Create the life I want to live

I liked this article

“Mostly, change is as inevitable as rain in the spring. Some of us just put on our raincoats and splash forward, some of us choose to stay home, a few admirable nuts shed their clothes and cavort in the yard, and some people go out and get deeply, resentfully, and miserably wet. And no matter what, the rain falls.”

Grow fruit and vegetables (and not have every flippin’ cat in the neighbourhood shit in my garden! How can I eat it if it’s grown out of cat shit??? They even crap in the pots when I try and grow stuff in pots!).

_{in a cop-out, song lyric post…yes, I just watched the Scrubs finale}

Peter Gabriel – Book Of Love

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It’s full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that’s where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It’s full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we’re all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

and she’s given me some great ideas to look into. Not immediate escape from my current situation (which, as I’ve realized, isn’t really the perfect solution given the baby goal), but steps I can take towards the place I want to be.

And hope…she gave me a lot of hope.

So…Kel, I will definitely be hitting you with some course/career questions soon! Just gotta do some research first.

is as important as knowing when to hang in there. For me, it’s a bigger challenge to give up than to stick it out.

The latest blog on the Happiness Project is Don’t Try to Keep That Resolution. Something I need to keep in mind as I do my year-end audit of my list.

There are things that I’ve kept on this list for years…and things that I’ve been telling myself I would do for longer than 43t has been around. What Gretchen doesn’t really address is how it makes me feel to have these unfinished goals staring me in the face. The big, long-term goals don’t bother me – it’s the little ones. Ones I could knock out in a day, a week, a month. My list becomes bogged down with things I’m not doing…and after two or three years, I have to ask myself why I’m not doing them. And why it bothers me so much to give them up.

Fear – it has way too much power over many. Learn to embrace it. Let it wash over you then wash it away.

to mooch about in my garden with wild, inappropriately coloured hair in stripey socks humming to myself, oblivious to the rest of the world.

Guess what I found while cleaning today? My 17-year-old self’s New Year’s resolutions. Written at 2:00 a.m. on January 1, 1992, in purple fountain pen ink (it was my thing), were the following resolutions (one for each year I’d been alive…I used to do that).

1. gain weight
2. get a car
3. get a job
4. take better care of myself
5. go to church at least once a month
6. get organized (and stay that way!)
7. cut down on the cigarettes
8. be as good of a person as I can be
9. get found!
10. enjoy life
11. do something fun every day
12. indulge myself in some way once a week
13. keep in touch with people I love
14. love me
15. get over the jealousy thing
16. be less insecure
17. be healthy, happy, young, and mature

I signed it with “I promise to try my best to keep these resolutions in this New Year.”

My first reaction was “how little things change.” Then I noticed I’d crossed off 2, 14, and 16 (because I guess I felt I’d accomplished them?). Well, I did get a car. I don’t know if I have met 14 and 16 yet, though I’m far closer than I was back then.

What have I accomplished?
1: I may be on the thin side these days, but I’m heavier than I was then.
2: Bought and paid for (in full, thank you very much) with my very own money.
3: Got one; want a different one.
4: Unequivocably.
5: Have realized in the intervening years that I’m an atheist, so this one no longer applies.
6: For the most part, yes.
7: I’ve come full circle on this one; I smoke just as much now as I did back then, and far less than I did in the years between.
8: Could be better, could be worse. This is more of an ongoing goal.
9: Still don’t have the answer for this one.
10: Or this one.
11: I make a point of it. Even if it’s something as simple as reading webcomics.
12: Not been so great at this. But I’m working on it.
13: I really suck at this one…I try, but I’ve got unanswered email in my inbox going back to March.
14: More than I did then.
15: Yeah, for the most part. The jealously stemmed from my fear of being alone. I’m no longer afraid of being alone, so it’s a non-issue. Which leads to
16: In some areas, I’ve done outstandingly well at this. Still suck at social situations, but I have more confidence in my abilities than I’ve ever had.
17: I’m sure this meant something really deep to my adolescent self, but damned if I can figure out what I was talking about. I’m somewhat healthy, somewhat happy, somewhat young, and somewhat mature. For what it’s worth. :)

All in all, not bad. Though I am amused that some of the goals have been on my list for 18 years.

Brilliant article/interview here from Barbara Sher.

I can’t help but agree: telling myself I’m wonderful, that life is great, blah blah, has done very little for me. Something that motivates me to do is sounds far, FAR more effective!

Anyone want to start a 43T group Success Team? :)

“How to get what you want, even if you have no goals, no character, and you’re often in a lousy mood”

to finish my undergrad.
to complete my RD.
to get my masters in nutrition.
to be independent.
to enjoy running again.
to compete in triathlons.
to go snowboarding again.
to eat clean.
to own a dog.
to educate women about the dangers of eating disorders.
to be happy with the way I look.
to accept that I may not dress trendy.
to understand that I don’t need fancy cars, money, or popularity to be happy.
to possibly marry.
to visit India.
to visit Australia again.
to try surfing.
to have a one night stand.
to look beautiful at the wedding in June.
to look smoking hot in a dress.
for him to eat his heart out and be sorry he didn’t try to make it work.
to tune out the gossip.
to run for myself, regardless of what I can’t control around here.
to pass my biochem class.
to swim again.
to prepare more vegetarian meals.
to tell people how I feel in a mature manner.
to run a marathon.
to purchase a beautiful bedset—matress, sheets, and all.
to own a dog.
to get over the past.