Take myself out to Dinner once a week

Hi, everybody i think it is a good idea to take myself out to dinner once a week.

Each weak I will go another place..

A Thai beef salad, a glass of rose wine and the hedonistic relaxation that a summer evening affords, reminded me once again how necessary the indulgence of a single night to oneself is in the multi-faceted fast pace of life. With the impending deadline of a photography project and my growing aversion to sitting at home in front of a computer screen, I took my laptop on Friday evening to a quaint Mediterranean restaurant in New Farm and spent several hours editing and sorting photos. Without company, conversation with the waiters or waitresses seemed less imposing and inhibiting and so it was that our frequent conversations canvassed all manner of subjects and provided much needed light relief to the impending demands and deadlines.

Observations of people are always of captive interest when I sit at a table by myself for it gives us a glimpse of life in transition. In observation, we perceive the tentative dialogue of men and women who are treading new and unfamiliar grounds of relational attachment… their mannerisms appear almost rehearsed, so perfected is the way in which they compose themselves. Wine is poured steadily as a social lubricant, glances are exchanged in subtle hesitancy and perusal of the menus provides a momentary distraction to formulate one’s thoughts for the conversation that is to follow. Then there are the couples whose reclined ease and natural poise indicates a more founded familiarity with the other. Wine is drunk not to ease the tension, but rather as a means to savor and enjoy the moment shared together, menus are glanced at with little consideration and their dialogue flows in more natural progression having already spent many years building a foundation of understanding in their relationship.

Humanity… we are an interesting species.

In its hours, the evening inspired more than simply the achievement of a few photos edited, it inspired a little indulgence in life that has been amiss these past few weeks. May I never lose sight of the importance of this goal…

Since my initial posting of this goal, I have been staggered by the number of people who have admitted to being unable to face going out to dinner by themselves. My innate quest for independence has always impelled me to seek seclusion in some form and so I have never been dissuaded by popular thought or opinion against seeking a solitary state even in an act as inconsequential as going out to dinner.

Many people are however, intimidated by the mere thought of facing a public place alone. The judgment of others weighs substantially on their mind and the fear of silence coerces any courage of independence into docile submission. The irony of such insecurities is that the very people whose judgment and opinion we fear are individuals we are in no way connected and shall very likely never meet again. Such torments of the mind, I have decidedly overcome and find myself regularly seeking an opportunity to escape to some unsuspecting sidewalk café or dockside restaurant for a cappuccino or sit-down meal. I have embraced this small act of solace as a lifestyle change. Immersing ourselves into the throngs of the general public with a clear and independence of mind can be a refreshing exercise. We not only gain enriched perspective of the world around us, but we also gain a greater respect and understanding of ourselves.

For a short interval of time we dare ourselves to act spontaneously, to make decisions in promptu that rely not on the input of others, to gage our reactions to the encroaching environment without the defense and protection of another individual and to expose our choices and preferences to the raw substance of who we are apart from the peer pressure or expectations of friends and peers. A verse by Ralph Waldo Emerson that I have quoted on many occasions sums up so aptly the essence of this search for individual meaning: ‘What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude

My appointment with myself each week has transitioned from dinner to a Sunday afternoon coffee or a Saturday morning brunch. My eating restrictions have in some ways actually promoted this goal even more for I find myself arranging my own meals much more than I used to and therefore welcome more the opportunity to get out of the house. Over the past few weeks, I have frequented several quaint cafés in Brisbane City, Paddington and the Valley, and though on most occasions it has been simply to have a cup of tea or coffee, it has given me a much needed chance of escape and refreshment.

The problem with schedules and the ever busy life we lead is that if something needs to be sacrificed from the agenda – it’s usually those appointments that we have made with ourselves. Somehow we don’t tend to place as much importance and urgency on those shaded in spaces of the calendar which are reserved for our own time out as we do on appointments with friends, meetings or social gatherings. It really is a change of mindset to view appointments with ourselves as absolutely unchangeable and high on our set of priorities.

I have lapsed somewhat from my original goal of making ‘time out’ a priority. Somehow it seems that life gets so overly busy that the mere thought of having a night free from responsibility is a distant concept. Several times over the past few months I have determined to go out one night but always I am plagued with the ‘to-do list’ that shows no leniency in my mind. Therefore all plans are aborted in an attempt to reconcile my growing list of tasks.

It’s almost a catch 22 in some ways – time to refresh always gives us more energy to pursue our other areas of involvement and yet dedicating time out means we neglect and fall further behind in those matters which keep us bound. Yesterday morning I took myself out to breakfast at a small restaurant in New Farm, close to the city precinct. It was such a relaxing and rewarding time even though it lasted only an hour. A French latte and eggs benedict with jazz playing softly in the background and the sun streaming through the full paned windows made for the perfect morning. I really should do it more often!

Two goals achieved in one night, I tried a new restaurant and I did so in style – by myself.

I had a beautiful meal in between reading a few chapters of a book ‘Secrets from the Treadmill’ by Phil Briscoe. A challenging text about incorporating sabbaticals and time-outs into our busy and engaging lives.

It was such a peaceful evening as there were very few people dining and I had a beautifully secluded table on the deck. A memorable night out…

I think so often we underestimate the importance of solitude and reflection. We are forever on the fast treadmill of life and pace ourselves so well that we rarely feel the need to stop. Quiet meditation, peaceful reflection and introspective study are crucial factors of our lives that are so easily overlooked, yet the paradox is that these are the very things that renew our wellspring of life and nourish our souls.

It has been said that of all the people we encounter in our lifetime, the most time ever spent with a single person is indeed ourselves. If we cannot be at peace and relaxed enough with our own company, how can we justifyingly pursue other interests with peaceful conviction.

It may only be an hour a week, but over a nice meal, peaceful surroundings and uninterrupted thought I may for one brief moment find peace with the world.