Become more transparent

I was inspired to do this goal by two coworkers.

You see, I had long been a strictly honest person, and felt like that was enough. I didn’t lie, so what more could I do to be more real?

It wasn’t until a coworker described me as being “secretive” that I realized there was, in fact, another layer to honesty. There’s being open about your life. Thankfully, at the same job, there was another coworker who everyone admired, and who’s life was an open book. We knew she had a crush on a certain guy. We knew which days she was exhausted and didn’t feel like working. Heck, we knew she had an account on Match.com, and I even remember seeing it!

From that experience, I resolved to live my life like an open book. Not only did I aim to answer questions honestly, but I also didn’t shy away from talking about any subject, even if I hadn’t been asked about it. It has taken me to the next level of integrity.

-If I don’t keep a commitment for whatever reason, I admit the real reason. I’ve found that I make commitments only when I intend to keep them.
-If I don’t like someone, or something, and they ask why, I tell them the real reason. This also has the benefit of helping me to understand why I like or don’t like certain things/certain people.
-I find myself avoiding doing things which are unethical, because I know that in conversations about my life, I’ll have to explain myself and justify the reason. This helps me stay disciplined to do the right thing.

All in all, the improvement in my life is substantial. And I knew I had accomplished the goal the day I sent a curious friend a copy of my Match.com profile.

I mean, what do I have to hide?

You get transparent down to a certain layer, then you find opacity. Time for more inner/outer work (depends on the nature of opacity) again.

If I think of the opacity as deceit: as not telling the truth, either to myself or others, or shading the truth – that makes this a more serious (meaning “heavy”) commitment. Makes it a matter of morality, values, integrity.

Which it is.

But – I always prefer to try and think what I’m moving TOWARDS rather than away from.

So. Transparency.

Which is to say, clarity.

To have the glass clear, so the light can shine in and out and through… that is what I want.

Yes, ff, even about finances. How long will you continue to let this be your blind spot and flounder around?

I saw Doris W’s words on this and I thought

OH. YEAH. Great summation of so much. There is ultimately just no point (99.99999% of the time) in being anything less than transparent. Transparency almost always equals liberation or freedom

(The one exception I have found is if you are dealing with demonstrably dishonest, underhanded, or political folks, who will find a way to use your straightforwardness against you. Thankfully, these odious and afflicted souls are few and far between. Transparency usually begets transparency, or at worst neutrality).

I wrote a comment on Doris W’s thread about transparency, which I copied below, italicized.

If you act a part to get others to react by liking you (or whatever), even if they DO have the reaction you desired… SO WHAT? What they are reacting to is not YOU but the part you are playing, so you still don’t know if they like the real you.

Nothing taught me transparency like the death of my husband… a deep gift from that dark, skinless experience. I was so raw I had nothing to hide because I couldn’t… what you saw was what was there and that was that.

Now that I am further along in recovery (wrong words, but just to um up quickly this huge complex matter) I try to REMEMBER that skinless transparency and live it, though not with the pain that ccompanied the learning.

_ I most often notice doing this ( consciously clicking in), in interactions with others, where I am go-go-going and not really SEEING the other, be it boyfriend or the teenager scanning my groceries at the IGA._

Over and over, inside, I do this micro-adjustment. (I didn’t set out to do this, it just evolved). I breathe, slow down, step out of my madly clicking inner self-important to-do list, slow down some more, and just … drop my guard. Really look and allow myself to be seen and feel the connection.

_ Often, more often than not, it comes right back. And even though I said “slow down”, it can actually be a very quick process when it happens. WHOOSH! Quickly and suddenly the air and space almost vibrates with energy and then you move on._

It’s “being in love”. Not in the usual sense, but being (as in existing or living in) love itself (like moving through and breathing air). Just one little second, one spark, and WHOOSH!

No fake anything.

_ Getting there 100% is a gradual, incremental, and never-ending process. But what worth doing isn’t?_

Many of us live with all these pretensions, me included. But no longer. Sure, I’ll act appropriately in whatever the situation, but I’m going to be me. If you don’t like it, too bad. I don’t need to impress anyone.

It doesn’t excuse me from being polite, courteous, loving and kind, but I shouldn’t pretend to deceive people by letting them think I’m this perfect person, which I’m not. I let people see the real me. Sometimes to be that vulnerable is a challenge, but some parts need a great deal of improvement. That’s okay. This is life.

By this I mean to be more open and communicative. Starting a blog has been a great step in this direction, because up until this point, I have kept my art all to myself. It is so nice to put it out there for others to see. Not to mention I’ve been getting such great feedback from people who have seen my work online.