Make more "real" friends

havent made any effort with this goal. i live in a pretty small village and there arent exactly throngs of potential friends hanging about.

but i will go and visit scott at his new shop soon. i’ve met him only a couple of times and barely know him but he’s featured in my entries here twice already- once for dreaming i was a princess (bless him) and once for giving me an unexpected gift. he’s very gay, so not likely to be making an appearance in the ‘have great sex’ section but he has the potential, i think, to be a possible real friend.

Today the woman from my email group came over—I was a little nervous but managed to not psyche myself out. I think the biggest concern I had was that I’d be disappointed if it was lackluster or we just didn’t connect very well.

But the conversation was interesting and enjoyable, her personality meshed well with ours, and the kids got along. We didn’t meet her husband but he sounds like a neat person. I’m pretty tickled about how well things turned out!

It has been such a challenge to meet intelligent, compassionate, free-thinkers in this area. Oh, and sense of humor is a BIGGIE for me, too.

It’s hard enough to meet someone with those qualities, but it goes deeper than that for me. Maturity is important, too—I mean, I’m goofy and silly at times but I want to surround myself with people who have a positive outlook and who appreciate balance and harmony. I don’t jive well with people who don’t have an interest in growing and learning. Also, it irks me when people don’t take personal responsibility for themselves—please deal with your shit and then get back to me, okay?

Also, I’ve met too many women who are in bad relationships. I feel for them but I can’t get caught up in that drama. DH and I have a good thing and we want to be around other couples who have healthy, fulfilling relationships. We LIKE each other, a LOT. We’re best friends. It just doesn’t work when we try to social with people who are constantly making derogatory comments about their spouse. Grow up!!

Fortunately all of my concerns about these things just dissipated over the course of the day as we talked and shared stories. I noticed a lot of positive qualities about her and we share a similar outlook on life.

The original plan was for a 2 hour visit over coffee, but we hung out and talked for nearly 7 hours! Wow. It was comfortable and fun—it just flowed. Yay!

I’m definitely interested in getting to know her better. I’m trying not to get my expectations too high because this is really still in the beginning stages but I think there was definite “clicking”.

A mom from one of my online parenting groups wrote me a couple months ago and said how much she enjoyed reading my posts and that she liked my unique take on things, she said I was very articulate. It was a really cool email.

She wanted to know if I was interested in getting together for a cup of coffee and conversation while our kids played. I thought it sounded like a good idea but had a LOT going on at the time so I put it off.

This week I dug that old email out and wrote her back, asking if she still wanted to come over. She does! So I think we’ll be getting together next Wed—she’ll bring her kids and something to nibble on and I’ll make the coffee and provide a space where we can talk and the kids can play.

I don’t know much about her, but she said in her email that she missed having real friendships, so it sounds like she is searching for the same thing. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we’ll find it with each other, but it’s definitely a good sign. At least I know that I’m not the only one who needs more connection!!

I’m looking forward to Wendesday and getting to know her a little better. I’m also a little anxious because I’m not used to having unfamiliar people over to this house yet, it’s just soooo far from what I’d like it to look like (so much work and painting and unpacking to be done).

I need to get over my idea of “perfectly presentable” and not let it stand in my way of meeting new people and enjoying the company of others.

In an attempt to get moving on this goal, I met up with a new group of people two weeks ago. I went with open mindset and I didn’t put any expectations on it, I just decided to join them for the evening and see what developed, if anything.

They were so nice and I got along with everyone, laughed and had a good time, but it didn’t feel like my cup of tea though.

I wanted to give it a second chance just to make sure, so I went back last week and hung out again. Like last time, I enjoyed the conversation but it wasn’t my scene.

I found out they have a pretty set routine (dinner and karaoke every week). I thought they did a variety of stuff but apparently not. I have a long list of fun things I want to do and weekly karaoke just isn’t one of them.

Overall, it was a positive experience because they were warm, friendly people who made me feel really welcome. But I don’t see a potential for any meaningful, lasting friendship to come out of it.

Most of them were a much older than me, which normally isn’t an issue but in this case the generation gap was pretty evident. I have young children, they have grandkids. I was checking email on my Blackberry; they were talking about the rising cost of stamps.

I also got ‘mothered’ a lot, yikes.

So, I’m back to brainstorming about ways to get myself out there so I can actually meet more people—maybe people closer to my age this time—as well as thinking about how I can be more receptive to new friendships so I don’t miss opportunities that come my way.

I’m trying to work on this goal of having more friendships by getting out in the world and meeting like-minded people.

Ugh, I’m not totally happy with that term ‘like-minded’ because it doesn’t really describe that I’m looking for.

Maybe ‘like-spirited’ is a better way of putting it? I don’t need friends who think exactly like me—I get so much from the back-and-forth with friends who have different perspectives, experiences, and interests. But I do share a set of core values (or traits?) with my closest friends, so there is something to that—there are certain areas where ‘sameness’ is critical.

Chemistry is important, even with friendships—at least in the deep, meaningful ones. There has to be a certain chemistry, a strong mutual attraction that says “we’re kindred spirits” or whatever.

Maybe some people would feel that I’m expecting too much, but I’ve had that special chemistry a couple times—and those are the friendships that have lasted the test of time and have been wonderfully rewarding.

I’m not looking for more casual acquaintances that barely scratch the surface. Those tend to be based on convenience or social networking. I want something deeper than that, so having that ‘click’ is really important. It’s not easy to find, but I know it does happen from time to time.

i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. i’ve always asked myself why i can not find “deep friends”. what I’ve come up with is that I either have so many values that i want in a friend that it’s impossible for anyone to live up to that laundry list of things. one thing i’ve learned though, is if i want good friends, I have got to become that person first.

that’s pretty much all i can think about right now

I’m a shy and quiet kind of person and I’ve never been interested in the things that are normal for my age group, so it’s always been difficult for me to make good friends. I thought that I made a bunch of friends at my last job, but I realize now that they were all just fair-weather friends. So I’ve decided to put myself out there and try to meet some real friends who aren’t just interested in someone to party with if and when they feel like it!

I haven’t had too many friends throughout my life – not ones who I feel really close to and can really trust. I know part of that is because I grew up as the fat kid and had such low self-esteem and that has come along with me through my adult life too. But I am really trying to change that now and to reach out to people more than ever and try to build up a solid foundation of friends. I know I can be a good friend too as I am loyal and caring and a very good listener and wild and wacky and impulsive! I will just have to be open to new people coming into my life and they will come..

Does anyone know what happened to Lotus/daringtomove? Her account appears to have been deleted, but I’m not sure if it was the 43T police or if she actually deleted it herself. I don’t recall reading anything from her in the last month, other than her moving overseas… hope she’s ok. Just seems weird.

I live in a city where alot of the people I knew just want to party, it just is plain sad is what it is.