support myself

I had my first Thanksgiving without Ex. I had filed for divorce a few weeks earlier, when it became apparent that he had no intention of ever coming home again. I can’t remember what I did, but I would bet it was successful.

Tonight, girl-child is sacked out with her long legs on the couch, and boy-child is out with his best friend. I have the food ready and I feel so genuinely joyful.

Thank God for unexpected redemption in life. I never expected to feel this good. I never expected to feel this competent with my children. I never expected to feel this successful at work and to feel God so close to me.

God is good.

I figured out why I’ve been blue. Apparently I have strep throat, and I didn’t recognize it for about 4 days. Usually strep hurts really badly, but this time it didn’t—I just felt washed out and depressed.

Yesterday M’s mom fell and she’s now in the hospital with some seriously broken bones. I wanted to go help, but I thought I should probably check out that mildly sore throat, since any illness can be fatal to M’s mom. So I finally went by the doc in a box place—and discovered the strep.

I feel a little better with one day’s antibiotics in me, but oh! I wish I were at the hospital with her. I’m really, really afraid about whether she can recover from this new trauma or not.

Off to call M….

alone these days. In spite of all our work, I still feel detached from the kids, unsure about whether they love me and wishing they were more demonstrative. In combination with that, I find growing older without a partner frustrating, when I want so much to be in a healthy relationship. If one more date makes a crack about what I do for a living, I may have to take a swing at him.

I know it’s a temporary thing. These black moods come and go, and I do best when I make sense out of them. Then at least I feel like I have some control over them. As is, I really don’t understand these feelings—and I have to let them go anyway, something that goes against my nature.

Confusion.

I was cleaning my computer today and found every single record I kept during the divorce and the deaths of my folks. I had hidden the files so I wouldn’t have to see them over and over. I backed quickly off, and tried to shut my thinking down before I could go there. Largely unsuccessful effort.

i’m still a student ,but i want to support myself ,i want to be independent

I’ll be 19 years old soon. Hopefully by the time I graduate with my bachelor’s I’ll have my own apartment, my own job, my own bills to pay…hopefully in the Boston area. I can’t wait to support myself!

this is looking up. my partner has a job as a personal assistant to a photographer, and right now we are trying out a new plan where instead of him going in for two days per week, we both go in for one day. plus i started an occasional job helping my neighbor with her craft business; today i helped her finish up a big order to mail out tomorrow. i hope this all keeps up because it feels great.

i am self-employed occasionally doing little things, but really my partner makes so much more money than i do that i am basically a stay at home mother. and i love my kid and taking care of him, but i really hope to find some profitable work that i can combine with that, because i feel a lot better when things are more financially equitable (for example i feel better about buying things i want, asking for more help with the kid, etc)

Ok,so after reading the blog i just wrote,i realize that you all probably think im stupid and that im to young to even be worrying about the factor of supporting myself.Im a planner,so i like to have things figured out,i wish i had the samina to become a music teacher/performer but,i just dont.So i have to think of a million other options.My dad always tells me that when i grow up i cant depend on other people.He tells me that i shouldnt even think about supportin others until i can support myself,i agree with this 100%,i dont want to get married and have my spouse do all of the work,i would hate to have that happen so i have to stop being so lazy and just get a life!
_{thank you much for reading} :)
MeganLynne

I have a few ideas of what i want to do when i am of age to get into a graduate school. BGSU is where i would like to attend school for at least 4 years.My dream career would be to become a music educator.Im starting to get worried about what im going to do.I dont want to have to depend on anyone.Dont get me wrong,i am so very thankful for all that my parents have given me.I will give them all of the credit for everything that i have done.They have been nothing but 100% supportive.I am currently in my schools show chior and i take chior classes as well as ballet,tap,jazz,technique,and starting this year lyrical classes.I would love to be able to find something that i can do to support myself as well as pay my parents back for all that they have given me.The carrer that i am leaning twoards is at the same work place as my mothers.It just seems like the easiest thing to do at the moment.Although i still have to get into school i want to have an internship at the current workplace of my mothers.My mother works at a local paper near the town that i am currently living in.I would like to write about theater productions that are being performed in our local area.Unfortunatley there is already a person for that job.I could always work my way up to being able to write that colum.To tell you the honest truth,i am not the greatest writer.I was borderline to flunking out of cp english.I think that was only because im a procrastinator.Well i think that pretty much sums up my goal.If you have any advice,fell free to supply me with it.I am going to need all of the help i can get.
God Bless
MeganLynne

Got qualified, moved out, not going back, and no scrapes so far!