper and fabric and wooly dreadlocks – but they are the perfect texture contrast to her hair. We’re introduced ? or maybe she held out a hand (I was gaping) and i rudely immediately started inquiring about her hair. Relative to everyday life it was completely over the top – like you would have seen it on stage in a broadway play that had a fantasy production quality to it – but never in real life because it was just too amazing. (thank you, imagination!) and I gasped, ‘that had to cost like $400!’ (making an ass of myself) and she nodded knowingly, ”$350 but it took all day.” So then we time traveled or something and were back in Travers Street. I like driving by that house once in awhile just to remember when. hot damn. so we were there and penny and john and maybe dan were there and since jerry was in town they were having a party. I’m pretty sure i heard john’s voice too and a lot of family members and friends… Jerry and I still had this physical familiarity with each other where we could stand near each other, passing things back and forth, elbowing each other, gesturing with the sort of a rhythm you’d only get from having been emotionally intimate. best friends or former lovers. and of course there was this incredible energy between us and we knew within minutes of being together again we were going to end up screwing. it was an awesome rush. eh, i miss it but at least i had it, right? At some point in the evening I had a heart to heart with penny (probably right in front of jerry) that these guys were all middle-aged now – if they weren’t married now it probably wasn’t gonna happen. Why have none of these guys ever gotten married. (?)

So… after a very fun party (well, that last part probably wasn’t much fun for jerry) i went into the bathroom and proceeded to have another hemorrage dream. odd, but meaningful. and then I woke up. ‘Cause hemorrage dreams always wake me up in the cold sweats.

I dream about the craziest most surreal things, I wake up felling as if I’ve spent the whole night doing things.. think i should record those things :D

dream 1) there’s a half man/alligator in my living room.
dream 2)i have a dark brown horse & muck out the stable.
dream 3)my house is haunted.
dream 4)i owned that horse again!

This dream was very bizarre and surreal.

Basically, I was at the top of the Harbour Bridge, alone, no harness or protective gear on. I fell from/was pushed off/jumped off (I don’t know) the Bridge. I thought I would surely die on impact, however, a sheet of glass (or perhaps it was concrete, I can’t be sure) broke my fall. I felt no pain, just numbness. I couldn’t feel my legs and blacked out. I awoke in a hospital, hooked up to an IV and an EKG/heart monitor with friends and family surrounding my bed. My legs were in casts and apparently the femur, tibia and fibula bones in both legs had shattered. I had also sustained head injuries. I slipped in and out of consciousness from then onward. Two days after my admittance, I remember slipping away, drowning in my own mind.
The next time I awoke, I was discharged. I recall returning home and asking my mother what day it was, mistakenly thinking my hospital stay had lasted three or four days at most. In truth, over a month had passed and that ‘slipping away’ was actually me slipping away into a coma. I later learnt from the hospital that I had gone into cardiac arrest whilst in a coma but was revived. I felt like I had lost my sense of direction and time.
There are several gaps and inconsistencies and the lack of flow is evident. What made this dream so surreal was that in the dream itself, I actually woke up. In my dream, I was stunned this vividly authentic experience had merely been a concoction of my mind and imagination. Simply put, I dreamt that I was dreaming all the above.

I dreamt I was in a library that was situated at the top of the Empire State building, (despite my being aware that no such library exists in actuality). The building was constantly swaying from side to side and as I looked out the window, people sensed my anxiety and reassured me that such swaying was normal due to the sheer height of the building. I remained unconvinced. Literally, minutes later, my worst nightmare came true as the building swayed too far to the left for comfort and commenced its descent to the ground. There was no escape and the dissonant screams and cries with the cacophonous noise of the structural fabric tearing frightened me as I approached my imminent death. I awoke before the building hit the ground.
The strange thing is, after waking from this dream, I experienced deja vu. I was very sure I’ve had this dream before, perhaps a year or two ago.

i love singing it took some time

fuck you: I keep dreaming that I am screaming ‘fuck you’ at my mom. In my waking moments, I have become more conscientious about my language and try to live my life without the need for such anger or strong language. Invariably, though, the frustration I feel in my dreams is at Mom not listening to me, which definitely is fed by real life feelings.

the beach: In a dream last night I came home to my house on the beach (definitely not where I actually live) to realize that I had become so used to living there that I did not even look at the ocean that morning as I left. I can’t imagine not taking even a moment in real life to stand in awe-some silence at the sight of it!

I dreamed that I was smoking a cigarette on a train. It may have been a band trip somewhere? but we were taking a train. Then I got in trouble when it started to smell like smoke and two cops came by and told me to put it away. I think that in the dream I knew that what I was doing was disgusting, but I wanted to or had to try it anyway. I woke up mad at myself.

Another dream involved a neighborhood (presumably mine, though it didn’t look like anywhere in real life), and at one point I was walking behind a little girl and a big French poodle. Girl and poodle matched in their poufiness. The dream also involved waking up early, or being woken up early, perhaps by relatives, and then I actually woke up to the sound of my alarm and felt that it was much to early.

Last night I dreamed that I almost got in trouble because a cop found the lid of a keg with my handwriting on it, and what he thought was a bag of pot taped to the underside of it. However, I informed him that not only was I of legal age to possess a keg, but also that the bag in question was, in fact, a teabag.

I didn’t even know who that was until reading Wikipedia. But now I realize that he wrote Lady Chatterley’s Lover, which I added to my “to-read” list last night. Still, weird. It was like a young D.H. Lawrence, and I was either dating him or hardcore flirting with him – in any case, I was following him around some building. I can vaguely picture the setting but not much else…except trying to tell my mother a story about hooking up with JC on a beach. What?! Ah, just remembered another scene: gathered around a big interactive map on the wall…of Asia? India was involved, and some other place – Malaysia, maybe? Details are hazy.