be needed

I need to feel it.
I want to be not only wanted,but needed!

But I inadvertently have and it’s actually pretty exhausting because it’s so addicting. I would say not so very “worth doing.”

I guess I’m already needed by society and it only seems like the world is better off without me because employers aren’t knocking on my door. Society needs me to be of net benefit to the world (contribution exceeding suffering caused by eating, consuming etc.)

“My mother always impressed upon us, you have to be useful, to be needed and to be able to give love. I think it’s even more important than receiving it.”

“When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for, when nobody needs you, that’s when I think life is really over.”

I’m not sure what to write. I just know that I need someone to talk to. It hurts so bad, knowing that I’m married, I have the most wonderful husband, but he doesn’t understand how serious I am. I have told him so many times the way that I feel, but he’s not hearing me. He just says that everythings going to be all right.
There’s not really a main reason why I consider the source. I think it’s just the amount of everything, as the days go on and I meet the asshole that cut me off, or the moron that thinks they have a right to speak to me in a disrespectful manner. It’s my daughter throwing my 300 dollar phone in the toilet. I’m not mad at anyone…...I just need to figure out how to cope. I’m scared to see a phych ‘cause I did that already and ended up in 6 mental wards. I’m scared. I’m alone. I have a wonderful hub and many friends, but still, I’m alone.