not be afraid of death

I definitely have a problem. I’m obsessed with people who have died or have gone missing (and most likely dead). I like to go to that site mydeathspace and missing persons sites to see why people (mostly people around my age, in their 20’s) have died or why they have gone missing. A classmate of mine was brutally murdered about a year and a half ago after going to a bar and being kidnapped. I think that’s when my obsession really began. I feel so scared of myself dying or those around me dying suddenly or horrifically. I know I need to stop obsessing about those who have died but I can’t stop myself!

It is not so much that I’m afraid of death but the pain that comes along with it especially not knowing how I will die. The Pain it will cause my family, my kids, and the physical pain.

Ever go to bed at night and as you shut your eyes you start thinging about death? I do. I have a hard time with feeling nothingness. The thought of not even having my inner thoughs scares me. No me. Ewwww