make up my mind

I’ve left everything behind and have gone to stay w/my parents. It’s all up in the air… job, boyfriend, everything!!

-what classes im taking next year.
-what my goal for the future is.
-who exactly is my hero
-should i continue on drill team?
-what will i wear tomorrow
-should i really write a huge explanation when noone even cares?

seriously theres so much more…but im keeping it brief.

I’ve had a lot of trouble making up my mind on the subject of men. First of all…. Bleh I cant just make a decision and stick to it because Im afraid I’ll make the bad one…. HELP!!

not that I need to make any life altering decisions in the near future, but it would be enjoyable to be more definitive of what I want. I’ve always been this happy-go-lucky guy, but when I think of the future, that persona takes me nowhere. The problem is, so far, my way has worked. So why should I change? Something will work out, it always does. This is not how I like to think, but ugh, I’m working on it.

I just don’t know what to do about anything!!! There are so many things I could be doing, instead of wasting all of my time trying to figure out what to do but the damn problem is that I don’t know what I want to do and until I do I won’t be doing anything!!! SHOOT ME!

This goal was related to a lot of things, but right now I feel like I’ve definitely achieved it by ending a long-term relationship which was holding me back. I’m experiencing more freedom and the sheer excitement of suddenly just being one person again. And I’m flying to Paris is two days! Tee-hee! Things are looking up and I’ve got that grounded feeling which always comes with good decisions.

im so bad i never know what to do. there are too many choices. and im always changing my min. even with the silly little things like choosing a drink out of a vending machine, its takes me like 5mins. well maybe not that long but longer than it takes a normal person i swear.

I’m moving back home! I miss my family too much.

Portland will wait….

I have been unhappy ever since i moved to Arizona almost a year ago. I told myself that if i just held out untill i could just move back home (Utah) where all my family and friends are i would be hapy again.

Now that i’ve been trying to plan my move back i’m not really sure if it’s what i want. With my job i can transfer to any other location i want and we just happen to have NO stores back home.

I still miss my hometown soooo much along with my family and friends and i really don’t want to live here anymore, but do i want to move back home or transfer to somewhere like Oregon where i know i would really like it? I’m really close to my family and i miss them so much it hurts, but i lived in Utah my whole life before i moved here. I want to see new places but i’m not sure If my heart can take it. I’m going to move, i just don’t know where and i need to let my boyfriend know so he can figure out what to do with his job because of he wants he can transfer back to Utah.

....I don’t know where i would be happy again….

Ugh!!! What do i do?!?

(picture: my mom. i miss her)

MAN O MAN… YA KNOW, BEING ON THIS FENCE OF MINE REALLY SUCKS! YOUR NECK GETS SO TIRED FROM SITTING HERE… JUST TRYING TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND. MY BUTT IS SCARRED WITH SPLINTERS, AND MY HEART IS SCARRED BY MY LACK OF CONTENTMENT. AND THE FUNNY THING IS, JUST AS I START TO LEAN TO ONE SIDE, THE OTHER SIDE CALLS OUT!