stop surrounding myself with people who are bad for me

The amount of stress this was causing in my life was insane. I feel better now.

I originally created this goal as a way to stop myself from A) continuing to hold conversations with people who either make me feel bad or who don’t necessarily want to have a two way conversation with another human being, and B) from searching out people who will make me feel bad. Specifically, to stop conversing with strangers online who I have no interest in talking to just because I’m lonely, stop reading the blogs of old lovers and enemies, stop responding to people who I no longer want in my life when they AIM or email me. I have managed to do all of this. I no longer spend time chatting with strangers online. I no longer talk to people who don’t respect and love me as a person. I no longer go around looking for people to verbally and emotionally abuse me. Here’s to jerk-free living and let’s hope I can maintain it just as I have managed to for the last four months!

I’m going to try to be her friend somewhat but keep the distance I need to and maintain healthy relationships with my other friends. I’ve turned her down twice this week, and I don’t feel guilty. If she says anything that really offends me, though, I’m going to call her on it, even though I know then we’ll argue, and I never win those kind of arguments, even if I’m clearly right. I caught her in a lie twice this week, both changes of stories she told previously and lies that would serve no purpose other than to hurt me, and rather than call her on it now, as she was SO in denial when I explained that she had told a different story earlier, I’m just going to take note of it and that I can’t trust her.

I have this one friend who can be an absolutely amazing person. She has been there for me at times when it would have been very difficult to be there for me. I’ve done the same for her. Lately, however, she hasn’t been returning favors. It seems as though lately it has been very trying to be her friend. I understand that she had significant problems in her life; so do the rest of us. But, she capitalizes on them more than is right. She is EXTREMELY overdramatic to the point where if I don’t call her for a day I freak out because I’m afraid she’s called the police and reported me missing. She has a tendency to monopolize my time. I’ll have class or an important paper due the next day, or I’ll have other plans, and I’ll say I’ll only stay a few hours, but she guilt trips me into staying all night. Lately she’s been using the excuse of it’s too expensive to pay for gas there and back. She lives a ten-minute drive away. I would be more than happy to chip in my half of the costs if she asked, but 1) if she invites me, then I was invited and am not expected to pay, and 2) it’s kind of rude to say “I’m spending $60 on gas every month to pick you up. No offense.” Especially when she was the one who called and needed to hang out. Very seldom do I call her. The saying hurtful things followed by “no offense” is also getting to me. For example: “You should get a breast reduction because your boobs make you look a lot heavier. No offense.” I realize she’s my friend and should be able to be honest with me, but this was unsolicited advice! I’m afraid to NOT be her friend right now because she is extremely manipulative, and I’m afraid that she would report me missing, report me as a danger to myself, go to my ex’s house and harass him (when she hadn’t been able to get ahold of me in a day she went and banged on his door…this was back when we were still together…he wasn’t home), or call my parents and tell them stuff about me that is college stuff and they probably don’t want to hear. From a more caring-about-others standpoint, I’m the only friend she has, and I don’t want to leave her with no one. But this friendship is really taking it’s toll on me, and I don’t know what to do other than to gradually ease her out of my life.