I finally found a timer to replace my dead ones. It needed to have a belt-clip and a 5-minute warning beep.

It also needed to go past 9 hours. I don’t actually usually use it for more than a few hours at a time, but if it doesn’t have a space or zero before the hour my synesthesia maps it as hundreds rather than hours and minutes. I’d never had one without a 4th digit until I tried to replace my broken ones so I didn’t know that until recently.

I can’t use a clock or watch so without a proper timer I’m a little lost. It’s like working at an office where you have productivity deadlines every 15 minutes but the hours on the clock vary from 5 to 300 minutes depending on time of day, day of the week and time of the year.

I already feel a little direction coming back. I’ve been able to stick to my todo list, for instance. 7 months ago

Looking back on it, I think I go through this whenever I have a style change. As if I have to walk through the underworld, leaving my old self behind, to emerge with my new prize. Or something. 8 months ago

I like the “new” design of my website (that is, the latest incarnation from a few months ago where I stripped all personal commentary, blocked all comments and made the splash page into an elegant, mobile-friendly, entirely HTML production that never needs updating).

But in comparing the data I may have lost when my backup drive crashed I noticed some things missing in my gallery. That led to shutting down all the auto-posting things because they weren’t working right with the Facebook page I set up and never visited and there was no way to add relevant hashtags on twitter.

That led to creating a new twitter account just for artwork (again) since the one I created just for artwork turned into commentary and a series of miniblogs I use as “notes to self” for my journal when I get around to updating it (again).

Sarcasm Because separating my personality from my product has worked so well for me in the past. end sarcasm

I’m trying again anyway because this time blocking all comments from my blog might have me in the right mindset for the “say nothing and other people will talk” Andy Warhol marketing thing. My sales did go up after that.

Facebook changed and allows me to “like” things and post as a page/business instead of a person now. That also in a way supports my goal of separating personal and professional since I can use the thing for promotion while insisting on zero friends.

Still trying to claw my way out of a funk, though. 8 months ago

No painting, no listings.

Part of that was because I subconsciously decided to avoid setting up the computer in the basement while we had repairmen and painters about upstairs, and didn’t bring down a sketch pad or the lightbox or my toolbox of current tools and materials.

I could use Grocery Day as an excuse but I was only gone two hours. 8 months ago

Yesterday was my biggest non-commission sale day ever. It should have given me a bump up but for some reason it didn’t.

Painting still feels a bit like a chore. It used to be the fun part.

I’m also a little worn out by the process of obtaining a business license in my new state. In my old state you just went online and paid 10 bucks, then printed the thing out and brought it to the bank and got your business account. Here it took several days over a few weeks (when I had time to search and call) just to find out what papers I had to fill out, and I still need to wait for the sales tax license to arrive before I can get the Occupation tax forms notarized, then I have to wait for that before I can get a bank account, and I may need to pay an annual tax on all the equipment I use so if the courthouse says so it appears I’ll have to inventory all of my paintbrushes and wire cutters and colored pencils, etc, and put a value on them. (Really?!)

Sigh. 8 months ago

I had hoped setting up my studio and finally painting something would snap me out of it. There’s really no reason for me to feel this way.

I had to give up sculpture when I got routinely overscheduled at work in 2010. I was pregnant by the time they hired enough people and my stuff is too small to manipulate with gloves so I still had to stay away from my clay. The doctor didn’t want me breathing in any paint fumes either. I enjoyed my time with digital paint but there’s only so far you can take it.

Then my studio was packed into storage boxes and it took over 4 months to actually close on the house after the offer was accepted.

So I have the house, I have the studio, and everything’s organized and easy to find, but when I try to do something it’s like I’m painting with lead brushes.

Part of it may be that I only have 15 minutes a day. I get up at 5:30 AM and paint from 5:45 to 6 AM. I keep thinking while the LO is playing I’ll have time to sketch or do listings or something, but I can’t concentrate then. It’s like trying to read a book while someone’s talking to you. That’s not to say he’s interrupting me. He’s perfectly happy sitting quietly for hours next to me with his crayons, books or Legos. The problem is me.

Also, we lost two cats to cancer in the last few months. One of them was the one who made me feel better when this happened. I don’t have a muse, genius or familiar now to snap me out of it. 8 months ago