I was just wondering, if I should pull this goal over to my popclogs account as well. As many others, I am still in the middle of transitioning from here to there. And doing so – while really, really sad in many regards – is a good opportunity to think about some goals on this list. Where I stand with them, if they still hold as true as they did when I added them, sometimes years ago. This one actually doesn’t. Which is more surprising to me than any one else, I guess. I did want to update it one last time, though, before I backup one last time and all of this becomes read-only.
So. The last time I wrote, I was going to finish my Swedish MA. Which did not work out the way I planned, since I need my German State Exam before I can be admitted. I am going to restart taking classes in about a year and will sign up in April 2015. I am not worried anymore that I might not do it after all. I am missing one class and the thesis and I am more than excited to finish this up in 2016 (I guess, that could be a goal on popclogs).
The time before that, I wrote about K and me. Sadly, this is not going to happen anymore. The breakup has been one of the reasons for my being mostly silent on here in the last few months. It hit me hard and some days I am still trying to wrap my head around it. Less and less, though. Still, what holds true from that entry is that I want to teach. More so than ever. I can also still imagine to get a PhD eventually – maybe in a long term program that does not require me actually being at university.
Place wise? I am open for a lot of things and I am planning on applying for a teaching abroad experience for next winter somewhere (New Zealand, Ireland, Sweden are in the run right now). On the long run I want to be close to my family, though. They are what matters to me most. And I cannot be anywhere close to happy if I am without them for a long time. This basically means Europe. Another choice that kind of snuck up on me, but which I am very happy with.
And then? Kids, definitely. A kind man, hopefully. Maybe a pet sheep. Time with the people I love, doing the things I love doing. It might be a much smaller life that I imagined more than four years ago, when I first posted something under this goal. But it feels so much bigger than anything I could have dreamed of then. And I excited about the future, but more so about the present.
In February of 2010? I was in a bad place. No knowing how to deal with life and what I wanted from it. So much has changed. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am a different person, but hopefully a better, healthier, happier me. I have made GREAT new friends and I don’t even want to picture my life without them, I have discovered yoga and walking, I have fallen out of love – finally – and I have fallen in love. I have been in a very serious relationship and I have learned that even when loving someone as much as I loved him does not mean that what I wish for is unimportant. I have changed jobs multiple times and couldn’t be happier with the one I have now. I have read amazing books that touched me beyond words. I have realized that teaching has been my thing (my THING actually) from the beginning. I started to love being a student and a part of me would like to stay one always. And I am not afraid of the future anymore. I cannot wait to be older, while wishing the present could stretch out longer.
I have figured out what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life. All of the above. This. 4 months ago