decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life

wanting is so hard. I was set an exerise to go through magazines and make a little scrapbook of how I wanted my life to be. I couldn’t find anything I wanted – it all looked like crap. I wasn’t drawn to any of the things, places, events or people. I didn’t like any of the cars or buildings or gadgets. The most positive images I found were forests, oceans and deserts, but even with those I wasn’t that inspired – they were just places to avoid all the things and people.

This is my last year in high school, but I think I’m going to take an extra year for courses. I wanted to be a nurse, but I don’t know about that anymore. I don’t know what the hell to do with my life :(. I don’t get good marks, and I suck at everything. I want to find the thing to do for the rest of my life. God help me.

well here i am, have graduated not with honors however from a premier university in my country, have got a decent job, good money, but still feel that is this what i really wanna do for the rest of my life. HMMM , well today is my B’day so my mind is working a little bit more than usual days, thinking spiritually. OMFG.. anyway i noticed on an average it takes 10 years to figure this thing out.. lets see where i land on the scale.

I don’t think I’ll ever really know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I’ve been floating around without much direction for quite some time, and I don’t really see that changing. The only think I know, for absolute certain, that I want to travel. My wanderlust has always driven me, for as long as I can remember.
I was working on a letter to myself today (that I’ll open in 5 years), and I started really thinking about where I’ll be when I open it again. I thought I might be back from my Grand Trip around the world and be settled into a regular routine, but once I really thought about it, I started to think otherwise. If my plan for the Grand Trip pans out and the work one year, travel for two plan actually ends up working out, then I may just settle into that routine. That would be…perfect.
I remember speaking to a friend of mine about whether or not we would always be relatively poor. We both came to the conclusion that yes, we probably would, but that it wasn’t such a bad thing. We looked at friends and family – a nurse that was in her 30s and still not finished with training, office workers that go day in and day out to the same place and do the same thing, and we were genuinely happy not to be in those places. I couldn’t imagine anything more soul crushing (for me) than a corporate job, a house in a subdivision, and a minivan. I’d rather be in a hostel, living off savings, trekking across the globe, any given day of the week.
So as far as a career in my future…probably not. I’ll probably be working odd jobs for the rest of my life, and I’m finally becoming okay with that. As long as it means that I can save up my pennies and go overseas as often as possible, then the rest is gravy.

I made another dinner for me and my sister tonight, and her friend said over the phone that I should look into becoming a chef, given how much I enjoy cooking.

Rather than dismiss the idea right away (as I was about to do), I said I would think about it. After all, how am I going to decide whether or not I truly would like to be a chef or cook or baker or something like that, if I don’t allow myself the luxury of thinking about it?

So I was really close to graduating this summer but I freaked out about not knowing what to do with my life after getting the degree so i got depressed. I couldn’t finish my last class and I was going to graduate with honors. I am so lost with everything. I became extremely negative and possibly fell into depression. I am currently putting my degree on hold and hopefully finishing it off by summer 2010. I have had thoughts of going to peace corps for 2 years so I wouldn;t have to think of what i want to do with my life, but someone told me not too cause it wasn;t for me and I was doing it for the wrong reason. So then I went traveling for 2 weeks. Came back feeling positive. I ended up owning part of a business but i;m not sure if I have the confidence to do it. I;m currently falling into the same state of mind i was in during the summer. I;m just so negative with life. I am very tired of everything. I can;t stand people. I am so easily annoyed by people these days. It’s so hard to be positive. I dread living til 40 or 60. It just seems so long…...

should I continue in a feild where people really respect me, I have a stable income, I have the opportunity to travel and have a long term future in this feild? should I chose this feild because i can have a good work/life balance, it interests me and I feel proud to say I am doing this?

or should I change to a feild where I have to start all over again with little money and the career is short lived but my heart lies in it?

I know in the future if I am successful in this 2nd short lived career my income will be more stable, I will be able to travel, I can have a good work/life balance, people will respect me and I will feel proud to say I am working in that feild? I will also have a chance to express myself creatively?

But how likely is it that I would be successful in this 2nd career? should I continue to pursue it even if I seem to be unsucessful in it?

my dream is to have both careers..start with the short lived career and then go to the long term career. But both careers take alot of time, energy, money, effort…which may leave me broke and without a good family life.. and I have realised how important money and family is to me.

Although I do think it is important to be selfless sometimes and to contribute to the world as much as you can through your careers..I think alot of happiness can come from that.

This should be up higher on my list. When I get this one figured out, the rest of the list will be easier. Some things will just fall away and others will get more priority and hopefully some passion. Things are easier to do when you know that is what you want to do.

what age do I want to get married? how rich do I want to be? how many friends do I want to have? Where do I want to live? What kind of house do i want? How often do I want to have holidays? what hobbies should I spend my time on? How hard should i work? how frequently should I change I job? How do I incorporate everything I want into my life? When do I want a child? How much should I donate to charity? How often should I see my extended family? How much time do I dedicate to excercise?

Normally, I want to grow old with more smile lines than frown lines and since happiness is usually an internal thing, the situations that I find myself in with this life should not effect this goal. However, since I have some control over the direction I want in life I should decide the path I want to take. It may change and there may be things that make my path difficult but that doesnt really matter, all that matters is that I am chosing my adventure and setting my course. time to write my long term goal, 3 year and 5 year plan..

probably my biggest and most important “thing” for myself, by myself, it’s all me baby. My life will be complete when this happens. Probably will take a wicked long time but it’ll be worth the wait.