not let my emotions get the better of me

I like beating myself up…
I wish I wasn’t led by my emotions as much as I am :@

Recently I invested a lot of emotion, time into a situation (the time and emotion was also fueled with a considerable amount of wishful thinking)
Anyways said situation didn’t turn out how I wanted to at all, and the thing is, is that if this had happend any other time I KNOW that I would have reacted differently, I’d usually be REAL upset, angry, probably pretty bitter about the whole thing
I have no idea what it is, cause istead of taking it all to heart and getting really upset over it, I’ve been fine…
Just taking this for what it is – a lesson…

This week has been insane, work has been so busy, and I have in general been really down, moody. Pretty much a real bitch.
I really hate how I get in a bad mood and how from ONE little thing it just goes all downhill…
It just sucks!!

Man. I hate this. I hate how one thought, one notion can sometimes determin wether or not I have a good/bad day.
Today was one of those days, just being there with my thoughts that have no substance or basis and I end up wanting to cry my eyes out and get all shitty and depressed over it.
I think it was when I came to the realisation that feeling like that – there was no basis at all and I was pretty much acting like a child – you know, being brash and saying and doing the first feeling I felt?!? – That I started calming down and not thinking about it too much. I can’t let my thoughts control me, I can’t let my emotions get the better of me.

I had a chat with my mother today, she can get jealous and protective in relationships to the point where it’s insane, she lets it get the better of her and it builds up until it bursts.

I can be jealous and protective, I opened up to her that I have irrational fears which stem from the blowouts that would happen when I was younger. I am a cynic when it comes to love and people being faithful, I know it exists but fear tends to get the better of me.
I don’t blowout or up and people, I keep it in. I am not sure what’s worse, voicing irrational fears or keeping it inside until it eats away at you.

I don’t want either. I want to fully walk away from that, and not let an irrational emotion/fear get the better of me.