feel happy

my life sucks righy now, because im lazy and so bored. i want to do loads of things but i dont or cant. i cant get a driverslicense, so i cant travel or drive where i want. i just sit in my dark room all day, watch tv,or sleep. i feel like crying all the time. Plz help and say what i culd do!

Im always feeling down every monring i get up till the time i go to bed,I cry myself to sleep most nights and i just wana to be happy,but i know i can do it i have to stop caring what people think of me and be happy,but i just dont know how to be,i have one life just one and i really want to live it to the full be happy and go places and see things but how can i if i feel like this? But from tomorrow morning i will try my hardest to get my confidence up tomake me happy xxx

coz on the whole I’m feeling very happy – and that’s mainly because I’ve found someone fantastic.
I don’t think that happiness can only be found if you’re in a relationship – there’s lots of other things in your life that you have to be happy with first.
I’m feeling happy now because I worked through some past issues about my health mainly – and I’ve got my head round that finally. Now, it just so happens I bump into someone who I feel very comfortable with and with who I just feel happy.
I don’t expect miracles or a happily ever after. But honestly, after the last few years I’ve been through – it’s so good to meet someone who I can feel like that with.
We’re off to Gloucester this weekend for a nice lil break – and I can’t wait!

and it was GREAT!!!
I had so much fun – not been so happy in ages.
I’m going out again next weekend.
It also helps that I met a nice man at the same time. We’re meeting again next week – hoohoo can’t wait.

AND make an effort with that guy I like. It’s too awkward. Especially when all the mates are around. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t throw myself at him, I can’t ignore him. But I can’t treat him like he’s just another guy / mate, coz I don’t feel about him in that way.
WAH. This is really annoying me. I need to concentrate on this final part of the degree. I also want to date him. But I can’t devote time to him when I have lots of work to do.
I can’t concentrate when he’s around, but I don’t want to leave when he’s around.
What to do, What to do? (as in the stylee of Miss Humpalot – or whatever her name is – in Austin Powers).
We only have a couple of months left – if nothing ever happens I’ll kick myself for being too laid-back about it. But I can’t be expected to do to much about it. Yarr, this is not that complicated surely.

He IS trying again… I guess this is the roller-coaster ride. He’s so nervous of being on his own with me – which I guess is not so good. But anyway, it happened that today we spent some time together – and ALONE!!! And it wasn’t that bad surely Mr!
I gave him a lift home coz it was raining and we FINALLY got to have a conversation without the others butting in.
FANTASTIC.

Since it’s mostly that subject I have included in here. It’s probably the only thing that really affects me emotionally I guess. So anyway.
That guy DOES NOT fancy me. How can he? He even picked his nose while sitting next to me in comp room today. At least that’s what the corner of my eye saw. For goodness sakes!
How can I fell so sure he likes me – only a few days ago, then now be sure he doesn’t?
Granted, I’ve been out of sorts the last couple of days and I haven’t really wanted to be all happy and joyful. It’s too much energy sometimes.
If he liked me he would be trying – and he’s not.
So there goes that one.
I was slightly gutted earlier – but I’ll have to get over it just like anyone else.
I’m absolutely convinced I’m never going to find anyone remotely decent who I feel content with.
Oh, whatever.

The best food ever!
Today was a strange day.
Workwise it went good. Otherwise it went shit.
I had a successful project meeting (hooray) – and a better than expected grade result for my engineering exam.
I went for a swim after Uni and outperformed my expectations once again (yeehah). I was in there for an hour and a half, and I didn’t really want to leave!
The weird part relates to my mates in Uni.
First of all – I go up to sit with the 2 guys and when I get there it looks as thought they’ve been talking about me. They go quiet and stare at me when I arrive. I’m like “What?” – and they’ve both got red faces – honestly!!
Then my mate changes the subject.
Later on, after my project meeting – the guys are not in the ususal meeting place – but elsewhere entirely. Don’t bother to let me know. They are NEVER in the computer room! Except for today!!
THEN – the same guy who was blushing earlier ends up sitting next to me – as well as the guy I fancy. I didn’t say much to him today. I’m pissed with him coz he hasn’t answered my email – or even mentioned it come to think of it. He never acknowledges me when he arrives either. He’ll say Bye though. Bloody hell – maybe I’m looking too much into it.
So all the guys are there – and well, it all just seems a bit weird. You know how you pick up certain vibes??
As soon as we sit down – the guy who blushed earlier starts joking with the guy I like – and then they all join in – teasing him about some girl he’s apparently met up with.
By this stage I’m quietly fuming. How dare my one big crush meet up with other girls?!? (haha)
I keep out of it – then they all shutup after a while. The guy I like says apparently it’s just her Dad he knows. Whatever.
So, that’s the bulk of it. I’m in no mood for playing doe eyes and happy laughs.
Admittedly, there is some ridiculousness when we comment on the register list. Wow.
I just feel awkward. Awkward and don’t know what to do. So I’ll do what I always do . Nothing and let it eat my heart out.

I’m feeling pretty pleasant. I’m in stupid slush mode with a guy at Uni – and enjoying every second of it.
We’re not even going out together (yet maybe). But that’s probably the best thing about it. Once we do – will it make things any better?
Don’t know. But if he asks, I certainly ain’t turning him down!!

I’m bloody brilliant. Stop putting yourself down girl. Get out there and show ‘em what you’ve got!! Stop worrying so much – people can take you as you are. Fuck em if they are not happy with that!!
What do you think?