get out of here

..is to get out of facebook.. which was what i did yesterday :)

If there’s any reason for me to go away for college and try my damnest to never come back, it’s to get away from my family. God, I can’t stand them. I love them, I do, but most of the time I lock myself in my room to get away from them all (but now that my laptop is being fixed and the only other computer we have is in the living room (where my brother sleeps), and I use it so often, I’m pretty much stuck “outside”.

I haven’t talked to my younger sister (16) for more than a year now since she let her boyfriend hit me and tried to say it was my fault, though I never raised my hand to him (let alone anyone). He made her stop going to school, I confronted him, yada yada, he hit me, she blamed me, and a year later continues to go out with him. Simply, I can’t fucking stand being in the same room as her. Funny how we used to be as close as twins.

My mom is a total hypocrite. She speaks without thinking, contradicts herself constantly, is always whining and complaining about everything, and is the most dramatic person I know (and not in a good way). She drives me insane. She has a real bad attitude. Sure, she buys me most of what I want and spoils me… but personally, most of the time I can’t stand how she acts. Sometimes I think she just doesn’t think. At all. I’m not a patient person, and even if I were I wouldn’t have the patience to deal with her.

My second oldest sister is an idiot. Horrible mom, horrible sister. She spends most of her time either at work or at our house, and I hate it. She tries to act like she’s an adult, and sure, she is, but she sure doesn’t act it.

My older brother… I think he irritates me even more than my mother, at times. He’s 25(?) and he’s STILL here. He had no intention whatsoever of leaving, and makes it a point to mention every day that he’s awaiting the day I leave so he can take my room. He’s a GROWN ASS MAN yet he acts like everyone owes him something. I can’t stand him.

I have two other siblings, and they are alright I suppose. My oldest brother lives in Floride, and I haven’t seen him in almost 2 years (wish I could say the same for the rest of my siblings). My other sister lives a few miles from here, and she’s quite likable (when she’s not being condescending and trying to play the “big sister has all the authority/ I’m right and your wrong” cards). I visit her often. Her, and her adorable 2 year old son who I absolutely dote on and her annoying-as-hell husband who I dream of killing because he’s that irritating. He likes to pretend that he’s above everyone else and that he knows everything. I draw the line when he tries to act like he knows me. You wouldn’t believe how much I hate to be analyzed. I hate it when people try to figure me out, assume things, and find reasons to justify my actions. I hate it.

Everyone in my family loves doing it.

I pretty much keep to myself. Give me a computer and you wont see my face for the longest. I don’t share my problems with people (real people I know, anyway), I barely talk to anyone unless there’s something I HAVE to say or need, I spend most of my time on the comp, reading, or writing (not social hobbies, as you can tell)... hell, I barely leave my room most days! I don’t understand why they can’t leave me alone, too. I value privacy more than I value eating, and in this house (with 3 siblings, my mom, nephew, niece, etc…it’s impossible.

I really need to get out of here. For my own peace of mind, if nothing else.

does anyone else feel the whole trapped rat vibe? i’ve never felt that before so its intreguing but still… somethings gotta give. I want to find somewhere i can get lost- not literally like i-dont-know-where-i-am lost but the other (certain) people don’t know where i am.

only time will tell if i get out of here.

Well, I just wanna get out of where I’m living now, to somewhere new. To see something new, meet new ppl and get to know more about different culture.
but i havent got any money, which I won’t be allowed doing this until I work enough for it!

My dad moved back to California a few months ago and he called me last night. He suggested that I move to Cali with him. I also talked to my girlfriend about moving there. I told her that my dad wants to pay for transportation, and maybe even deposit on an apartment. She never really liked my dad, but she told me how nice it was to have a father who is still willing to help me out. I talked to her about it for almost an hour, and she seemed excited. The only thing now that stands in my way is time. She turns 18 in a year and 1 month. I just have to wait till then and I can finally get out of here….

Well, I’m a 24 year-old finally choking on all the lies I’ve been living and I want out. I want a real life: I want a family who loves, accepts and encourages me, I want freedom to love, I want to study, and explore a zillion different things before I settle down in my chosen career, and I want freedom of religion.

First, I’ve got to decide that I’m okay with that.

Then, all I have to do is figure out a way to make my conservative control-freak homophobic Catholic parents understand that their lovely daughter is a free-thinking, wanderlust-stricken lesbian and fledgeling Wicca—and hope they still love and support me for who I am.

Piece of cake. (Yeah, right.)

I guess it’s like they say, every journey starts with the first step, right?

have you ever seen the steven king movie 1408…?
My home town is sort of similar in the fact that it draws people back to itself and if you ever leave its just a trick to ease your mind you’re actually still here.. I achieved this goal three years ago, but i managed to find my way back so i see it as a failure.
Here we go again…

EDIT : May 8th, 2009

Just like I said in my previous comment I keep getting drawn back to the same boring ass town that I grew up in. The chances of me returning here are very good seeing as most of my family and friends live here, but what can ya do.. I’ll get out again.

really getting out of ‘here’ would mean to get my own place, and to get my own place would mean that i have enough money to stand on my own two feet.. i wonder when that’ll be…

as of now, i get a new room on campus..

it would be so beautiful, tho.. if i could buy a cozy little house or apartment one day… put all my poetry books and more books, and the things that i love.. (ideally, somewhere near the beach, somewhere peaceful where the neighbour will play a jazz record in the background.. i just love it).

also maybe one day, with the person i’d be in love with :)

I WANT TO GET OUT WHERE I AM NOW AND TAKE ME AWAY AND GIVE ME AIR AND LET ME GO FOR WHAT EVER I DID

time goes by when you’re having fun…. i’m gonna make it fun so it’ll whiz right by.

lol smart, rg?