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not be passive aggressive

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Gravisdestroying all i touch

i am heading towards a major turning point in my life. For some that would be a great thing. Something sought after.The cross roads that I have come to however is much more perilous and frieghtning.
I am a passive aggressive person, with a passive aggressive personality and all if the short falls that come with it. Mortal fear of confrontation, especially one that i cannot control, feeling of resentment that often boils over and hurts the one person that i care about the most in this world.Actually the only thing I have ever cared about enough to see my problem.
I dont know exactly how long i have been this way but it seems like a lifetime, all my short lifetime.I dont really understand how i became this way either. I do k ow that it hurts. It hurts badly and it makes me want to hurt like I hurt.
Theres a lot that i dont know at the moment. But I do know that I am at that cross road.I am ready to put it all down. am ready to feel. 4 years ago


bluebutton32Untitled

So.. I just did a little 43things search for this goal and variations of it and I found that while several people have adopted this goal.. No one has accomplished it. Hmm…

Okay, except for Anji.. BUT, she didn’t say how this miraculous change occurred, unfortunately. 7 years ago


bluebutton32Untitled

So.. How do you do this?

I barely ever even know that I’m being passive aggressive until I think about it afterwards. It’s hard to stop it before it happens. 7 years ago


bluebutton32Untitled

I need to stop being so insecure just all over the place. Today I come home and my roommate shows me this new coffee pot he got for our apartment. He says it doesn’t need filters, I bitchily say then you have to clean the coffee out of it. Which is true and I do think kind of annoying, but who cares? I could have just acted excited because either way I’m washing the stupid coffee out of it. This is a long running battle… 7 years ago


bluebutton32I do this.

How do you not do this? I don’t like my roommate because she never leaves. I can’t confront her about this. I have to just get over it. But why can’t she just leave? I don’t like to encourage her to be in the room. I don’t engage in much conversation with her. This is how I feel I am being passive aggressive. I just want her to leave. I sit here and I secretly judge her. She sits in bed all day. She complains about the stress in her life, even though there is none. She quits her job because she needs down days, even though everyday of her life is a down day.. She never goes to class.. Why is she in school? I feel ike my judging her creates the passive aggression, but, if she didn’t do these things and leave the room every once in a while I might not be judging her so much. Agh, agh ahg… 8 years ago


bluebutton32...towards zach..

He hurts me and it makes it hard for me to not want to hurt him a little bit when I can. I don’t like this. I want us to be happy and be friends, but it’s hard. agh. 8 years ago


bluebutton32I just need to vent...

This is mostly directed toward my roommate. She’s not terrible, but she does leave much to be desired. Mostly because she never leaves. She works in the morning four days a week and I think it’s the only reason I’m still sane. She skips all of her classes, I’m not kidding at all, and she doesn’t really have friends here, so she doesn’t go out. She’s been sick three times since January, she’s called in sick at least five times (this kills me everytime). In the mornings sometimes when her nose is particularly stuffy she will just sit in her bed and blow her nose every thirty seconds or so for about five minutes. I know I would appreciate it if she would get up, go to the hall/bathroom/anywhere else, get as much out as she can, then come back. I don’t want to wake up to your disgusting snot. And, then, because she doesn’t really have friends here she talks to me all the time. I can mostly handle this, but she complains about everything. She talks about how stressful her life is when I don’t get how it can be that stressful because all she does is sit in our room and watch movies on her computer. She doesn’t go to class, she works three hours a day, what is there to be stressed about? And if you’re so stressed, why don’t you use some of this down time that you have so much of and be proactive? Fix some of your problems. And she’s loud. Not only does she generally talk using a voice slightly louder than necessary, she just has that kind of abrasive voice that travels. And the walls are thin. I’m sure the entire hall knows the drama in room 405. That’s not really okay with me. And, I know, I should be nice to her, she just needs some friends, but she has said she doesn’t want any because shes leaving at the end of the year. And, I have to hang out with her all the time, so I don’t feel like it’s my job to entertain her outside of our room. I know, I probably sound like a terrible person, but I need to vent. I feel like the problems we have are not problems that can really be addressed. I can’t tell her she needs to leave, although thats what would make the biggest difference in my attitude toward her. I don’t know, its only thirteen more weeks maybe. But, agh. I need alone time. 8 years ago


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