be less insecure

I need to be less insecure because it is tearing my relationships apart. Im always upset, and i take things way to personal. Its all because almost a month ago i was living an hour away from all my friends and my boyfriend and i never had gas to come see them. So after about a month being gone i became depressed and nobody could talk to me about how i was feeling because i didnt want to talk to anyone. So now that im back home its pretty much ruined me. Im trying so hard to get back to being happy and not caring about what people think about me but im constantly wanting to please everyone instead of myself and im not really sure how to change that. I need help to make it easier for myself to be happy.

Sometimes I hate myself. I’m really short. Seriously I’m 15 and only 4ft 11. I hate my height. I’m fat. People say all the time I’m not.. But I still disagree. I guess it’s just because I’m short.. And not anorexic… I hate my hair.. It’s so flat. It won’t stay straight.. ever. I have to srtaighten it twice a day. I look horrible without a bunch of black shit taking over my eyes in the morning. I just.. I thinkI’m ugly. I feel like every body is always staring at me and making fun of me. I just want to be more comfortable in my own skin.

Making sure my sense of self and esteem is self generated. I want to apply self-generated wisdom to my life. I want to feel comfortable enough to be honest with people—and forthcoming. I want to surround myself with supportive people and to respond with support for them.

For my son, help him enjoy who he is and help him make attempts to build friendships.

The feeling that you can do things is great.. In the past year I changed alot and even if you think you can do it trust me you can and it is definantely worth it

Because it’s not an attractive attribute. It scares people away.

Oh, but how?

Pretty much my whole life i think, i’ve always thought that people are better than me, that they have more right to be here than i do. I don’t know why, cos i had a happy normal childhood and everything, so there’s no reason for it.
Also I’m worried all the time about what other people think of me, like sometimes i think “oh i’d better say this now ‘cos they’re watching”, or “i can’t say that, they’ll think i’m uncool” and stuff like that and it’s so annoying.

I’m really shy and nervous, even around my friends- i don’t think that anyone can really tell how paranoid or freaked I am in normal social situations…

Ive changed alot in this last year, im stronger and have just kind of figured that lifes to short to be insecure about myself! Sure Im still critical of myself sometimes..but overall im more in touch with who I am and im more confident. In fact insecure is not a word that I would use to describe myself anymore. yay!

one of my co-workers told me this evening that her counter manager (i work in dept store cosmetics) doesn’t like me. that she cannot under any circumstances put Chanel make up on me, which is their counter. that she cannot talk to me, but any one else’s company is welcome. she’s a sort of elitest rich girl, and in some ways quite dishonest. i don’t know why but people who worhip fashion and trends tend to hate me and i never know why.

that’s not all.

the one person that has hurt me most in my life happened to pass through my store tonight too. she was my maid of honor, and in the end, stabbed me in the back very terribly and balmes me for it. i don’t know why, but as soon as my ex-husband and i started to have problems, she decided she hated me and no matter how nicely i would approach her, she never would say. she would only get angry and say something mean and decisive and walk away. she always told me to stop being immature when she was hurting me. i never understood this.