decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life

well, i am almost finished college, and what do you know, i STILL don’t know what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life.

i am beginning to think maybe its best not to know? sure, it would be nice to have everything planned out, but then wouldn’t life be less fun that way? less spontaneous? if i don’t know what i want to do, i think i’d be more open to any opportunity that comes along.

this might be on my list for a loooong time…

I’ve finished college, and found a job – and don’t like the career direction I chose. I just don’t know what I WOULD like to do… I wish I knew

you see, i may only be 14, and have my whole life ahead of me.. yada yada but i keep on missing oppertunities and aspiring to things that no one believes in…

20-year-old at work asked me why I was only an assistant manager after 11 years. Wanted to know if I just hadn’t decided what I wanted to do when I grow up.

Have to admit, he nailed it. I hate my job, but I always just wanted a steady job; put in 100% for nine hours and go home. It has suddenly hit me as to what a “career” is: move up to an easier job.

Now I’m looking at only 17 years to retire. I won’t kiss ass and have no desire to be promoted. I have all I need, and more.

I could stay static for the next 17 years and simply ride it out, but my knees tell me otherwise. Retail equals on my feet for 9 hours a day. I work a 45-hour work week.

It is starting to appear professionally akward. I’m not a slacker, I simply don’t care to move “up”. I can’t stand the people “up” there. I’m not even applying for promotion. They are going to have to come to me.

Hoping this is the year I grow up.

Life is so short and I really have to figure out what I am doing so that time is not wasted. I just want to be focus and do what I have to do. I really do not want to have much regrets. I want to live a good life and do all the things that I want to do.

I would love to go to university and then maybe study in america for some while. I used to dream about going to howard university in washington when I was younger and I said to myself I a definely going to go there. The only reason why I am not sure about the studying abroad thing is that I really want to get married before the age of 22.That is one of my ultimate goals and I am praying that I can accomplish that. I finish university at age 21 so straight after I want to get married. I cant go to america because that is going to interfere with my goal. Well God will work out a way for me. I am going to think about that because I would love to study there.

I also am in love with London so much. I was born here and I just love it so much. I love the way that we talk, music and the culture.Like the underground music scene in london called grime. That is cool man. LOOL everything about it. I also love black british boys because they are so funny and they have the nicest accents. If I meet a guy in america then he would definetl have to come back to london to live with me.But the thing is that I want to marry a british boy because they can relate to me more.Ahhhhhhhh!!! life is so confusing at times.

i have decided to stop trying to convince myself that i like what i do now because it took so much time, effort and emotion to get to where i am. i also need to stop lamenting that fact and move on.

it feels like trying to move a mountain. what i realized is that unlike many people i never chose my profession, i just sort of followed through on suggestions by other people (like my mother). it’s my fault for not choosing, but back then i felt like i wasn’t informed enough to make a decision that would essentially shape who i am in the future. well – i mean, it’s everybody’s guess as to what they want to be but i felt like i had no past experiences, no passions or even hobbies to help me figure out what it is i enjoy doing. i had no idea who i was, much less who i wanted to be. and so now, after everything – i’m still trying to figure that out and feeling a little hopeless.

i have a somewhat methodical logic to figuring most things out but that tactic is hard to apply to a situation like this. i’ve thought about what kind of person i am, what things i enjoy, what talents i might possess. i’ve concluded that i am very much a ‘help others’ type of person and someone who needs personal freedom (in a non bureaucratic environment, which is admittedly almost impossible to find), and who holds honesty, integrity and personal ethics above all else (and sincerely so). i’m good at mediating and inspiring and brainstorming. i am highly organized and pretty good at communicating. i’m good at one-on-one teaching and mentoring. i’m a very good supervisor and co-ordinator. but these all seem to be job descriptions without an actual job. and honestly, you could apply these qualities to virtually anything and they are subjective.

so the narrowing criteria is what, above all else, do i want to achieve in order to be satisfied by my work? i think it might be medicine. dare i even suggest to my family that i want to be a nurse? what about admitting that to myself? am i up to that challenge? what if i find out after several months and a complete career overhaul that i am just not cut out to be a nurse? what sort of career issues plague nurses? what characterizes a successful healthcare professional? what hoops and hurdles should i expect? where do i find the answers to these questions??? i want to grab an experienced nurse and just shake the information out of her. tell me everything you know! agh. my boss is gonna be so pissed. my mother is, too. what i do now is so unsatisfying. i am helping no one. i am not bettering myself. i am not seeing any results. i don’t feel like a contributing member of society and that makes me feel quite empty. i also want to wear scrubs everyday instead of these stupid pants suits.

I am so certain that I want to be an designist
(designer and artist)- and I know I was always meant to do it!

I am so grateful- but I know I was only able to do this because I never caved to the pressure to do what was easy or what “was what I should do”. I listened to myself, and sometimes it gets hard because the people closest to me frequently tell me I should do what I am told. But if I did I wouldn’t be able to explore the world, and would never have realized my dream.

The biggest challenge now is to make my place in the world and stay focused my career cannot be separated from my life so I have to stay determined to bring art and design together and not let people squeeze me into just ONE thing. I want to design and make everything!

I’m trying. I’m meeting with a career councilor this week. I just really don’t want to have to go back to school for any long grueling period of time. I have a feeling that with my current art degree, it’s unavoidable.

I am still deeply confused!! Just yesterday I’ve decided on Humanities as my foundation pre-u course and not Physical Science as planned. Quite different, yes, but nonetheless, I have interests in both fields. Help!

Im still really confused