revise and submit short stories

The sound of newly born droplets crashing upon the greedy earth made her shrink with pain. She stuffed her ears with cotton and squeezed her eyes. Her tiny, child-like body was bundled in a way that tempted to get back into its mother’s womb. After long sleepless nights spent imagining the wicked rains fall down upon the silent earth like blood from the sky, she was well prepared for the onslaught. The battle had started. Her six-decade-old dead mother shivered in heaven. The monsoon had arrived.

“It is raining, mom!” Gokul screamed in ecstasy.
“Shhhhh!” his mother scolded.
“Oh Amma!” He ran to her room and tiptoed inside. The poignant smell of fear greeted him. A tiny wrinkled girl draped in an overused white cotton sari glared at him. He shrank. Tiny drops of sweat were gathered on her invisible brow.
“Are you all right, Amma?” Gokul whispered.
“You can see that,” she said, wiping her brows with the back of her hand.
“Don’t be afraid Amma. It is just a drizzle and it will stop soon.”
“I told you I’m all right. I don’t mind, I don’t mind. It’s not raining. There won’t be floods. No no. Nobody . . . Ah!” Her face cracked with pain.
“Mom! Amma is afraid!” Gokul ran away screaming.
“I’m coming!” Gauri screamed back from the kitchen.
A loud crash of the utensils, a silence and Gauri entered Amma’s room.
“Mummy, did you sleep well at night?” she asked, taking her tiny hand into hers.
“Yes. I’m all right,” Amma lied liberally.
“You will need to face your fear to get over it, mummy. Your fear is irrational. Rain doesn’t hurt. You know that. Come, come with me. First, we will just watch from the window.”
“I don’t want to watch!” she screamed out. “You can do your doctory in your clinic. Don’t tell me what I should do.”
“Gauri is right mummy. You have to get over it. We can’t see you suffering like this for months every monsoon. It affects everybody at home. And Gauri is a psychologist. She knows how to cure you. Just do what she says,” her son, Shantanu, said from the door.
Gauri helped the old woman on her feet. Her baby steps reached the door, then started receding, then they were in the air flapping like terrified wings.

Thousands of obese drops of water curtained the view. Gokul and Garima were in the verandah, flirting with the rain.
“Look Amma. Gokul and Garima are playing in the rain. It is not hurting them. See!”
Suddenly, the flapping stopped. A bright white light flashed in front of her eyes like lightening, making dizzying waves of forgetfulness. Riding on the waves, she floated to another world.

The fading sun is sinking beneath the orange sky. The long-legged creek is overflowing with water. She sinks her feet into it and flaps. Like a sculptor, the rain has cut out her youthful figure into voluptuous art. A swift, white flash and there are deafening screams.
“Dewaki! Let go! I say! Let go!”
Her grip tightens. The flapping of the feet becomes ecstatic and then darkness and silence.

At night, Shantanu and Gauri whispered in their bedroom.
“I can’t believe she fainted,” Shantanu said, lying on his back.
“I told you she needs treatment, but you never listen to me.”
“You should’ve talked to her.”
“I did. A thousand times. But she won’t tell anything. I know there is something she remembers, but she just won’t tell,” Gauri whispered emphatically.
“Yes, she is stubborn.”
“Just like you. You should convince her to get a treatment. I can help her if – ”
Shantanu cut her short. “She will never get a treatment.”
“She had a fit! Do you know what that means! She is in trauma!”
“What can I do if she doesn’t listen to me!” Shantanu screamed.
“Shhhh. Children will wake up.”

In the other room, like a well-nourished pet, fear came galloping towards Amma and bit her hard.
“aaaaiiiiiiiii.”
She looked around aimlessly. There was no getting away from it. The noise of raindrops was excruciating. She regained her fetus position like a tiny warrior and started remembering her children, Arjun, Gopala, Shantanu, Europe, Panda, Glacier, Phobaeticus serratipes (later changed to Ram) and Guava. She remembered the hard time she had pronouncing those strange names. Even now, she could hardly recall what they meant. Her husband had started cheating on her after her fourth child was born.

“She is Radha,” Dewaki said when she looked at her daughter for the first time.
“Radha? No! I have abandoned reading those stupid religious books. Dewaki, you don’t know what wonders there are on this earth. I didn’t know the earth was so full of new surprises. I just finished reading a book on Europe. What a wonderful continent! Its weather, its rivers, its people. There can be no better name for our daughter than Europe,” her husband declared, cradling the unfortunate child in his arms.
To Dewaki, it was a funny sound.
“But that is not a name,” she protested meekly.
“You need to wear a diaper in your mind. It leaks as much as it receives.”
The insult dropped down flat. She didn’t know what a diaper was.

Then, again, he cheated on her by dying after their eighth child, Guava, was a year old.

Sitting in the dark room, an army of hatred collected in her heart. With one stroke, he had made her own children sound alien to her. The hateful memory sneaked up to her face and left two more wrinkles on her crumbled cheeks so that in the mirror, she could count the injustices done to her. At eighty-five, she started to mumble in her sleep.

She is saying Amrit. Yes, that’s Amrit. Amrit. Amrit,” Gokul told Garima, leaning close to Amma’s shrunken mouth.
“Is it? Let me listen,” Garima said, pushing Gokul away.
“She is saying ‘Amrit, don’t go.’” Gokul whispered.
“Shhhhh.” She hung her ear close to Amma’s mouth. “Yes. She is saying . . . Don’t go Amrit. Don’t go.”
“I told you,” Gokul said victoriously.
“Who’s Amrit,” Garima asked her mother.
“Amrit? Nobody. Who told you?” Gauri asked, pouring water into the cooker.
“Nobody. What was baba’s name?”
“Ramesh. Why?”
“Nothing,” she said and ran back to Amma’s room.
“Amma has woken up. Let’s go,” Gokul said, disappointed, and left the room with his sister.

Darkness and light rebelled against time. She groped to find her way in bright sunshine and saw clearly in the blind night. The children became floating apparitions, mouthing words she didn’t understand. She lay rigid on a day of darkness, staring at air with shy, fond eyes. Her hand came up to her plait and started playing with it.
“Yes. I go to the creek everyday. In the evening. Tomorrow? What will Ramesh say? Ramesh? You don’t know him. Neither do I. Panda would have been angry, but he is not born yet. Don’t go to the creek, Amrit.” “Yes, I will come to the creek tomorrow.”

The fading sun is sinking beneath the orange sky. The long-legged creek is overflowing with water. She sinks her feet into it and flaps. Like a sculptor, the rain has cut out her youthful figure into voluptuous art. Softly, she murmurs a song to the dancing leaves, dangling her long, wet plait in the rain.
She feels a sharp jerk on her scalp.
“aaaaiiiiiiiii.”
Somebody had pulled her plait. Furiously, she turns around. Amrit is aching with laughter. “aaiiiiii,” he mimics her and bursts out again.
She makes a face.
“Okay. Sorry baba. Don’t kill me with your stare,” he says, sitting down beside her.
She shifts aside. He stares at her inquiringly, trying to read her mind. She looks away.
“Have you seen that temple on the other side of the stream?” he says, pointing towards a small, dilapidated structure.
“No. I am afraid to cross the stream.”
“You won’t drown. There is so little water in it.”
“There is enough water to get drowned. And it’s been raining since morning.”
“You are a big girl. How old are you? Eighteen?”
“Seventeen.”
“Okay. Let’s bet. If you cross the stream, I will give you a kiss. If you don’t, you give me a kiss.”
Her eyes widen with surprise. “No!”
He gurgled out a laugh like a baby.
“Okay. If you don’t want to, I will kiss you both times. Let’s go.”
He jumps across the boulders and stands in the middle of the stream. Dewaki looks at the water. It is reaching his waist.
“Come quickly!” he shouts.
With baby steps, she reaches the edge of the stream and stops.
“Come come. Don’t be afraid. I will hold you,” he says, extending his hand towards her.
She clasps a branch and stares at him with low, fearful eyes.
“Ofo.”
He walks towards her.
“I don’t want to go!” she panics.
“Here. Take my hand. I won’t let go. Do you trust me?” he says, looking into her dark eyes.
She nods and holds his hand tightly.
“Now leave that branch.”
“No!” she screams.
Her hand jerks. Pain strikes through her whole body. She feels as if her body is being ripped apart. The deafening sound of water fills into her. She turns her head. Amrit is dangling from her hand. Blood is flowing from his temple. She grips the branch tightly and winces. His grip tightens on her hand. She holds on to his hand and the branch with all her strength.
“Hold!” she screams at him, her voice dripping with pain.
His grip loosens. He shakes his head. “Let go!”
She shakes her head furiously.
Flash floods turn the small stream into a raging river. She looks around desperately. The rain blocks her view. His fingers are fighting with hers to loosen her grip.
“Don’t do it Amrit! Please!” she pleads.
“Leave my hand and hold the branch!” he screams.
The force of water is too great. Her grip on the branch is loosening. She cannot feel her arms. The water gushes past her like a victorious enemy. Her head drops down. She feels a sharp pain in her palm. Painfully, she pushes her head above the water. Someone is screaming.
“Dewaki! Let go! I say! Let go!”
His fingers dig inside her blood-soaked palm. Then there is no more pain. She clings to the branch with both her arms, half-alive.

“Amma had a boyfriend,” Garima announced to her parents.
“What rubbish! Are you out of your mind?” Shantanu sprang up.
“I heard her. His name was Amrit and they used to meet at some creek.”
“She says anything now-a-days,” Gauri said diplomatically.
“No. I have been listening to her for many days. She talks to him in her sleep. His name is Amrit.”
Shantanu’s face collapsed. Gauri grabbed the reins. “She sees things that are not real. It is all her imagination. Amrit is not a real person.”
“But . . . he is! Isn’t it disgusting? Amma, having a boyfriend,” she said, making a bitter face.
“Don’t talk like that about your Amma. She didn’t have a boyfriend. She is ill,” Gauri said sternly.
“I was just saying – ” Garima started.
“Go to your room and I don’t want to hear anything about it again. Understand!”
“Yes,” she lied, and left the room.

“Mummy . . . does she really . . .” Shantanu’s face twisted like a screw.
“Maybe. Who knows?”
“I can’t believe it. Mummy? My mummy!”
“It is bad that children know about it.”
“I never expected her to . . . she is . . . my mother! What . . . what . . . I don’t know how I am going to face her now. She has ruined it all for me. My mother! That is why she wasn’t telling us. I just can’t believe her. She hiding this awful secret from us. I hate her.”

In her bed, the seventeen year old Dewaki loosened her grip on life, mumbling, “My Guava! Europe! Panda! Ram! . . . Hai my Glacier! Arjun . . . Ar. Gopal . . . Shantanu. My Shantanu. My Shantanu.” Lovingly, death held her hand and she floated away into the white light.

I’m not giving up on this goal, but I’m cleaning up my list and I think this falls under ‘get published’. I will continue to work on this though.

I’ve started editing a couple old stories. I realize that I write in the passive voice too often, so I’m going to have to change that. One or two more edits and I’ll start sending two of them out. The third one I’d like to work on will take much longer. I wrote it as a short story but I think it would work much better as a novella. Maybe that could be a NaNo project.

To Remember

It was dark outside I couldn’t see, was I asleep or had something happened. I couldn’t remember who I was or what had happened I just remembered one word, promise. What did it mean did I have a promise to keep, did someone promise something, I didn’t really know. My eyes began to flicker and I could see pieces of images, little white and color pieces of things women and mens faces. It hurt to try to remember specific things, once and awhile I would remember a mans face, did I know him was he the one who relates to the word promise.

I started to regain strength after time, enough to keep my eyes open for more than a few minutes . That time seemed forever, I began to walk enough to make it to the bathroom to see the face I did not remember. It was pale, I had shoulder lengthen red hair and a medium body. I tried to speak, it came out as if I hadn’t had water in months. A tall thin man I knew to be a doctor came to see me he told me many things. He told me my name was Gabrielle Thirst and I was 18, he said I had been in an accident and they had told me that they could save me but I wouldn’t remember anything. I wasn’t sure , would I have I agreed to this, I had no reason or memory that proved he was lying. Another crazy fact it was the year 2080, and they had given me an new brain that was a 50% chance that it would work and it did. After the doctor left I just thought for a long time.

A couple days later a man by the name of Ivan Colby came to see me, he told me before my operation he promised to help me get back the life I had. I looked at him he was very handsome, he had longish dark brown hair and a medium muscle complex he was very cute. He said we were going to college together to be famous writers. Oh did I mention he told me a fact that the doctor must not have thought was important, that the world have been taken over by vampires in 2015 and only 75% of the population turned. The rest must have died. He did most the talking because I couldn’t speak very well, and now not especially because I was in shock.

How could I be a vampire, I knew what all these words meant I just didn’t know who I was, the word vampire gave me a weird chill that told me no you aren’t. But I had nothing else to go on but this fact so I’d have to stick to it for awhile. While I slept I had dreams that seemed very real, like they were actually memories but I couldn’t be sure. I was in a lot of them but I wasn’t a vampire, I was a human a resister to vampires on the run with the other humans, but I didn’t know if I could believe this. There was also a man who I was with a lot, his voice sounded like the voice who kept saying promise in my head . I was so confused.

I was let out of the hospital, Ivan drove me to my house, when I went inside it I just didn’t seem like I ever lived here, like a gut feeling inside was saying it’s all a lie. I looked around there was pictures around that to me seemed to real to be possible, all these people in these pictures who were they, then there was one picture that really caught my eye. It was a young girl and her mother.

“Who’s this ?”

“Oh that, that’s you and your mother, your a born vampire.” his voice sounded weak like he was making this all up as he went.

“Oh yeah.” I just went along with it. There was one problem with this picture her hair was brown mine is red. Strike three on the lie list.

“Well are you going to stay, or can I have some personal time in my house.”

“I have to go I’ll be around later.” I watched him go to his car, I used my new sharp senses to hear him on his cellphone.

“Well she’s getting a little suspicious but I’ll convince her, are you sure we should haven’t killed her ?”

“Do remember how many of us she killed, how long it took us to capture her, we had to get her on our side to weaken all that followed her, you just do your part.”

“Okay but I have a bad feeling about this.”

I knew it all I’ve been told has been a lie. What’s the truth who the hell am I really, all I knew now is that I was a human and I was against them. All my dreams had been true I knew they felt real I just wasn’t sure if I could trust it. I had to get out of here, I can’t be in a house where all it is lies.

I snuck out that night I took with me a bag full of supplies, enough to help me with a three day hike. My instincts told me the people he talked about, followers would be looking for me. I hoped I would find them and know who I really was. It was dark but with my vampire eye’s I could see, the noise of voices at the houses were getting closer, they must be after me. I walked faster not really paying attention to where I was going. Then I suddenly tripped, it wasn’t on accident though, someone pushed my foot. I couldn’t make out the man that had his hand on my mouth or the women.

“Do it , you have to kill her before she spills to them and helps them kill us.” the women’s voice was hard but gentle and young.

“I can’t do it, this is Gabby where talking about are friend how can we just kill her.” it was the man, the one who said promise I had found him.

“She’s not Gabby anymore, she’s one of them.” I moved his hand.

“Your the man who said promise to me.”

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me who I really am ?”

“What do you mean you don’t know anything about yourself?”

“Don’t believe her she’s with them, she’s just trying to protect herself she isn’t Gabrielle Stake anymore.”

“That’s my name, they told me my name was Gabrielle Thirst and I was a born vampire , and I had been in an accident and they did a surgery that saved my life and left me with no memories,”

“They erased her memories see we can help her she can still be are leader and friend.” his voice was filled with such hope and wishing.

“I don’t know, it all seems to good to be true Do you think they’ll accept her now she’s a whole vampire.”

” What was I before ? Im so confused I’ve been lied to before who should I trust ?”

“You were a half vampire, but you didn’t drink blood. You healed quicker were stealthier, but you had no fangs or desire for blood.”

“You were the one who kept are resistance going your extra strength helped us a lot, we have been building in size since you took over.”

“How many of us are there ?”

“Of us, there are 500 total across the world 22,000.”

“There coming for me we have to get out of here.”

“Who’s coming ?”

“The vampires who told me this whole lie, who tried to get me on their side to help them, will you please help me remember who I was ?”

“I will, I promised I would.”

“The others aren’t going to accept her so easily.”

“We have to try Jade who else will ? We are the ones closest to her we deserve to try.”

“Fine.” she sighed.

“Hurry I can hear them, there closing in .”

“Ok.”

He picked me up into his arms and started to sprint through the woods, the noise of the ones after me got less able to hear, maybe if I was lucky they would give up, but something inside said that was a wish not soon to come true. It was a long run I fell asleep in these so familiar but non-memorable arms. While I slept I pushed into my head trying to find memories of these two. There were quit a few a lot of me and this man I loved him and jade my best friend. I slept as long as possible to look at as many memories as possible, I woke up with many shocked unfamiliar faces surrounding me. I was scared some of them seemed mad and other were happily sad, this surrounding was hard to remember.

There was yelling erupting all around me. Why did you bring it here she’s not one of us anymore, you don’t know what she’s been through we can’t just kill her remember how much she did for us. It doesn’t matter she’s one of them now, its not the same she has fangs and she’ll want blood, who will provide. All these arguments were being scrambled threw the area. I just stayed there. Until I couldn’t stand them talking about me like I was a thing I stood up and yelled.

“People I’m right here, I might be a vampire now but I see my memories at night while I sleep, and all of you are in them . The good times we had, the loved one’s we lost protecting are friends, all the vampire we had to kill to keep are numbers. I’m not like them I just want to know who I was and help your cause, please give me a chance.” I sat down I haven’t talked that much since ever, that I remember. They were quiet then Jade walked in front of them.

“I say we give her a chance to regain all are trust and help us and if she deceves us in any way we kill her.” she looked at me. “Is that all right ?”

“Yes…thank You.”

The man showed me to my room, it was just what my instinct thought were me. The man was about to leave the room before I knew his name.

“Wait, what your name ?”

“Alexander.”

“I knew it started with A.”

“Gabrielle … do you remember us ?”

“I know we were much closer than friends your voice was the first thing I remembered, the word you said was, promise.”

“Really .”

“Yes what did you promise ?” I really wanted to know.

“No, I couldn’t do your promise it would kill me inside for forever.” he looked really depressed. I went over to him and put his face so it was facing me.

“I wont be mad, what’s the promise, I’m not the same, I’m basically am a new person my whole personality is different.”

“You told me to promise to kill you if they turned you, but I couldn’t you weren’t

coming after us and when I saw your face I couldn’t do it.”

“Im sorry I made you promise that but I kinda understood why I did it, I didn’t want to betray or hurt any of you, but I thank you for not listening to me.”

“Gabrielle…..um.”

“What is it ?”

“We made this experimental vaccine that can make a vampire who was turned recently into a human, the problem is that you were a half before this so you could die.”

” Alexander does it really matter that I’m vampire ?”

“A little, are parents were killed by vampires and then we met and promised to kill them together and its just hard to see you as the thing we so truly hate.”

“I’ll do it.”

“What ?”

“I’ll take the vaccine.” I couldn’t have the man who cared about me the most to hate what I had become. There was other problems. When would I go berserk with bloodlust, would it take over,I couldn’t ask Alexander for blood I’ve made him and everyone else I loved do so much already it’s my turn.

“I don’t know I don’t want you to die.”

I walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek then lips. Then went to his ear.”Alexander I owe you and everyone this.” Tears ran down his cheek, I cried to and kissed him like I had done in my dreams. My fang cut him and I tasted his blood my vampire self was trying to take over I couldn’t let it ruin this I couldn’t let it hurt the ones I loved. I pushed him away, he looked confused. I shook my head, my vampire bloodlust berried it self back in my back thoughts. It scared me, when I was half a vampire I could hold back my bloodlust easily.

“I have to have the vaccine, I can’t control myself like I used to.” I looked at him his face said I understand but his eye’s were sad.
“I’ll have it ready come down stairs in ten minutes.”
“Okay.”

He walked out, my heart earned for him. Half of me wanted to take the vaccine the other hated the idea. The ten minutes I was alone I thought about the things that could happen. I could die but I would doing everyone a favor by dyeing. The vampires couldn’t use me against them and I wont go berserk. If I lived I could use my new strengths to help them, and I could find out more about myself. The decision wouldn’t depend on me, it depend how strong I was. Well it’s time. I walked down to where I saw him ready with it. Everyone was watching me smiling, I sat on the chair and looked at Alexander he smiled warmly but worried.

“Ready ?”

“No but do it.”

I closed my eyes, I felt the sharp needle pinch threw my skin. My body went through a spasm, all my memories were flashing threw my head. I heard voices and crying then screams. What was happening, I pushed my way to use my eyes. The shock my body was chasing everyone killing many the vaccine had done the opposite. There was one option left, I only had enough power to take over my body for a minute. I saw a rod sticking out of the ground coming up, I saw Alexander near the rod tears in his eye’s I saw his mouth wording stop please. It was time I took control of my body and forced it near the rod. Before I hit it I said “Alexander I’m sorry I love you.” Just like that I was dyeing I felt my thoughts becoming slow and slaggy. This was it I’m dyeing. I had found out the truth that’s what mattered and I saved people before I died. Goodbye everyone I wish I had a chance to had more time with you all….........

By: Domonique Ackley

I’ll try to aim for one more next week

I’ve been fairly consistent with writing at least a story a month. But I think I’ve reached a point where I need to start reworking some of them and sending them out.

I could feel his breath in my ear, whispering love songs while we danced slowly to a Sinatra tune. My mind whirled, going far into the future, imagining the beautiful children with his height and my brown skin, with his soul and my beautiful eyes. His arms around my waist touched my heart. His long fingers played Moonlight Sonata with my soul.

The song came to a stop, and he took me by the hand and walked me to our table. The dimmed lights, the candles, the hushed tones in which people spoke, and the discreet waiters made the place magical. The whole night was out of a Cary Grant love scene, and I was the leading lady.

We finished our meal with a piece of a rich, creamy New York cheesecake and a cup of black coffee. I savored dessert, letting each bite melt in my mouth. The conversation was easy and laughter flowed freely. He picked up the check, leaving a generous tip, and then he helped me up to leave. His hand in the small of my back felt strong, and I let myself be guided, wishing to follow wherever he would lead.

He gave his ticket to the valet, and promptly his black Cadillac came to us. He opened the door for me, and fastened my seatbelt. His cheek caressing mine as he did so. He then climbed onto his seat and drove, my heart wishing he’d never stop.

But he did.

He stopped in front of my apartment building, he walked me to the front door, where he proceeded to take my hands in his and kiss them softly. In his deep voice he thanked me for the evening, for the conversation, and for the company. His goodnight kiss touched my collarbone for a second, and then he was back in his car, while in a daze I waved good-bye.

It was the most fantastic date I’d ever had, I went into the elevator almost floating. I sang Frank’s song over and over in my head. I walked into my apartment and straight into my bedroom. I slipped off my violet dress and my high heeled shoes, and collapsed onto the bed, hugging my pillow to my side, dreaming dreams of John all night.

In the morning, still with a song in my heart, I walked into my kitchen. I turned on the coffeemaker, thinking to myself that finally, after so many ills, after my husband’s death, after the loss of my job, after losing my home, God had forgotten that I was made for misery, and I would now be given happiness.

I thought of his strong hands, and his laughter, and I was giddy. I went outside my door to pick up the paper, and when I came inside, I heard the ring of the coffeemaker, signaling it was ready for me. I walked in there and grabbed my favorite mug, sat at the table, and saw, front page, pictures of the terrible accident that informed me that God had not forgotten me.

7 years of unexpressed emotions are a heavy burden to carry. I remember the early days I met her. It was not love at first sight for me and that convinced me when I fell hopelessly head over heels that this was for real at last. But I was always uncertain of her feelings. Maybe it was a defence mechanism at not getting hurt. Initially mornings spent with her were bright sun kissed forays of dreams and evenings filled with her honeyed smiles, an alternate reality. But my inability at expressing any explicit interest became a torture that lead to sleepless nights, a downward slide into academic incongruity and smoke filled teary eyes. Hostel accomodation made it even more difficult to hide my state and my insanity lead me self-destructive experimentations.

Poems I penned for her (which she will never read) rot now in forgotten pages and someday I intend to throw them away. Every song seemed to have a new meaning and every breeze a distinct refrain. Slowly my mind’s defence systems kicked in and I initiated my extrication procedure.

Introduced a friend ,let’s call him Y, to her and showered him with praises in front of her. Avoided meeting her daily and things changed which was exactly what such actions would logically cause. Y stuck to her like a leech and she acquiesced.

I justified my actions thinking that I was correct in avoiding her as anyone who could bear Y was not worth loving. Was I wrong ?

My yearnings didn’t stop and now there was the additional pain of knowing what I was doing.But then it got camouflaged under my hard-logic which somehow had conjured an equation with variables of priority,career,self-respect,ego,true-love etc and present reality was an anamoly.

College days finished and I moved on for higher studies.Y got a job and cemented his bonds. I promised to never keep in touch with her. But she persisted in not losing contact. I avoided any mode of communication except emails, but her calls on my birthday would make my heart flutter again and knees weak. And I suffered. No girl was good enough for me. She was not good enough. I was never good enough for her. Cowardice and self loathing could only be cured by keeping myself busy and I did that. Not that I had any choice except one which cowards like me can never opt for. Graduation and friends helped and then this job.

Y used to keep in touch as hostel mates usually do and there was no way to avoid him as we had too many common friends. But I was happy as the years passed that I was not plagued by her thoughts any more. I never sought any information about her though it was difficult not knowing as she never left me alone. Some stupid theory of friendship. Of how I hated her.

So I have to visit her as she made me promise I would attend her wedding. Y is the groom. I am the best man. Fucking brilliant.

You like watching the Ship sink.
It fascinates you, the way the water gushes in yet at first looks no different.
Then the water inside, holding the ship low, starts to try to move like the sea around it. The Ship creaks and shifts in the water and the Ship is done. Everyone on board knows it. You know it. Even the Ship Herslf knows as the water grasps her and starts to pull her down. Down into the silent depths at the bottom of the sea. Filling her belly with wave after wave of the deathly water.
She gives out a sigh. A voice to her hopelessness. The sea pulls at her hard, yet still she’s afloat The pockets of air desperately trying to escape to the freedom of the skies, are trying to take her with them.
It’s only when a giant wave slams into the Ship, sounding like the deep boom of the cannon, echos in your ears that you glimpse the real world and realize that you’re in the water too. Water that seems impossibly hot. A heat that has sapped your strength as you watch her fight for her life.
It dawns on you then that the water has it’s eye on you as well.
You feel the water’s tenticles wrap around your legs and up your body. and it PULLS! You can’t seem to fight.
And just like the ship, the sea pulls you under.

It’s warm and nice. You assume it’s like being in a womb. You wonder why you needed to be dragged to this comfortable position. A watery grave seems like a pleasent end to your tale.
Until the pains in your chest make you scream. But nothing is heard, apart from the muffled sounds of the ship ripping herself apart, and the bubbles. The bubbles as they become the only survivors, the only ones who always find their way to the open air.
Air.

Air.

You need air. It seems much more important now. The watery depths have lost their appeal, you want to live.
So you struggle out of the grasp of the waters tenticles, and kick. Trying to swim. Trying to follow the bubbles upwards to the freedom you crave. But the darkness is confusing, and it’s not until you hit the surface that you realize you were going the right way.

Gasp!
Suck in the air.
The water pulls you back under, but you can fight your way free much easier now.
Now on the surface, this is where you want to stay. You grap at anything you can find to try and keep you afloat. Mainly just pushing debris under to join the Ship. The Ship. She’s still here. But not the graceful lady you once knew. The hole in her side spilling her insides is an upsetting sight, and you turn your eyes away. Until you realize that she has bigger pieces of driftwood. But they seem so far. And it’s now you realize how much you ache. How drained you are. Everything seems too hard. As these thoughts enter your head you feel the waters tenticles wrap around your legs again. Much tighter and more determined than before. It’s had a taste and now it knows it wants you. But it’s eagerness to swallow you gives you the determination to move.
So you swim.
Instinctively like a child.
But you move.
You kick and pull yourself towards the driftwood. The driftwood that moves away with each stroke that you make. The closer you get the further it seems, untill you grasp it. And you hold on tight.
A shrill scream behind you turns your attention. You watch as the Ship is finally pulled under. The creaks and gurgles of her last breath as she is pulled to her death.
Her death is a snap into reality. If you don’t move now. Back to shore. You won’t ever do it.
But you are weak.
You’re drained.
You want to sleep.
To wrap yourself in the warm waters.
To forget this life.
And live under the sea.

You pull yourself into the air again, and curse youself for not realizing the water had you again.
It’s now or never.
As the rain starts you imagine for a brief second that it whispered “Go”. So you knock the driftwood away and kick towards shore.

A splash and a gurgled scream accompanies the ships return to the surface. But the scream she gives empties her lungs, and she’s pulled back under with nothing but the cruel waters in her lungs.
You can see the shore, and it makes you giddy. A head rush sets in blurring your functions. Why am I swimming? Where am I going? Yet your fight for life, for freedom, pulls you onward, onwards to the shore. As you reach it, you pull yourself from the waters grasp and crumple on the sandy beach.
The water and heat leave your body. The drained sea wreck that you are.
You can’t move. The energy has gone. Your only thought is of the ship and her crew. You get a kind of perverse pleasure as you think of all your friends that died, yet you survived.

Eventually you gain enough strength to rise. and as the sun finally sets and the cool sea breeze hits you, you realize you’re naked. You feel too drained to care, you just move yourself off the shore and into the shelter of the trees. There you curl up and sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.

I get all psyched up for K Day—that’s what I call the days of the month when my Klonopin is refilled—but nothing puts a damper on the fun like your best friend randomly OD’ing on a Tuesday. Well, she OD’ed on a Monday, but I didn’t get the call till Tuesday. Either way, Monday was fine, it was K DAY. I saw Dr. Dupre at nine am. Way too early. I was late. He gave me ninety two-milligram Klonopin and a prescription for Prozac. I threw that out. Every once in a while, they try and foist some crazy SSRI off on you. It’s just the way the system works; you can’t be on as many benzodiazepines as I have for as long as I have and not have to endure the occasional anti-depressant.

Can never remember anything on K days. Or for the week following. I think we went to this kid’s house, Marcus, made some trades, I made a few dollars. I generally will trade or sell up to twenty of my Klonopin. I’m sorry, but seventy between Nora and I… that’s gonna last about a week. If that. I read somewhere that Klonopin are stronger than Rohypnol and replacing it as the date-rape drug. I must have such a high tolerance for them by now, I need about seven or eight milligrams before they even do anything. Nor’s worse. She’ll take as many as I’ll let her.

Nora and I coined a little phrase when I first discovered the fun that was Klonopin two years ago. “Pop a pill and forget about it.” Something not going your way? Pop a pill and forget about it. Get arrested and lose your license (like Nor did two months ago)? Hey, pop a pill and forget about it. It’s an all-purpose solution.

After we got good ‘n’ relaxed, Nora and I went out to dinner at this local place with an outdoor patio. It sucked, it always sucks, but it was cheap and we could smoke in public. We were there for at least three hours. Not a clue what we talked about, but I know between the two of us, we smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. We left when we ran out of butts.

I have no idea where we went after that, or what I did that evening, or how I got home.

Was awakened from my benzodiazepine-induced coma by Marcus calling to say that I had to come down to the ER. Apparently, at some point, Nor had rented a room at the Rockamore Motel and done too much H with this out-of-town friend of hers. So I go down there, because apparently my name was the only one she was coherent enough to mumble. I guess Marcus was there because she nodded out at the hotel and her friend ditched out and she got scared, so she called him because I wasn’t answering my phone.

Me and Nor chatted while we tried to sort this mess out. Well, I chatted, Nor nodded off a lot and muttered incomprehensibly. The problem was that my party-hearty pal had told the doctor that she “ate bad fish at Friendly’s”. This was the best cover story of all time, in my opinion. I had never personally heard of bad fish making your pupils shrink to the size of pinpricks.

The doc, Dr. Cortez, is an ER fave of mine. He pulled me into the hall shortly after I had arrived for a private talk. Cortez told me he knew it wasn’t bad fish (no way, really??), and she wasn’t leaving without a piss test.

The word catheter came up. At this point, I told Dr. Wonderful I was getting a migraine. I went to the water fountain and washed down four milligrams of Klonopin to calm my nerves, forget about it.

Alright. I wanted to get out of this place, smoke a casual cigarette, and I hadn’t even had my coffee yet for Christ’s sake.

I left the good doctor to try and talk some sense into Nor.

“Why, why, why Nor, do you care if the hospital knows what you’re on? You can’t think that they really believe that you have food poisoning.”

Between bouts of nodding off, Nora explained that the doctors would call the cops, who would call her archenemy the D.A., who would call the Feds. Sighing, I found Cortez and took him back out into the hall and leveled with him. He told ME that he just wanted to make sure Nor had someone to drive her, and take care of her, you know, that she wasn’t gonna go home and do more heroin. I told him that was my usual job, take care of the needy. The K’s were sliding into my system, I was chill, forget about it. And the second I got Nor out of here, I was stuffing a few K’s in her mouth, then lighting us both a cigarette and slapping her in her stupid overdosing face. Like I need this added stress in my life.

Before I could do any of these things, I had to get Cortez to give me some very important papers. The AMA papers. Stands for Against Medical Advice, for those of you who don’t frequent the emergency room. Dr. Magnificent interrogated me for a few more minutes, then went to fetch the papers. Nor was feeling pretty frisky at this point.

“Tell these fucking doctors that they need to get this I.V. out of my arrrrrmmmmm…” Nor moaned, clawing at her arm. I giggled at her.

“Nori,” I said soothingly. “The nurse will take it out in a second. You know what you need? You need to just… forget about it.”

Even in her haze, she knew what that meant and perked right up, grinned at me. I palmed her a couple K’s, which she dry swallowed. Still, a few minutes later..

“Gawwwdddd this fucking I.V. itches sooo bad…. I’ll take it out, forget about it.”
I laughed, and was feeling generally very good about things, so when Nor casually pulled the I.V. out of her arm, my initial reaction was just more giggling.

You should have seen it. It was ridiculous, it was like a cartoon. Blood jetted out of Nor’s arm, like when someone holds their thumb over a hose’s stream so that it sprays everything. I shrieked and jumped out of my chair. Nor’s linen pants got ruined. I had a silk scarf around my waist in place of a belt which I tied around Nor’s arm, even though she kept groaning, “I’m fine, I’m fiiineee…”

Dr. Wonderful wasn’t as amused as I when he returned, but he still gave Nor the AMA’s.