write a book of poetry

I’m starting to doubt my prowess. I’m staying to flake out on my book. Forgettaboutit, my inner editor says. You’ll never be published, my inner doubting self yells. I’m trying to make my inner editor shush up and my doubts cool down so I can just submit my work to this contest and be done with it! This step is proving more and more difficult. I feel as if I can’t let go of my book of poetry. I’m scared. I know it’s lame. I know that if I never submit I’ll never get anywhere. I’m in this terrible bind. I’m running out of time to edit. The draft is due November 15th.

I am just disgusting myself right now. I can’t let me do this to me. I can’t let myself down like this. I just need to TRY. Ok, ok ok …This is it. Right now, I’ve decided to open up my book and really read it. I am giving myself until Friday to get this book out of my hands. It needs to just go. Bye bye book of poetry, have a fun trip in the mail to be seen by the eyes of those judging the Walt Whitman poetry contest.

Here goes trying. I’m at a turning point. I’m not going to let myself give up. That is NOT an option. I will send this book in. It’s ready to go. It’s good. I’m good.

I did some editing today to the poems that E and I talked about. It was helpful to have E’s input. I just wish I could trust another person with their input. Or rather I wish I wouldn’t feel like I was putting people out by asking them to read my work.

The editing I did today was minor. I will do more tomorrow morning. Hopefully I will be less tired tomorrow.

I’m really working on making sure all the punctuation is crisp in my poems. This is a big deal to me. It helps me feel that they are “done” and “polished.”

Though I wonder sometimes if poems don’t need punctuation to work. Some don’t. I think it depends on the poem. I wonder if my style is such that I can change from poem to poem. We’ll see how all this pans out.

November 15th is the deadline. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll make it all ready by the 15th. I’m starting to doubt myself.

I am currently working on compiling the poems into a book. My goal is 50 pages, or 50 poems. At this point, I feel I need someone to critique it. I don’t know who to ask, who would help me with that. Who could help me choose what to leave out and what to put into it.

Right now I have 26 pages. Some days I think my poetry is good and other days I think it is completely terrible. How will I ever know what the world thinks of it if I don’t share it, though? That is the writer/poet’s conundrum. I’m determined to come out from under this. The book of poetry is due in 30 days…can I pull it off and mail it off by then? I hope so, because that would mean some progress has been made in this goal.

I’m really struggling with letting go. I know it will feel good when I do let go, I just need to keep cutting the strings that I am grasping so tightly to and release.

What is inside me is beautiful.
I have wonderful things to say.
What is inside me is beautiful.
I have wonderful things to say.
I am an accomplished poet.
I am an accomplished poet.
I am an accomplished poet.

I’m like Walt. Hello there, Walt!

I haven’t updated this goal in more than three years. A lot has happened. I graduated from college with a BA in history and English. I entered graduate school for creative writing with the intention to write poetry and ended up writing a memoir instead. I’ll be graduating with an MFA in January (knock on wood). I moved from Los Angeles to Pennsylvania to New York City and back to Los Angeles, where my parents live.

That said, I’ve continued to haphazardly write poetry in the margins of notebooks and on my hands in moments of inspiration, but I think I should read more poetry to be able to discern better what “good poetry” is… so that I’ll have an aesthetic.

Does anyone have a poem (or book of poems) that they would recommend? I’d like to read some from various sources to get a feel for what’s out there. Any (inexpensive) suggestions?

I’ve written more than enough poetry to make a book but I want the words to flow. I generally write for the moment and not with a theme in mind, so when I write the book I want to make sure that there is a commonality to each poem. I don’t want too much anger, too much love or too much political brashness. I want it to be readable and pleasing. Understandable and interesting. Something that I could pick up and read. Now, that’s a challenge.

I have always wanted to write a book of poetry because I love to write. Poetry comes so easy to me and it helps me put my life in prospective.

GiRlfRieNd, do you know what it means when I say I love you?
GiRlfRieNd, do you truly understand, I hope that you do
Girl the love I have for you I cannot control
Girl I would do anything 2 bring a smile 2 your face
I will always be there with a warm embrace
When you are hurting, I 2 will feel your pain
And when things get out of control
I will be there 2 keep you sane
My last breath will go to you
You need to understand my love is true
When I say I love
Know that it comes from deep inside of me
It’s not just three words, can’t you see?
It’s all of my heart and soul put into a phrase
If people knew how much I loved you
They would truly be amazed!

I have been writing poetry for years but I seem to become less and less inspired to continue. I love writing poetry and prose- hopefully I’ll find inspiration as well as motivation to write through new means…

begun as the goal: to publish a book. i think i was ashamed of it’s being poetry i didnt even mention it was poetry. as of writing progressively, i now have more respect for poetry. undeniably untouchable form of literature and human documentation. probable evidence of human existence.

for now. i believe that the beginning, as in to write poetry, is more important than the hype used to promote it. besides, if that’s an option you can go on rampage, and seriously go all out forcing the world to read your book.

i have such diligence as regards to this book of poetry. it is especially for my ancestors. it is an awakening of sorts. if it not yet that, i want it to become.

The time has come
The days are numbered
Daddy Please don’t go
You’re all we have
You’re all I know
Daddy Please don’t go
The time has come
The days are numbered
We all know your sick
But Daddy Please don’t go

In Loving Memory…10/11/08