Hummingbird Medicine GAAAAAAHHHHHH! I'm feeling a little stressed these days.
I’m sure you’re aware that I have been trying very hard for the last several months to keep this house clean for myself, my guests, and yes, you. Your conduct this morning did not help.
I don’t mind when you leave bits of food splattered all over your eating area; you’re a messy eater, I know that, and that’s why you have a place mat. Neither do I mind when you go careening out of your litter box and kicking litter all over the bathroom floor; for whatever reason, male cats in particular seem to find pooping an occasion to celebrate, and if that means rocketing yourself out of there like you’re on fire, lovely. That’s why I keep a whisk broom next to your box. Nevertheless, this morning was a bit much.
First you tore my shelf off the wall. I don’t know how you managed to tear all five screws out of the wall, but somehow you did. My mother says I should just forget about it and be grateful nothing broke. My mother, as usual, missed the point. You are a CAT, and you somehow tore an entire SHELF off of the WALL!
You did this while I was asleep, and I was so exhausted I didn’t much care what the thunderous crash was – I only knew that your feet were galloping away from the scene, and that I’d likely have one heckuva cleanup job waiting for me when I finally got up. Then a short time later I heard you throwing up in the bathroom. Okay, cats throw up. They don’t like it any better than I do. Not your fault. And heck, you even threw up on a non-carpeted surface, which is pretty skillful.
Then when I woke up I discovered the true nature of the damage. Stuff EVERYWHERE. The vase of flowers you knocked over soaked several things on the way down, including a very sweet note from one of my best friends. When I went into the bathroom I discovered that you also had elected to sample the flowers from said vase at some point; I know this because that’s what you threw up. The flowers have been here a week and a half and you hadn’t shown the least interest. I’ve had flowers here regularly since I adopted you four years ago and you’ve never shown any interest in any of them, including flowers of this exact same variety. I might also add that you weigh about 15 pounds, so you can’t really make the excuse that you were starving and desperate, so…WHY??? And to top it all off, you caused another small avalanche in the bathroom that I had to dig through just to get to the toilet and pee.
If my screaming fits this morning disturbed you, my apologies, but well…let this be some indication that when I tell you repeatedly to stay away from the area near my desk, this is why it’s a good idea to LISTEN! I love you dearly but you drove me even nearer the precipice above utter insanity, and I was already doing the cha-cha pretty close to the edge of it with all that’s happening. It has been a LOUSY day for both of us ever since; I’ve been depressed and overwhelmed, so much so that I stayed home all day, and I’m not fun for you when you have to share the house with me that way. So, a humble request:
No more kittycat demolition games! Please! Or if you’re going to do something half this obnoxious, at least wait until I’m awake so I don’t open my eyes to this kind of chaos first thing.
Luv,
The Human
