Be accepted for who I am!

It’s almost Halloween and cos I’m into the spirit of the holiday, I usually put on some sort of headband with ears. Yesterday I put on some cat ears (today I’m wearing bunny ears). When I had on the cat ears, boyo’s best friend asked me what cat I was trying to be. I said me!

I’m surprised by that answer—for the longest I’ve felt uncomfortable in my skin, but now I feel good about myself. I’m also trying to let others be my friend, and try to be friendly, and it’s nice to have company. I’m still freaked out by being touched (only cos i’m highly sensitve to touch—someone could accidentally bump into me and it feels like I got knocked about). I desparately want to touch boyo and hug him frequently, but I can’t—it feels like I’m holding back. Maybe cos I love him so intensely that if i were to hug him, I won’t be able to let go.

I swear, I’ve had too much bad luck lately. Is someone cursing me that I don’t know about?? Well, hate on hater, cos you’re obviously jealous that I’m doing well (and I think I know who my hater is)!!

I had a laff at my roommate (the hater) cos yesterday I found out how bad his weekend was. I was feeling soooo badly cos everything seemed to be going wrong, yet my roommate wouldn’t/couldn’t sympathize. I said to the universe, I wish my roommate feels how I feel for one day, damn it! And he got it—for three agonizing days. He was not pleased. Seemed like everything just went wrong for him and man, did he have a righteous fit!

I think he realized how he’s been flaky to me lately when his friends flaked out on him. That’s what you get, hater.

I hate the scene I’m in. All they do is drink and party and I’m sick of it all. I’m sick of him hanging out with kids (they’re 18, some just turned 21). Right now, my roommate (my ex-best friend) is being an ass. He can’t accept the fact that I’m growing up, and he’s still acting like some teenager. He’s almost 30. Time to quit with the shit.

I’ve ignored him for 2 weeks, and now he’s picking on me to get a reaction. That’s childish. If you got something to say to me, then say it. Otherwise, leave me the hell alone.

My friend told me he’s pissed at me cos I refused him. I’ve said no to having sex with him 3 times altho I love him dearly (or used to). Then a few weeks ago, drunk and fooling around, I had to stop from going too far. He said, ‘Well, if we’re gonna be doing it, it’s gonan be just a fuck, and I don’t think you want that.’ I said yeah, cos I know he doesn’t love me and I wanted to be out of love. What I really wanted was some closeness, to be held, not to fuck. I tried to tell him this, but my brain is all stupid but I managed to get my message across. Apparently, he didn’t want it and left me in his room to sleep on the couch. I got up and told him again, but he pretended to sleep. Fine, that’s how it is, so I left him alone.

I ended up overhearing him telling his stupid friends that I’m angry at HIM for not fucking ME. WHAT THE FUCK? I don’t want you! what makes you think I’m angry at you? I’m angry at myself for thinking you were capapble of love so that’s why I avoided you. So his friends think this weakling is the shit now. Whatever. Have that skank you think you’re in love with. You are only with her cos you’re having regular sex. That’s not love. The only thing you love is beer, cigarettes, and drugs (weed, coke, X, etc).

I’m so angry that he won’t accept me for who I am, or his idiot friends. I’m not ‘hot’ enough. I got to straighten my hair, lose weight, wear better clothes. Stupid bastards! What makes you think you’re the shit? I got a good job and I can pay my bills while you are all scraping by and have your idiot girlfriends to support you. I’m sick of supporting him (he can’t pay the bills on time and has to pay me back). But he’s a smooth talker and will raise hell if I were to talk about leaving and he’s going to put me out where I’m the one that furnished everything in that supid apartment. He believes he has everyone wrapped around his finger. He’s gonna wake up one day and be alone cos people have had enough of his shit. I’m going to leave and not tell him. Pack up my shit and go, cos I know that dumbass will not listen to me. He’s going to twist everything I say and make me look like the bad person.

What makes it so bad is that we never fucked. I’m supposed to be his best friend, and he treats me like shit, yet his other so called friends he treats better. I’m thru with this.

We just did a pretty revealing assignment in Social Studies, and from that point on I get more of a feel of respect from everyone in my class. It’s AWESOME. I hope I can earn this back when I go to my new school.

I moved to Hawaii and found a bunch of friends who accept me for just being who I am. And I learned to love myself more just by being with them! I may be a clutz, airhead or space cadet, even random, too hyper/talkative/annoying, depressing or etc! But, to have friends that still call me and invite me out when I’m feeling down, give me advice when I need it.. love me even though I’m annoying and talk to me when I want to talk… I think it’s one of the best feelings in the world. I’m glad I”m surrounded by such great friends! I probably would never have met them if I had tried to fit in and be something other than my natural self! Thanks guys!! And you guys here on 43 things, YOU CAN DO IT!! You’ll find those people who accept you!!

to me life is pointless unless you can be happy for being yourself…the real you…the person you are reading from at this moment is the true me…if you dont like it buzz off…so heres my question…whats the point in living if you cant be accepted for who you are…

After a year of trying this, I have got nothing to show for it. All of my friends see a little part of me, but I have to keep most of it hidden. It’s all locked away deep inside, the true me has to hide, while the fake me roams outside, in the world. I hate it. No one seems to get me. I thought I could be myself around one person, but they betrayed me.

cuz if i am accepted then i will know that i truly love myself!!!

i mean wats the deal its like they hate me!

all my life ive been pushed around for wanting to be accepted for who i am they say im “odd” that im “not normal” ALL I WANT IS TO BE ACCEPTED FOR ME!!!