identify the things that are sucking the life out of me and eliminate them

This morning was a mess….again. Running around, anxious, worried. and getting later each minute. The effect compounds itself.

This afternoon I started thinking about my ideal morning:

1. Wake up refreshed, with plenty of time to myself.
2. Go to kitchen, make tea and oatmeal (have those items set up the night before)
3. Do some yoga.
4. Take a nap (hahaha)
5. Get ready for work. Out the door.

I’m sure there are other ways of doing things – some of these are just convention I have fallen into. The key is, though, I want to feel peaceful and happy during all this. I hope that doing it can make me so (rather than the other way around?)

car inspection
bills
resignation letter
fridge

I have learned that some people (mostly men from what I understand) have evolved an ability to compartmentalize, meaning separate into distinct parts. To me it has implied a lack of ability to deal with one’s emotions (resulting in putting them aside). However I do not compartmentalize. I am aware of my emotional state at all time, I wake with it, I bring it to work, I go home with it, etc. As a result, I am swimming in my own emotional quagmire all the time, which sucks up mental time and energy.

There may be something benefit to my learning how to compartmentalize. Most people talk about it in terms of separating work life from home. Mine is somewhat the opposite.

It will take a great deal of conscious effort, but might make it easier to get through the day if I can tell myself to put aside “thoughts” and just focus on work, even if it is in small bursts, as described in this article:

“I remember being told that it is impossible to do two cognitive things at one time. A cognitive activity is defined as a conscious intellectual activity. Although for years I have prided myself on being able to do two or more things at once, I am beginning to understand that when multitasking my attention is divided, so I am not doing the quality work I would like. I also discovered that it often takes longer to do more than one thing at a time because of the fact that my attention is divided. The secret to getting things done and getting them done well is to compartmentalize and focus on one thing at a time.”

http://www.ezinearticles.com/?Compartmentalize&id=46682

Not a good idea to wallow in thoughts and old feelings :(

I have a whole list, but my wardrobe is number 1!

What are these horrible clothes and how did they get in my closet? I know they didn’t look this limp and lifeless in the store. Now what?

sometimes i really like reviewers: “Yet, in spite of these real strengths, I am unmoved by the submission [...]. I cannot shake the impression that all of this effort [...] was deployed in pursuit of small, narrow problems. [...] The finding is unremarkable and tedious, in my opinion.”

_{yes, yes, yes.}

editing this blimming paper word by word by word.

For example, “Many teachers falsely think that it is not correct to say that metacognition training for the sack of itself can be seen as not up-to-date.”

“Luckily” she’s left the German in for that bit, otherwise I wouldn’t have even the faintest idea what’s going on.

_{now where did i put my up-to-date sack (of itself)? am considering inserting head.}

my very easy, four-letter surname right. this woman is offering me 100+ pages to translate and i can’t take her seriously because she’s added a superfluous letter twice. i’m not going to translate for people who can’t read.

when my so-called colleagues are planning to send me some work by the way they greet vs. semi-ignore me in the corridor. happened again today.

bare move of head, grunt: no work coming up.
effusive movement of hand, smile: work in pipeline.

jeez, that’s so depressing.

of the bloody book arrived today. i looked at one for a minute or so, then put it away again. i thought it would make me feel like a proper person. i was wrong.

_{what the feck was i doing wasting 2 years of my life on that shite? i mean really. what the feck? and it’s just the biggest example of … well, everything really. feck it. damn.}