lose my religion

Growing up, I always accepted our religion as being the ONLY one that was right.  But as I got older I began to wonder what made me so special?  I started looking outside the tiny box that was my life.

It was very scary at first to question all these things.  All of my friends at that time were people I knew in the religion. I knew that if I walked away from them I would be alone.  I was also worried that it was the wrong decision and that I would suffer eternal consequences, if you know what I mean.

It took me several years to completely go through with this.  I left the church for about a year, but then I decided to go back.  Upon returning to church, I tried to immerse myself fully by teaching Sunday School and helping out wherever I could.  But the whole time I was questioning everything, and I was feeling more and more like I needed to get out.  I had lots of discussion with my closest friends, my parents and my boyfriend.  

When I finally left- I wrote a letter to the "arranging brethren" to inform them of my decision.  My phone lit up with calls from people trying to persuade me to stay.  My best friend ditched me, saying she couldn't continue to be my friend if I didn't want to be part of the religion.  It was a very emotionally and spiritually taxing time.

As they say- time heals all wounds.  I am much happier now that I have lost my religion.  I don't feel as much guilt or worry about everything like I used to.  I don't read the bible and I don't pray (at least not formally).  

I still consider myself to be a spiritual person, but I don't need or want the rigid structure of religion in my life.