It’s been three years and she’s still fighting, though she is supposedly in remission. She does not believe that the cancer is gone. She had her breast removed, and it left her disabled (she no longer has use of her arm). The doctors f*cked up and refuse to admit it. No charities or organizations helped my mother while she was ill…not even to so much as get a wig. The whole experience has tainted my view of the world forever…especially for how cold and uncaring and hateful this place really is, and how horrible doctors can be even though we trust them. The worst part about that is that when you say that a doctor didn’t give a crap, or messed up, people look at you like they don’t believe you. But my mother is still my best friend and I love her more than anything. Together we manage, somehow, to deal with this…though we obviously must do it in very different ways, because she is the one facing her mortality, and I’m on the outside, facing the mortality of my mother.
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My mom has breast cancer and has been fighting it since late September. It was stage 3 when it was diagnosed. She’s in a lot of pain all the time, especially with leg cramps (side effect from medication). I live a couple states away from her unfortunately (though I got to be with her when she had her hair shaved off), and it’s so hard to motivate someone from a distance. It’s hard wanting to tell her not to give up, and feeling angry that someone who has been through so much in her life now has to go through this. She doesn’t always know if she can physically or emotionally make it through, especially once she has her breast removed. It’s hard to cope with the idea that she could choose not to make it, and hard to not feel angry about that, and hard knowing I don’t have the right to be angry if she decides not to (even though at the same time, I do support her fully)...because I love her, and if I love her I only want her to be happy. I think that’s what gave her the strength in the beginning to try. I hope, anyway.
