be eternally optimistic

Had a bit of a sour week there with

- having to come back from Barca and leaving my spanish love :)
- The annoying and LOONG trip back home with the many annoyances
- The disaster back in the office
- and feeling a bit lonely

But I can say I am back and jolly again completely and love life:)

I was kinda drunk yesterday on my way home and I felt sooo happy I wanted to hug random things. Sounds kinda hippyish I know but I was just really really generally happy. :D

I am an eternal optimist and generally love life. Today I was walking around in Regents Park, thinking I could fly, the sun was shining, I was happy. I had practically reached my goal for the time being and it felt great and feels great that I can make things go my way. Might be a control thing. I guess you just have to set goals and achieve them – for me that is happiness.

Of course there is always a little shadow of doubt…am I happy? Am I just convincing myself? But why would I not be happy thats silly. I feel great. And I hope that doesnt fade.

I have been a bit of a loner in the past few years, experience has taught me not to rely on people. I am completely independent, maybe too independent for my own good. I practically need noone, my hapiness is not tied to anyone. It comes from within me and I dont feel it should come from anyone else as they shoulndt be the ones controling my feelings.

I speak to so many people here in London especially that classify themselves as sad people because they dont go out enough, think they dont have enough friends, think they are lonely. But whats so wrong with being alone? I have been for the past three years practically. You make and lose friends they come and go. You cant rely on them to be happy. Yes you do need them, the good ones do stick around, but if you dont see someone for a few months that doesnt mean you should feel sad and miserable.

I just spoke to someone who is pretty miserable and he seems to think since I am not constantly socialising I must be miserable too. Well I am absolutely not! Why would I need to go out when it wouldnt make me happy? Yes I go out too. Its not my favorite passtimes, but I do it.

Why do people seem to think the only key to happiness is to have a whole bunch of “friends” you can go out for drinks with? You can only have so many good ones anyway. So many people feel lonely and sad when really…they should just learn to enjoy their own company sometimes. I know I definitely enjoy mine. And often I would much rather do somoething I enjoy then go out for beers or something silly just so I wouldnt feel lonely.

Same goes for boyfriends ect. A lot of women go out with guys just so they wont feel lonely. Why are people so damn afraid of it? Its not like if they have a boyfriend their lives are solved. Or many friends to go out with for that matter. Does that really make you happier? I mean really?

My modest social life contains of the following:

- A few friends in London I go out with once a week
- Sometimes men that try and date me – not very long term things
- About four good friends I have made in my life who I travel with meet back home
- My lovely family
- My lovely colleagues
- My not so lovely flatmates
- Many many many people I randomly know and speak to often

I dont have a large circle of friends I can constantly go out with but to be honest – I dont need one! It would not make me any happier. And often you will find me in a big group of people but I truly only have a few people I consider friends and that is the way it should be. They are special. The rest are more buds really.

I guess the conclusion on that is that you can really only make yourself happy..yes others play a great role but you cant expect happiness from them alone. I think you are truly happy and content if you can sit alone and feel great. Which is what I feel – I am alone my fare share and I still feel great. And to be honest, sometimes when people invite me out I will chose to do something else I enjoy by myself. I am just not that much of a sociallite I guess. I enjoy speaking to being with people – but not too keen on the whole huge group thing. Occasionally yes. But being dragged around in a huge group of people who are constantly clubbing and comparing themselves to eachother – I never have done and never really wanted to.

I think my future partner is going to have to be similar. It is practically a turnoff when I realise a man is completely dependant on his buds.

I hope it won’t affect my great mood and love of life :)

I see too many people paying too much attention to the pessimists. I want to always bring the best out of every situation, always look on the bright side, always be positive. Its the only way you can really get the things you want. If you believe it will be good. And it really helps you be a generally more positive person.