start living and stop dying

This is the easiest part of life; fun, socializing, and relationships. Living it up seems to be the only part of life that I actually enjoy. Within my growing older and learning a very small portion of what life really is. I consider the different aspects of morality, religion, and of course politics. I no longer want to sleep with random women, I no longer hate the idealism of belonging to someone romantically. All the things I said I didn’t want that my elders told me I’d change my mind about is coming to fruition. Loosing ones identity is a terribe and trecherious but surreal aspect of life. I wonder to myself now, what is living? Partying, fair weather friends, drinking, and fast women. Is this at all living? I am starting to understand my self-destructive behavior and where it has gotten me. I think I need to re-define my style of life.

After many years of self-lothing, I think I am ready to give up this self addiction to watching the world go by. I’ve so much catching up to do, I am ready to start doing whatever It is that I am supposed to do. I’ve tryed so many things, alcohol, relogion, justification. Nothing really worked out thus-far; so I am going back to school and gonna make my family proud. Well,I guess I have to learn to make myself proud. It’s an intresting delima, I wish I just came with a manual! All this livin’ seems so easy, untill you actually have to do it.