That was actually a very sweet V-Day. BF surprised me the day before since I was working ALL day and night on the actual holiday. I wasn’t expecting anything on Monday!

He came home with flowers, chocolate (that’s a first), and ingredients to make a favourite meal of mine from home. He also bought the “fancier” version of my favourite Georges DuBoeuf wine! Then we sat on the couch and he didn’t turn on the TV, but rather sat and TALKED! :O

Dinner was fantastic – used about half a stick of butter, half a bottle of wine, and a ton of shallots because we were out of garlic. Fantastique!!

We had a much-needed and excellent chat for the rest of the night. What touched me was that he was so sensitive to what I specifically like – he knew not to get me roses, he knew I don’t like truffles, he knew that food from home makes me feel comforted, and he knew exactly what was bothering me. Wow!! I don’t need dinner at a fancy restaurant, or expensive jewelry, or any other purchased luxury – what I want is someone who knows me as well as him. :)

P.S. In case you’re wondering, I got him a card and an epic mix of trail mix made from multiple kinds of trail mix, because that’s one of his favourite snacks. :) 15 months ago

P came home last night with a dozen baby red roses and some delicious Pinot Gris. I lava lava this man. 15 months ago

LOVE IS DIFFICULT…

“For one human being to love another—that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

AND YET LOVE GETS ME THROUGH THE WINTERS OF LIFE…

“When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.” – Phil the weatherman in Groundhog Day

AND, LOVE IS A SUPERB ANTIOXIDANT…

“Every thing there is but lovin’ leaves a rust on your old soul.” – Langston Hughes

Happy Valentine’s Day to Everyone!

^{image of Valentine’s Day Tree from wikimedia commons}15 months ago

He brought me chocolates and a sweet, cheesy card and he took me out for lunch yesterday. I’m reciprocating by taking him out to dinner this Sunday, to a restaurant that is a meat-lover’s heaven.

In the meantime, I made him a card and some Valentine’s Day vouchers. Amongst other things, they entitle him to: breakfast in bed; a bottle of pinot noir; a movie and treats of his choice; a trip on the ferry to Waiheke Island; sexy times in a public place … ^{and two or three other kinkier things, the sort we probably don’t mention around polite company}

Happy Valentine’s Day! I do like this holiday :) 15 months ago

“In the Celtic tradition, there is a beautiful understanding of love and friendship. One of the fascinating ideas here is the idea of soul-love; the old Gaelic term for this is anam ċara. Anam is the Gaelic word for soul and ċara is the word for friend. … In the early Celtic church, a person who acted as a teacher, companion, or spiritual guide was called an anam Ċara. It originally referred to someone to whom you confessed revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. With the anam ċara you could share your innermost self, your mind, and your heart. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. … In everyone’s life there is great need for an anam ċara, a soul friend, in this love you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. Where you are understood, you are at home.”

^{- excerpt from Anam Cara by John O’Donohue (quoted in On Being with Krista Tippet interview with John O’Donohue.)}15 months ago

And one day I read in him [Meister Eckhart, 14th century German mystic] and he said, “There is a place in the soul — there is a place in the soul that neither time, nor space, nor no created thing can touch.” And I really thought that was amazing, and if you cash it out, what it means is, that in — that your identity is not equivalent to your biography. And that there is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there’s still a sureness in you, where there’s a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquility in you. And I think the intention of prayer and spirituality and love is now and again to visit that inner kind of sanctuary.

^{- the late John O’Donohue, from On Being with Krista Tippet interview transcript}15 months ago

I needed a break from relinquishing, so here is today’s quote on faith, courage, and love:

“The practice of faith and courage begins with the small details of daily life. The first step is to notice where and when one loses faith, to look through the rationalizations which are used to cover up this loss of faith, to recognize where one acts in a cowardly way, and again how one rationalizes it. To recognize how every betrayal of faith weakens one, and how increased weakness leads to new betrayal, and so on, in a vicious circle. Then one will also recognize that while one is consciously afraid of not being loved, the real, though usually unconscious fear is that of loving. To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.“

^{- excerpt from “The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm (from http://www.ijourney.org/index.php?tid=603)}

So, I’m gonna keep the faith, and commit myself without guarantee to keep on relinquishing, at least for today. 15 months ago

Two recent readings dealt with self-deception. The first one describes the difficulties of change from the viewpoint of a psychotherapist:

“When people pop pills without also engaging in psychotherapy, they are not addressing the deep-seated problems that are caused [sic] their depression, anxiety, self-doubt and compulsions. The act of avoiding what makes them anxious about themselves likely is at the heart of their problem to begin with. Without making the effort to address how they got stuck, they are likely to only perpetuate their shame and feelings of inadequacy regardless of the effectiveness of the medication. “I am not strong enough to tackle my problems,” is the message they give themselves. “I have to find an easy way out.”...The process involves work—more than just popping a pill. But if you really want to get to the crux of your problems, looking inside to find a sense of purpose may be more profound than anything you keep in your medicine cabinet.”

^{- excerpt from “Contentment: What You Can’t Find in a Pill:America’s addiction to antidepressants.” Published on October 22, 2011 by Eric Sherman, LCSWCouch Meets World}

The second writing deals with the solution, from the viewpoint of the Buddhist concept of “Wise Effort” and relinquishment:

“As we relinquish, we come to terms with emptiness. We become driven by the primary question, ‘What is left when everything unessential is abandoned?’ That question comes from the heart that longs to end the burden of self. We see the senseless, self-induced struggle of our life, and we stop. That is relinquishment. It is not complex, detailed, or stressful; it is completely simple and utterly obvious.”

^{- from An Excerpt from Stepping Out of Self-Deception: The Buddha’s Liberating Teaching of No-Self by Rodney Smith}

Now it’s time to tackle those anxious old habitual thoughts that fool me into fearing that my old paperwork is somehow essential when I know that it’s not. After all, which is my heart’s real desire, hanging onto this old stuff or getting rid of it? Let’s see what I can relinquish this evening, and see what’s left afterwards. 15 months ago

I am inspired by the Map of the Heart at www.spiritualityandpractice.com. Every day leading up to Valentine’s Day, they post an interesting “heart” image and quote. I’m also inspired on some days by their other spiritual readings and practices.

I thought maybe I’d make my own stab at doing this in the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, with quotes taken from some things I’ve been reading lately that have something to do with “love” or “the heart”. Here’s my first quote:

“There is a close relation between the struggle to put things in order within your self, within your life, and the ordering of the space around you…. But it takes a long time to see that orderliness and cleanliness is not just cleaning the room but it is getting your life in order. So bringing things into order is the goal. Order is the disposition of things in which each gives to the other its room, its own proper place. That’s the external aspect. The other is that order that springs from love: there’s no other way of establishing order except through love.“

^{- excerpt from Become What You Are by Bro. David Steindl-Rast O.S.B. (http://www.gratefulness.org/readings/dsr_become.htm)}

Time for me to go offline and struggle to put my things and life in order. Maybe today I’ll see if I can practice doing it with love. 15 months ago

I know there’s people out there who hate this contrived holiday, but I look at it as a much-needed excuse to find time in our busy lives to do something sweet and romantic for one another. We’ve never been big on gifts, but it’s sort of important for me to DO something together, something out of the ordinary to show that our relationship is special and deserves to be celebrated.

Either that, or there’s all that Valentine’s candy! ;)

This holiday never bothered me when I was single, because I still saw it in the same light. Hope no one is getting sucked into the romcom drama of feeling like a loser just because Feb. 14 is rolling around and you’re not in a relationship – if I were single, I would probably be taking this as an opportunity to dote on myself a little bit! 15 months ago

And I want to do something LOVELY for him. And something sexy, too. 15 months ago