It made me

good

How I did it: I tried once before to read this book. I got to habit 3 the first time.

It made me

informed

How I did it: mmm "borrowed" the book, for a time & let it lay around until I thought it important to read.
Took lots of notes: (First installment:)
pg 18 A lot of the "success books" were focusing on shallow, quick fixes about one's social image, & "techniques." Whereas the older books rocused on integrity, courage, justice, industry, & the Golden Rule.
[-small edits-]
A couple of pages later he talks about his son having his problems growing up until they stopped trying to manipulate him with positive reinforcement & started treating him as though he were already complete & in need of (no) protection. That's when he started to bloom.

p28 He talks about ten seconds of that (common) conditioning affecting peoples' perceptions in powerful ways, how much more can a year or a decade, or a lifetime affect us?

He uses a simple and should-be well-known picture [old lady or young lady?] to illustrate how we may see the world, (or may be quickly preconditioned to see the picture). (But it also may depend on how you see yourself - two people may see a frail old lady, but one sees themself as a protector while the other sees themself as a robber.)

We only think we see the world objectively. But we are preconceived & preconditioned. There are facts: " - black lines and white spaces - " (the picture), [but from there we quickly jump to our conclusions - we are conditioned to produce conclusions.]

"How can we remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time?" ~Thoreau

p37 To relate effectively, we have to learn to listen - which requires openness, patience, & strength.

p39 I've spoken of this recently, I think: of making his young daughter share a brand new toy (before she ever *really* possessed {owned} it herself!) He says that "borrowing the strength of authority" builds weakness in both people! An awesome insight, IMO. He says he should have "turned the attention" of the other children instead of trying to force his will on his daughter. [No, I think that would just be another coin {trickery}; no? Couldn't he have just practiced a little more *patience*, & implored the patience of the other children & adults there?
I'm still thinking about this a little.]

p40 "The way we see the problem is the problem."

p73 It is not circumstances that hurt us inside; it is how we let it hurt us. [Have we fostered a weak "image" of ourselves? Have we built upon sand & concentrated our attentions on shallow, exterior things? Or have we built on inner structure of integrity & courage, etc.? Is this because we are so focused on shallow results? ("Did you win {or at least score}, What grades are you getting, What job do you do?") Do we ever ask, "How did you handle that bully?" {justice} "Who have you helped today?" {Golden Rule} "Have you really wrestled with anything today? {Industry, courage} "Who are you?" { *:-)* }]

p91 He begins to speak of being proactive. Acknowledge mistakes and correct them. Proactivity as an act of creating - instead of being "created-upon" by someone else's objectives.

p103 We need "directions" & "purposes" in our families, instead of "rules" & "efficiency".

p148 The one transcending factor for successful people: Put first things first. [Prioritize - that's it?! (I doubt.)]

p157 People fail not because they have no self-discipline, but that they have not internalized their priorities. [I don't think I understand what he means. Doesn't the author slip back into focusing on the shell of externalities? Of course people have internalized their pwn priorities {oops}.]

p194 "clarifying expectations" [top down? like a One-eyed pyramid?]

p195 Honesty mirrors from the inside - out. Integrity is from the outside - in. [Did I get that right?]

p197 "...the key to the ninety-nine is the one." How we treat the difficult people (with respect) affects the others as well.

Edit:
p 196 Integrity is sometimes confrontationally courageous, which people are not used to. [Which is why to combine integrity with stillness & love; so you don't intrude too far, and actually care about them.]

p 197/8 It takes great character strength to properly apologize; it makes weak people feel too insecure.

p 198 "Leo Roskin taught, 'It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.'"

p199 When we attach conditions to our love, we make people reactive to protect their value from us.

Mistakes of the mind are easily forgivable, but mistakes of the heart (bad motives, or refusing to apologize) are not so easy.

p206 Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
- Win / Win      
- Lose / Lose
- Win / Lose
- Win
- Win / Win or No Deal

p207 Win/Win sees things as cooperative - not as a dichotomy.

p208 Win/Lose "Education" is usually competative. "Cooperation, in fact, is usually associated with cheating." !

"...defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative."

p209 Lose/Win is worse than Win/Lose it has nothing of value behind it; it seeks a very meak existance. [It probably seeks only to catalyze the decomposition of long-buried emotions.] But such things always come back more insidiously.

p213 When "No Deal" is an option, it lessens the need to push for a narrow agenda. It allows for a wider understanding between people.

p237 It comes down to this: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
  
Read how I did it… 19 months ago