Stop thinking of myself as a victim of circumstances beyond my control

It may not seem like a big deal to you, but getting the dreadlocks I’ve been wanting is a big deal to me. (My appointment is next Wednesday.)

Until recently I guess I felt a little like a victim of circumstances beyond my control: Poor Flash, wants dreads but can’t get them because she might have trouble finding work with such radical hair. It was only that fear that was holding me back (more so than the reality of the employment climate). Fear and assumptions and black-and-white thinking. My perceptions have shifted and now I see many possibilities for me to do what I want with my hair without threatening my other goals. I was holding on to what I have way too tightly, not wanting to risk it for the chance at something even better.

Here’s another one: Poor Flash, can’t have a clean house because she has been cursed to love a clutterholic. I haven’t worked that one out yet—I just thought of it now. But I know I have much more power in the situation than it feels like I have.

I feel like I have some new clarity on ways I was not claiming my power in certain situations, and I have made changes accordingly. But I think I’ll leave this goal up here for a few more months as a little reminder.

I think sometimes I give away my power in an interview situation (at least if it’s a promising-sounding opportunity). I wonder if I’m good enough, if they like me, if they want me, etc. But really, if I’m going to find a good match, it’s at least halfway up to me to make sure it’s a job I’ll want, instead of just holding my breath and passively waiting to see what they decide.

I’m always prefacing my sentences with a harried, “we’re soooo behind.” I think I tend to play the martyr. “We’re soooo behind, I’m trying to finish everything that was due 2 days ago, and I haven’t taken a lunch even though it’s 4 p.m.—but sure I’ll do that extra project for you.” That is a part of my work personality I’m really not proud of.

I am not a victim of my workload!

I know I could do a better job at work if I stepped into my power and seized control and decision-making power over my workload. Made choices to take care of myself. Prioritized so I could get the most important projects done instead of allowing unexpected things to throw me off. Said no sometimes. Delegated some things instead of doing it all myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if shifting this at my current job helped speed along my job hunt, too.

One of my favorite pastimes. I know it’s not true and I’m undermining my own success.