I’ve been going on Craigslist and looking at the “Free Stuff” section. Depending on where you live, it is UNBELIEVABLE what people throw away!
Someone was throwing out a 26” tube-style (not flat screen) television, right in my town! I saw the listing and hopped in my car right away. I live in a kind of upscale area. Upper-middle income people throw away some incredible things.
At the curb in front of a beautiful house with a big green lawn, sat the like-new TV just waiting for me. After putting it in my car, I found another online listing for a household about a mile from there that was throwing out other electronics. So I drove a few minutes down the road and got a free DVD player too!!!
So what about this day bugs me? My anxiety was acting up throughout the entire endeavor.
Driving to the house that had the DVD player, I was looking to turn right onto a small side street. This was while driving on a major, four-lane boulevard. The street came a lot sooner than I thought. I moved to the shoulder and, realizing the the turn was too sharp to make, I SLAMMED on the brakes. SCREEEECH! I came to a complete stop to avoid plowing over the stop sign for OPPOSING traffic. It came with two feet of my front bumper. On the blacktop behind my car, I left skid marks! Fortunately this side street was entirely empty, because my turn was so wide that I was on the wrong side of the road. I was SO EMBARASSED.
I’m a VERY SAFE DRIVER. I have NEVER had an accident, and that turn really made me feel horrible. Thankfully no cops were around. I could have gotten a ticket. It was an honest mistake. I really didn’t expect the street to come up that fast: I had to turn right coming from a 45mph roadway.
The other thing that bugged me was when I had to get this enormous TV out of my car and up to my apartment. It was EXTREMELY heavy, and I almost couldn’t get it in by myself. I nearly dropped it in the parking lot. I didn’t expect it to be so heavy, it really surprised me. I wish I had had some help, because I could have really strained or hurt myself. If I was not as strong as I am, I would not have been able to do it by myself.
When I got the TV in my apartment, it was so large that now I need to find a bigger piece for it to stand on, because my other TV stand nearly buckles under this new television’s weight. It must weigh over 70 pounds. And now I don’t know when or how I’ll go about solving that problem.
So a lot happened today. I got a huge television and DVD player at no cost. I also almost got into an accident, risked straining my back, and nearly dropped the TV in the parking lot. Any of those would have been a disaster. The stress of that sent my anxiety through the roof and I took a long nap at around 3pm to recouperate. Why was that so stressful? So many unexpected things happened. I don’t like unexpected things.
What did I really learn about myself today? I learned that I’m the type of person who loves free stuff and saving money. I’m also the type of person who likes to plan things well ahead of time. I do not like thinking on my feet and I do not like surprises.
I didn’t expect to get a TV today. I didn’t expect to get a DVD player today. The locations they were at I had to find on the road for the first time. I think it would have been a lot more fun if I had been able to go with a friend. Times like this make me wish I had a room mate, but in reality, he may not have been home.
I HAVE ANXIETY/DEPRESSION DISORDER. This is what anxiety-depression puts me through: even when great things like this happen, (free TV/DVD player) I feel awful about something! Very awful!
It really wasn’t easy to get that TV in here. But now that everything is done, I have some new stuff, I’m safe, the car’s safe, I’m going to just let all that go and enjoy my new prizes.
Why do I feel so bad about myself? I just keep thinking you almost crashed the car and you almost dropped the TV. Then what would you have done?
This goal really helps me let things go and control my anxiety. 19 months ago