stop lying to myself

Today, i did smth that made myself so proud that i want to share it with everyone..Just now i was ask to admit something and i told it frankly to him. i admit and i thougt im dead but turn out that it was perfectly fine. its something ive never think off. ive learn that if i were to lie to myself and keep on doing it it will get to no where and things will get worst. this is a life experience and i’ll carry on doing what i should do in life. (:

Get my life straight! Why must i lie to myself and fit in with others when i can be myself. People love me for who I am. STOP pretending. Treasure myself. LOVE myself. Live my life to the fullest. If i can make my friends happy, why should i not make myself happy? Man, i really need to get things straight..

I have always loved my imagination but I am sick of being consumed by it. I know who I think I am but I want to prove it to myself by actually doing things instead of imagining what they would be like.

I finally stopped hiding the truth from myself (for the most part, I think) and I am getting closer to becoming happy like I used to be. (: (I hope I’m not lying to myself right now. =/)

something happened 2 days ago and im not sure if i should accept it or pretend it never happened. or what to do. but it went against all my morals. it was the one thing if all else failed that i vowed not to do till i was married. but i let my guard down and everything around me collapsed. it seemed unimportant anymore. thats when i knew something was wrong. i know i made a mistake in not staying true to myself and my values. regretful? yes, but i dont know if pretending it never happened is a good thing. i just dont know how to accept it. i held such high expectations for myself and i failed. its not about anybody else, its about me. for once i need to focus on what makes me happy. i just dont know what to do anymore. maybe that’s why i’m writing this, because if i have it out there in the open i know what happened and i know what i can do to change things. i am not happy with what i did and cant help wondering what if, but the day i erase the what if from my mind, i’ll know i’m alright. maybe not normal , if there was ever a true definition of normal, but ok. in a way i’m glad it happened because it is helping me learn so much more about myself. but it’s too soon to know.

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And I am seeking treatment. Right now, I go to take my meds, walking to the kitchen.

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as well as disciplined in higher matters. I am shaving earlier in the day, getting up early, writing and disseminating my poetry and essays.

I’m employing a poetry site in which members help critique and give encouragement to others as poets. It is helping me as I rewrite and revise older poems, and create new ones. There, my username is cafegroundzero:

www.allpoetry.com

In fact, it hurt like hell.