live my life on my own terms, not trying to live up to the expectations of others

So I have got my mum’s approval to stay out on Sat night but it’s contingent on my uncle agreeing to it too. Ahhh, I can’t wait to be living on my own again!!!

Even though I’m only 18 I’ve already started doing this. Its absolutely amazing what life will give you when you follow your heart, and live with what is right to you and not others. Don’t let expectations others have for you change how you think!

is I’m still not sure what my own terms are.

I have a pretty good idea, but…

not 100% sure.

Am working on figuring this out.

..living with family was a bad idea. Especially if they won’t say what they want to say to you, instead choosing to tell other family members and make assumptions.

I wish I could just up and leave it all behind. But that’s too easy. So, for now – the first goal is getting a raise or a new job. Second goal: move out to my own place.

On a positive note

my being vegan often causes me to be more on the outside of things- causing troubles with family meals and such that used to be fine, when I wasn’tvegan.

But I’ve been working on a poster for a presentation on veganism (for tomorrow) and my mom was watching me put together the poster and type out the quotes and analysis and such. She started asking questions- she was genuinely interested, and it opened up a discussion on veganism and what it means to vegans and how it affects the daily life and that it often is a political statement. It was quite nice to be able to talk about veganism without being attacked or feeling like I was being threatening towards the other person. Phew. I’d like those to happen more often.

“You know, when you graduate from college, you’re supposed to find a paying job.”

Now, I’m not quite sure how you meant for this to come across, but hearing it, I felt quite…inferior.

I’ll be volunteering for ten months in New Hampshire following graduation and I’m quite at peace and content with it.

I don’t need a job right now. GAHHHHH. There will be decades for that later. I’ll be working full-time- it’s not like I’ll even be slacking. Gah.

Whatever.

Need to get going on becoming financially independent so that this goal will become reality. Anyone got ideas and tips to share? :)

At least I’m away from home. Being in a metro definitely helps, but living with relatives can be a bit of a drag. Especially if they are the (slightly) chauvinistic kind… but not too bad really.

This city is safe for women mainly “because of the infrastructure it has in place, because of the crowds, because it is an unplanned city” – absolutely true.
But why is it that when something untoward does happen, women get harassed for being “in the wrong place at the wrong time” rather than being given the right to be in any public space like any other citizen and not have to explain herself?
I come home late at 10pm once and get hell for it, since I’m a girl. (Never mind that a majority of attacks on women happen mostly during the daytime and in the vicinity of their own homes & neighborhoods)
My cousin brother comes in from hanging out with office buddies at some time past midnight and no one thinks it’s an issue.

Tell me again – Why I should be “more aware” of the fact that I’m a woman? Because I am one and am reminded of it every day in almost every possible way?
No thanks.

here is an instance of this! So I play in the church choir on campus, I have on & off since… sophomore? or junior year (I am now a 2nd year grad student). When the old choir director left I took up the reins because I was able and it was something I wanted to do.

Since then the choir has gone through many members, the choir directorship has passed to different people, and I have stopped and started coming a couple times. But my ability to lead the choir has stayed with me.

And with that comes the expectation that I should lead.

At least, that’s what I feel… that the other members tend to rely on me to pull everything together. I don’t do most of the organizational tasks (picking out music, sending out e-mails, leading rehearsals, etc.) but I still am the one who has to “save the day” by jumping on piano when the guitarist doesn’t show (I’m supposed to be on bass), singing lead (I’m not very good but no-one else is loud enough), transposing/composing on the spot when music is missing, etc.

It’s not that I don’t like doing these things… I mean, I’m good at them, I enjoy them… I shouldn’t be complaining about that (and I’m not). And I shouldn’t say that I have to… because I don’t. But, because I can, I feel the obligation to do so when the need arises. How can I stand back and do nothing when only four people show up, we don’t start rehearsing until 20 mins before mass, and no-one plays a rhythm instrument or sings lead?

I need to think about this more.

So I mentioned to my mom last night my plans with City Year. I didn’t even mention it was my number one plan. Nor did I mention the fact that I had been seriously considering LA and Seattle just a few weeks/months prior and that she was pretty lucky I switched to New Hampshire.

She wasn’t thrilled. New Hampshire’s so far away.You can’t commute, can you? No, it’s too far. What are you supposed to do- live there? When am I going to see you? How are you going to afford that? yadda yadda….

Mom, thank you for caring. Thanks for wanting to see me and all. But this is my decision. I’m nearly 22 years old. This is a decision I’d like to make for myself. I know you’re just concerned, and I’m your youngest child and the only one left that’s semi-nearby that could possibly move home. But I don’t want to move home. I love you but I feel confined there, is all. I need my space, and it’s time to move on.

Hopefully, you’ll come around. I know you will. But it would be nice to be supported in something like that.