People doing thisSee everyone
I already know my ideal career. The one thing that fits like a hand in a glove yet is as terrifying to me as a spider in the bath. I’ve been hiding from it for so long, it’s not like I don’t know where to start but rather I don’t dare to start. But it’s my Rome and no matter which road I take, I always end up here – writing. 2 months ago
Maybe the thing holding me back is not my inability to think of my future but my inability to stop thinking of my past. I really had problem thinking about my teenage years. I thought I wasted it. I could have done much more things, I could have study more, I could have done some sport, I didn’t have to be on every concert. There was lots of regrets about my past. But slowly I’m getting over it. I don’t think about it that often any more. Or better to say, I don’t have so many regrets, or any regrets at all. Yeah, right, I could have done better, but why should my bad behavior have even worse effect on my present or future? Why be so ashamed of it, that I wouldn’t do my best now?
So, this bad period seems to be over right now. But not long time I had to deal with later period, my 20’s. They are not over yet, I must say, but I started having this feeling again.. I could have done more. I could have done better, I could have been somewhere else.
Now, when my earlier regrets disappeared, this weaker regrets started to appear. But one day, in this “before falling asleep state”, I had awaking conversation in semi dream. There was I and some sort of entity, angel, fairy, or how do you want to call him. And he asked me, if I regret the years so much, what would I change? What exactly, which situation, when I would behave differently? And in my mind there was instant answer. I would not change anything! Not in a state I was before, with all the information I had. But moreover, I wouldn’t change anything even with all the information I have now. I mean, all lead me to person I am now, exactly there where I am now, and I wouldn’t change it. Maybe small details, but nothing essential.
Yes, there was one thing I wanted to change. I wanted to do more sport :D. Somehow I thing I hoped my past self would get this routine. Girl.. you are so lazy :) 3 months ago
And then it starts to sound like this: “Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. I didn’t want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30.” 3 months ago
Well, I ask my friends and family what they can picture me doing with my life and they also draw a blank. That seems like a really bad sign to me. A little background: I went to college, but didn’t complete my degree. I’m about 3 classes from finishing it, but I don’t want to finish. I was going to be a teacher for the Deaf/Hard of hearing population. My professors never liked me and made it really hard on me. I became really depressed from all of it. This is a big reason why I’m hesitant to go back to school at all. There’s a part of me that wants to finish school, but I can’t go back for the same thing. I just can’t. I was miserable and realized I couldn’t deal with the politics of becoming a teacher. So, teaching is out. That leaves me with… what?
I haven’t had a decent job for about 2 years now. I moved back in with my parents ‘cause I have no money. Ok I have to stop focusing on the negetives here. I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do by eliminating all those things I know I don’t want to do. It’s a longer process than I’d like. But, right now, I feel like it’s the only/best option I have. I think if I could figure out what makes me happy, I’d be set. Unfortunately, I haven’t really been happy for a while now. What to do?
That’s right. Join a team of strangers on the internet going through the same thing! :) I honestly think this will help me. Just venting and receiving the odd comment back. I do often feel like I’m the only one lost in this world. But now I know I’m not the only one. So, there’s a small victory if nothing else. :)
UPDATE: Well, wouldn’t you know it? I ended up going back to school and completing my teaching degree. I learned a lot during my break from school and it served me very well. I got a job less than a month after graduating (in December, no less!) and things are going well. I’m glad I went back. I met AMAZING professors this time around and it was a totally different experience. :) 9 years ago
I like solving computer-related problems, so maybe I could study something in that field? Need to do some more research. 4 months ago
How I did it: I'm not religious but I did pray my own way. I asked the Sky to give me clues, to help me find out my purpose, to give me signs & help me understand them properly. I did it with strong emotions, over & over. I was desperate. I knew what I liked but I couldn't embark on the journey of no turning back. I felt apathetic.
One day, I'm standing up, going to my room, approaching the book shelf & taking out a book that's been sitting there for at least 3 years! I got the book even before I graduated but never opened it. Did I know back then that I was buying the answer to my everlasting question in life?
The book was called "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield. It's a very helpful book for anyone in general but you should know that items have their own purpose & time for each individual. For me personally it was the last push to take a step I couldn't take. I decided to pick ONE route & pursue it. My attitude changed while still reading the book. That attitude affected my actions - I actively applied for jobs, researched a lot & my entire being was screaming "I want this & I will get this no matter what!" That lead to a job interview in a completely different state, the job I thought I was underqualified for. But I didn't care. I knew that if one doesn't try, nothing will ever happen. When I was back, I swore to myself - no negative self talk, no negative feelings, nothing negative. Period. I chose the scenario I wanted & acted it out as if it has already happened. A week later I get a call from the job & the scenario that I acted out repeated itself in real life. I was numb from shock. I was hired to the job I so wanted! I know now where I'm going. The first step unfolded all other necessary steps for me. One step after another reveals the next one & the next one. If it's the right thing for you... Read how I did it… 5 years ago