love the people in my life

Today is such a beautiful day – lots of people are walking outside and enjoying the nice weather. For me, I am a bit down and lonely because no one is here to hold my hands and walks with me in the park… this fleeting lonely feeling lasted about a couple hours and finally is dissipating.

A girlfriend just got engaged and she sounded very happy on the phone…

Relationships – old ending and new ones begin. Should we be hopefully that one day we will all be happily living a perfect love life with our dreamed prince or princess??

Or can we be happy on our own? Without another person?? Is that even possible?

Today is my birthday.

My feeling is complicated.

A new life lying ahead.

With or without love.

all the emotional turmoils didn’t take away my wish. i want to appreciate life and know learn how to appreciate better

i was doing great since i joined this site on dec 4th…. i was controlling my schedules, spendings, and my emotions… however, today is the first major relapse – i went back to the other me – that me is almost the direct opposite of everything what i am trying to achieve…

it started this noon – i started to feel tired and bored – then i took a nap – then i couldn’t wake up. i had a meeting with my study group in the afternoon so i finally did get up and went…. however, the meeting didn’t go very well. i was so angry during the meeting and i started to feel that my emotions started to slip out of my control.

after the meeting i went directly shopping – shopping seems to be the most effective way to distract me from thinking about real life. i shopped from 4pm until 10:30pm; i spent total about $465!! i was turned into a reckless shop-aholic who doesn’t have a tiny bit of self control…

i want to love life and i want to enjoy life… however, i am torn into these two different persons… a perfectly one and a hopeless one. i want to have a great future to look forward to… but if i relapse like this every so often, how do i expect myself to be a responsible employee… if i were to have my own children, how do i expect myself to become a responsible mother… i am deeply concerned about myself. i don’t understand myself very well and don’t know how to control these patterns… i am so lost now. i don’t know what’s going to happen to me in the future.. am i going to be homeless?

although many times i covered my head under the bed sheet and hid from the life, the movement, the people, the sun, the conversations…. right now, i am loving life with all my heart.

i admit this is part of my life – going through extreme emotions of love and hate. life offers me the sense to feel, not only the joy, but also the pain. life is wonderful… wish the pain never comes back!!

i have given out 100 cheers!! 100 cheers in four days – it means a lot to me.

good news… must be GOD hearing me crying, i got one response from the applications! i know some other people got more responses but i don’t really care and i don’t want to compare to others. i am just glad that i will have the opportunity with this firm.

everytime when these kinds of things happened, i was just amazed at how things work sometimes. for this firm, i spent minimum of time networking and didn’t really spend that much effort either yet it is the place who offered me the opportunity! i don’t understand but i guess this is what life is about – you never know what’s gonna happen; just have to open my mind and love life.

life is such a mystery!

sometimes it’s so beautiful and full of hopes; yet other times it’s miserable and dark.

may the good life continues…

I bought ticket to a concert at Lincoln Center Friday night. It’s the first time I would come out to a concert after I moved to New York. It should be fun.

I also got ticket for Carmen this coming February and some Ballet tickets. I’ve forgotten how much I loved these performances. I am sure I will be happier after these activities.

I want to love life more and feel the passion.