Forgive myself for the way I've been

Though I am still kicking myself for not turning my life around sooner, I am truly beginning to stop blaming myself for the way I have been since I was very young. There is still some way to go, because I still feel bad about some things, but they are more to do with how they affect and hinder me now rather than how they affect other people. I just have to free myself more and then it will be easier to accept other people into my life.

I just wanted to post the wonderful message that Micheka sent me on the 19th January WITHIN 30MINS OF ME JOINING THIS SITE !!!!!!!!!!!! I was so moved that someone gave so much to help me when I was a wee bit tentative about starting here. She had to send them in a message to me because I had not yet added any entries. Her words are still breathing life & I felt bad that they were tucked away in my mail box. I asked her permission to paste them here because it is where they should be. I want other people here to see how sweet she was to a total stranger and hope that her words can also be of strength to other people who may view this page.

THANK YOU MICHEKA !!!!!
You made me feel so welcome here

Micheka (Micheka)
Washington, D.C., District of Columbia

Date:
Jan 19, 10:12AM PST
Subject:
Hey I saw your goal for Forgive Myself for the Way I’ve been

I would post under this goal but you haven’t made any entries yet. I think it maybe helpful for you to see my entry about Forgiveness under http://www.43things.com/people/progress/Micheka/888394

Forgiveness is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. I hope you really take this opportunity to let go and embrace yourself for the wonderful person you are. You’re goals show you to be such an enlightened and sensitive person. I hope you do take your musical compositions out and share them with the world. I hope you do learn to laugh long and hard and proud, and to speak to people from this wonderful gift that is your heart. Maybe you could start by making a list of things you want to forgive yourself for. Review it before bed, and say it outloud. Look yourself in the mirror when you are rising each morning and remind yourself that you are still a good person.

I’ve shut myself away from close human contact since I was 6 years old. I’ve just been putting up pretty curtains for other people to see so that they wouldn’t be able to intervene & pull me out into the light. I’ve been dishonest with everyone I’ve ever met, because I didn’t want anyone to see my pain. And I’ve tried my damn hardest to convince myself that I was doing it for my own good, therefore I’ve been dishonest with myself too.