get over my depression

ive been fighting my depression for three years and i want to end it in the next three months…

Well I have been down a little bit for the last few days..but over all I am doing better..

well, i was a bit down yesterday after discovering some of my so-called m8z wer slagging me off on bebo (wtf did i do 2 them ayy?!) but i had a bath + an orange and felt much better :) i didnt cut, which i am very proud of! But all in all iv been really happy lately :D:D! XO

I have finally got a new years resolution. Only to do things that are fun. If it’s not fun, don’t do it! 2009 is going to be the year of fun! But at the moment, everything’s going great, I’ve been really happy :) I haven’t made a decision whether to go back to school or not yet, but I know my heart’s in school, even if it is a hell hole.
OX

Well I am not sure what the odds of this are…..a million to 1…maybe a little less….really… this made me cry….

Friday morning I got up to go to work left at 6:15 like I do on Friday…Keith was still there and getting ready for work too….

What are the odds, Mike showed up at my house was in the garage to get a table that I had asked him if he wanted, he did say that he would be by to get it at sometime. I asked him to come when I wasn’t there….little did I know that he would come the next day at 6:30 in the morning, that Keith would be there that they would run into each other in my garage. Of course Keith knew who he was, but Mike was at a loss for words and understandably upset. Maybe it is what he needed to realize that I am not just pining away waiting for him over her. (though we all knwo that I am) Keith of course helped him with the table. Keith then comes to my office and tells me he has met Mike….I was beside myself. Because honestly I do not want Mike to know about Keith and then again I do. But really I would never hurt him and I knew that hurt him deeply. I wanted to run over to Mike’s to see if he was okay….but he did leave me and he needs to realize he isn’t the only fish in the sea.

My mom said…ha, that is what he needed and Keith is a great looking guy in good shape and that will shake up Mike….

I don’t worry about Keith as he knows where I am at with Mike…knows what I want and he is strong and mentally healthly…

Crap….that sucked….still not knowing what to think….

I had a really good day today, so I’ve been very happy :D. The only time I was upset was when my mum was nagging at me to go back to school, when at the moment I’m recieving tuition. But she made up for it by buying me some jeans and a necklace + taking me to get my lebret pierced. :D OX

I have had depression for nearly four years, due to being bullied. It’s horrible and it really upsets my family, I attempted suicide once, and I hope I wont do it again. I currently see a psyciatrist, but I just feel it doesn’t help, however I don’t want to be on anti-depressants either, because they don’t deal with the problem.

It is always constant and present…I go along but there is always this sadness that sits in the back of my chest….Like I just wish I could catch my breathe and breath deeply. I can’t really remember the last time I was truly happy to be alive. I am merely existing. Though I know I am getting better, I want to be able to find the joy in my life like I used to have…..

Even before Mike I was happy….to be who I am…. Now I just want what I can not have…..

Some day I will be okay…for now I just am taking one day at a time.

I’d really like to get over my depression but I’m not sure how. Things are at their worst now as I can’t even get out of bed in the morning. I am so depressed and I can’t make myself feel better. I feel stuck in myself and being me. Since I was 13 I had sudden anxiety after playing this computer game called the Sims and I have had problems since then. I am 19 now and whilst everyone my age is living I feel like such a loser coz I can’t even take care of myself. I think about suicude a lot but I’m too scared to do anything, but that just leaves me trapped existing but feeling like I can’t bear it. I just had to tell someone. If this sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself I don’t mean to sound like that, this is honestly just how I feel everyday and I can’t help it. When I try to do other things I’m just faced with negative thoughts.

I don’t think I actually have depression but I get really sad at random times, it mostly has to do with time and change, I hate time and change, it so depressing to think that life just goes by and you can’t do anything about it. And that in like 20 years I probably won’t remember any of this and that all the big stuff that makes our lives this way, and that shape who we are will just be little fond memories. Also a lot has happened in the last 3 years that sucks and I don’t have anyone to turn to. My grandpa died (he was the man who shaped my dream and who I am, he was my greatest hero) then my grandma on my mom’s side died (grandpa was on dad’s side) the following year and then last year I was hit by a car which no one wil let me forget, I don’t want to talk to my parents about it because were in a bit of a money crisis, and to my friends I’m the angel who fixes all of there problems, and I do that because I figure that if I ever need help they’ll be there for me but there not! if I ever bring up getting hit by a car with my friend who was there she just reminds me of how stupid I sounded because when we were in the ambulance the i asked the nurse his name and he said it then i told him my own, yes it is stupid i mean of course he knows my name but i wasn’t really thinking at that time! and to constantly remind me of that almost every single week I just can’t take it!!! and then when I got really depressed in school because of my grandpa dying my other friend laughed at me!!!!! but anyway I’m not going to commit suicide because the thought of killing myself hurts more then it would to actually kill myself but I just really needed to get it all down so if you read this thanks for listening.