come out to my family

Acknowledged the fact that I am attracted and have sexual relationships with other man (homosexual)

To tell my mother, family members, close friends! To not lie about it and to stand my ground for what I believe in and for what feels right in my life.

Yesterday, my girl and I were invited to my cousins house, for a small get together with family. It was the first time they met my girlfriend, and even the first time they saw me after coming out to them. Yeah, weird thing: my mom did my coming out to all the fun and tolerant people in the family for me, and now i’m stuck with the conservative, not very in touch with their emotions, quiet and less educated idiots in our family tree. Jeez thanks mom, i would have split the fun people with you if it was THAT important :)
But on the other hand, I shouldn’t complain… My coming out wasn’t a matter of years, it was a matter of months. As I’m 26 and had to break off a longterm relationship with a man, i couldn’t really hide it for that long… I was old enough to realise: screw them all, after 10 years of depression that seemed to have no cause at all, I was ready to live my own life no matter what.

So my mom and her side of the family were quickly informed, tears were shed, boxes moved out of the house of my straight partner, into the house of my gay partner, and on sundays, as usual, my mom kept bringing food, like nothing had changed…

But then there is my dad… As a 73-year old, being part of a different generation, and altho he is very in touch with his feelings, a very quiet man, he needed time to get over it. He is getting over it, and he accepted my girlfriend almost immediately (thank you daddy, it means the world to me) but speaking the words: “my daughter is a lesbian” is just too much for him…
Which ofcourse causes situations that could be hilarous while reading about it in a book or seeing it happen on a big hollywood moviescreen, it’s not so funny anymore when it’s just plain life happening.
My cousin on dad’s side of the family gave birth to a lil girl and still sent the card to my old adress with my ex’s name on it. So i got a phonecall from him: ‘You’ve got mail here, someone got a baby”...
I should get a present or the little brat, and i should go hand it over personally, but who do i take? Do i go alone and paint them a picture of the situation? I can’t take my ex and pretend life is all good with him.. I can’t take my girl cos they will prolly choke on the whatever you call those lil treats they hand out at babyshowers…

Right now, i’m in the “I’m pretending i never got the card” phase…
So I guess what i would really like to know is: how do you come out to family you hardly ever see, don’t really have a bond with, but where you can’t avoid the fact you’re gonna have to invite them to your wedding some day…
Maybe if i give them a lot of booze before the church, they won’t even notice :D

I’m trying to tell my parents, but this is so much harder than I thought. You see, we live in the middle of the Bible belt, in Tennessee, so it’s definitely “wrong” to be attracted to the same sex here. My whole life I’ve been told it’s a sin. My dad is the one I’m really worried about. I think mother will be shocked and confused for a bit, but dad is a bit crazy conservative. I’m so scared of what he’ll say/do to me if I tell him. I’m not even really sure what to say to them. I don’t want to write them a letter, because I’m big on verbal communication, and I think for me, that would be a bit of a cop-out. (Not saying that if you came out by letter you’re a pansy, just for me personally it would be a bit cowardly) I really didn’t know it was this hard. I really applaud anyone who has gone through this, especially those of you with religious parents like mine. It’s a hard time. If you’ve had this experience and have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

On a good note though, I did tell my sister. She’s completely cool with it. I also told my best guy friend (who’s gay) and he said “You know, I figured.” My best girl friend was cool with it too, seeing as she’s bisexual. It feels very good to be out to them.

My life is a beautiful thing. I’m happy, I’m smart and my family loves me. I’m also a lesbian. Don’t tell my mom that though.

A lot of people are scared to come out to their parents. I suppose I have thousands of comrades in my struggle. A lot of people’s parents are religeous, just like my mom. Not so many people only have one parent, and those who do can feel my pain. When I do finally muster up the courage and come out to my mom, I have one chance. If my mom is angry, upset, or hates who I am, that’s it. I guess I’ll have to move in with a friend or something if that happens.

Even living in a liberal state, Massachusetts, it can still be dangerous to be a lesbian. I’ve heard of people getting beat to a pulp, getting made fun of, or worse, getting completly ostracized by friends and family. Is that going to happen to me?

I was raised Catholic. According to my mom’s beleifs, I’m going to spend a fiery eternity in hell. I know that’s going to me on her mind when I utter those three gigantic words. I’m a lesbian.

We’re now a month down the line and it is all moving so fast… My exboyfriend outed me to my parents (thank god my mom was informed already) and my dad took it really bad. He cries a lot, and although i’m not the type to say “big boys don’t cry”, when you see your own father shed tears, especially when you are the reason, it is heartbreaking. It isn’t easy to balance out my own joy with their sadness, so i try not to visit them too often, which is wrong, i know.
My mom has turned around again, and after i told her that she decided who to tell and who not to, she took a big step and told her 2 sisters. All of a sudden, she is informing people left and right and she still has a hard time with it but she is coping. It has gotten to the point where there is almost no one left for me to tell in our family :) (which is hard, because it is part of my copingprocess too)
A week after my mom told her sister, she had a birthdayparty for her daughter, and for the first time in 26 years, i wasn’t invited. Not because i’m gay, mind you, but because they only had room to seat 8 people, 9 was too crowded… It crushed me for a splitsecond, and then i realised that things like this happen, and i have no other way of dealing with it then to live with it. If thats what it takes to be happy, so be it, i’m not letting other people hurt me to the point where i break. Then i heard from my mom that my dad finally told one of his friends. Being a 73 year-old, my dad lives in a completely different world and he was so scared of the responses and of being in the situation where he has to defend his daughter to his friends. The person he told responded so calm and positive that it calmed my dad a lot. I will be gratefull to that man forever, and i am so proud of my dad, i can’t even express it in words.

Last week, me and my mom went shopping for an afternoon, and for the first time i could live through the day without cigarettes (my mom hates the fact that i smoke but she usually winds me up so bad that i cave and smoke in her presence, which leads to more agitation on her side). We had a wonderfull time. Its still hard on all of us somehow, but after she left she sent me a textmessage saying that this afternoon was one she always wanted with her daughter but never felt was possible because of the tension we always had between us. She said the tension wasn’t there today, for the first time. I felt the exact same thing, and it is the best proof to me that i am on the right track.

I wish i could have done it all a bit slower, a bit more in controll of how to inform my family, and i really wish i could have done it myself, but in the end it doesn’t really matter. I still have a lot of first times, a lot of bumps in the road to take and strangely enough, part of me is looking forward to the next test the universe will throw at me. Bring it on, I’ve never felt this strong!! :)

Well, I’ve made a bit of progress. I came out to my brother. He was completely shocked and a little upset. He also told me I couldn’t be complete without a man. It was disappointing, I’m not going to lie. But I’m taking it in stride.

Still haven’t even started with my dad.

Finally told them. None were surprised, but to quote my father, “I need a drink.”

After talking to my mother a few weeks ago, things have slowed down a bit. I actually never came out to her, i just told her that i was having a hard time and my relationship was going through a rough time to. She was quiet for a while and then asked me: “Do you still think you’re gay?” STILL?? what do you mean? Did you know i was thinking about this a decade ago already? I couldn’t say a word, i just started crying and I nodded. She mumbled something, i still don’t know what it was, but it sounded sad and relieved at the same time. And when i had the guts to look her in the eye again, she had a really sad smile on her face, and said: “is that all? honey, there are worse things you know.”

A week later it turned out that she watched an episode of the L word and she said that i should go back to being straight. Not using those words, but she said that “on that side” i could get hurt too. And me and my boyfriend are so cute together and that i threw away 5 years of his life if i told him. I looked at her with the same sad smile she gave me a week earlier and said: “it’s 5 years of my life too mum.” I know that she will be ok with it in time, and i am happy with her first spontaneous reaction, and try to forget how it stung when she said the other things.

Last night i told my boyfriend. We were having the same old pointless argument on how our relationship was wasting away, and i couldn’t lie anymore. I told him i am doubting my sexual orientation. I couldn’t say the word “lesbian” to him. He got all quiet, with a grim look on his face. After what seemed like ages, he said “i don’t know what to do with this” and then he got quiet again. then he said i should have told him sooner, altho he understood it wasn’t easy for me either. Then he left me to take a walk with the dog and when he came back he jumped in bed and said he was tired. All i could do was grab a pillow and go sleep on the couch. I hope he didn’t get that the wrong way but i wanted to give him space.
This morning he seemed ok, and wished me a goodmorning. I can’t describe how happy it made me feel that he seems to cope with it one way or the other. I sincerely hope we can overcome this, and still be polite to eachother. I hope there is a good friendship for us in the future, but i am scared i completely lost him. He was once my soulmate, i can’t believe i have to put him through this…

I’ve already come out to my mother, but no one else. She was trying to drag me out of the closet for several years, so she was easy. But now I have to tell them all because I want them to meet my girlfriend.

a couple of days ago, and she said she already knew! It was totally cool telling her, as she says she’s bi anyway. today I told my mother, and she also said she knew already.. I don’t seem to be very good at hiding my feelings.!

It’s done now, that’s the important thing, and I feel so much better for doing it.