live as if everyday were my last

A day or two over seven months, and he called. I was shocked… The phone rang BLOCKED ID, as it usually does when he called, and I said hello.. and then said it again.. and nothing, the signal died.

I would have just tossed my cell back onto my bed, but I kept it with me and within three minutes it rang and a number showed up. I had no clue who it was, but I answered it. I said hello, there was a silence.. and then he said hello.. I was so shocked I nearly got sick..

We’re talking now.. things arn’t the same.. He’s been around for 9 days.. and I don’t know where this is going to go, but I”m learning a lot about what I miss and what I don’t miss..

I think.. That maybe.. I can get along.. all by myself.. Maybe.

I feel as though every day is my last day. However, instead of spending it with family or friends.. I choose to stay locked inside my room listening to the most depressing music you’ve ever heard. I can’t help but think that my life is a lie. That I wasn’t ment for much more than this and that when I do die, no one will be at my funeral.

I don’t live any day like it’s my last. I should make ends meet. Tell people that I haven’t talked to in a long time that I really miss them, because I do. I should tell anyone I’ve ever hurt that I’m sorry, because I am. But then there’s him… I don’t know what to say. I broke your heart, I lied to you, and in my mind.. what I’ve done is worse than if I were to cheat on you. I’m sorry. I truly am, but there’s no reason for me to tell you this again. Everytime I try to explain myeslf, you turn your back on me and leave me where I was in the begingin—alone.

“Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ’’tomorrow’’ on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday’s defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ’’If I had my life to live over again. ’’Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”