be sure of myself

I suddenly don’t feel the need for this to be number two on my list anymore. Does that mean I am more self assured? Possibly I guess, or I just care what other people think as much now. One or the other, all I know is that I am really happy this semester. Yay for working on yourself and for yourself :)

wrote out an entry for each one of my things i want to do with my life

and what i found with a few of them was that im very unsure of some of things i want to do

maybe its not what i really want?

when i know what i really really want, there will be no fear, no uncertainty

only a drive to just do it, is that right? do people feel that?

am i right or wrong?

here i go again, being unsure, lol

i need to sit and contemplate what i really want

but at the same time aren’t i procrastinating

i think i need to meditate tomorrow…

a friend said to me, learn to be happy with what you’ve got now, maybe she’s right

there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me.

i just cut all my hair off (for the second time) and i oscilate from feeling so sexy and free to feeling like i look horrible. i sometimes want to go shorter and sometimes i wish it was so long again. i don´t know. i think that it looks good right now but earlier i was feeling horrible about it. oh to be a girl!

but that is just a sidenote of this goal. the real goal is to just embrace myself. not be nervous about what i say, wear, how i look (i am especially hyper-sensitive to this one right now because i am a foreigner so i don´t look like everyone else all the time anyways. i felt like i had found myself and confinidence and now i am just trying to blend in bc the guys are crazy here if you look like a foreigner-come up asking to be in threesomes and things- and so now my appearance is just shaken.) embrace the things i do and say and think and want. be the ultimate nurturer for myself. like my body-consistently! or just learn to not care bc these things are so temporary and stupid anyways!

ok
so resolution: be more sure of myself.

all that that includes.

i just wait to prove everyone wrong.
i’m excited.

esistono sogni che neanche immaginiamo, alcuni forse non vogliamo ammetterli e scriverne qui alcuni dei miei e soprattutto in italiano non so che senso avrà, forse sarà solo uno sfogo o forse sarà qualcosa che smetterò presto di fare, forse queste saranno le prime e ultime righe