burn my journals

Saturday night, I took 13 yrs’ worth of journals to my grandparents’ house in the country and set them ablaze. Maybe not as liberating as I expected it to be, but my moment of quiet reflection on the symbolism of the act was interrupted by my brother. Still… Why was I keeping them? Once upon a time, I’d told myself I was keeping them for my future daughter, granddaughter, crazed stalker fan, etc., but after leafing back through them, I determined that I didn’t really want anyone to know by my own admission that I was such a whiny, depressed, self-obsessed teenager/young adult. I’ve made a lot of progress since those angst-ridden high school days. Not that I don’t have a lot of work left to do, but I’m much closer to the person I want to be than I was at 15. My progeny will just have to take my word for it when I say, “Oh yes, I went through the same thing at your age.”

With all that history (most of it negative or at least negatively rendered) reduced to ash, I can be anyone I choose.

Good-bye words for self-hate! Good-bye memories of god-awful experiences that should’ve never seen paper! Good-bye obsessive body measurements and moanings about my weight! Good-bye pessimistic, poor-me, negetive rusings and energy! GOOD-BYE!

My best friend and I have made an “appointment” to burn journals. I can’t wait. I have almost 20 years of obsessive self-hate that I can’t wait to see go up in flames!

Actually. My uhm… challenge is void now b/c we’re not going roadtripping. So. Hopefully I will still get this goal done b/c I hate having my journals hanging around and I really need to burn my and my exgirlfriends relationship (end it all so to say)

Fire. Fire. Fire.
On my birthday night.
December 15.
Journal number 6 will be gone.

I have burned one of my Journals. That one had my entire relationship with my exboyfriend Brad in it. I burned it to be rid of him. I want to burn the rest of my Journals too just so I am rid of my past all together. I don’t think I will be able to do it though b/c the Journals have so much of ME in them, you know?

This is tied in with my goal “Letting go of past hurts” and since my journals contain my painful memories I’m thinking of burning them or throwing them away. That way I won’t be remembering or reminding myself of my heartaches especially the details. However my journals also chronicle other experiences – happy ones, interesting events and such so I’m a bit undecided on this one.