remove my facial hair

I’m not that hairy but I have dark hair AND a fair complexion, so they get noticed too much!
There’s a solution but I have to wait until September…

So, I talked to them a while ago, and since I did that I sort of feel better about it. I can’t really afford to get rid of it, I guess, and I think that must be because it isn’t worth it to me. I am starting to feel less self conscious about it. I don’t even think about it everyday anymore. I sort of let it grow for a few days then go crazy with the tweezers. I’m not sure why. And it’s not like I would ever discuss it with a real person, and I still get horrified at the thought of my friends seeing it and knowing my secret. But, it’s there, it’s a part of me and I guess I just have to deal with it.

I went and talked to them. I was really nervous. It was the first time ever I had said the words to an actual person. And they kind of acted like it was nothing. Like, very no big deal. And, I think I’m going to do it. It costs kind of a lot of money I think, but I do have money and I kind of think it will be easier than I think. If I call them by tomorrow I save 30%, and, um, I don’t remember what else, but I feel as though it will be very positive. It was really stressful though, I walk into this office full of blonde hairless women, I was so nervous about actually saying the words, even though I wrote it on a piece of paper so I barely had to say the words, but it was nerve wracking. Anyway, I’m proud of myself and I hope I can get the nerve to call and confirm my actual doing this tomorrow. Because I do think I really actually want to, and the money is slightly deterring, but obviously will be worth it.

So, maybe three days ago I was reading some inane site that I check probably semi daily. There, in a banner on the side of the screen flashed an ad “Enter to win at the American Laser Center.” So, I click on it thinking I’ll enter essentially with the result of recieving unwanted junk mail that my roommates will see and judge me for. However, I start filling out the boxes. Name, half my phone number, my city and state, email address. I click enter and submit it thinking nothing of it. But, then yesterday I get an email saying I won third prize – $300 dollars for any service I want. Hmm.. I have hair on my face and I don’t want it there, and I’m scared to do anything about it. I want this, I want it gone. And I somehow won this.. Quite possibly the push I need to actually do this. This thing that is actually huge and would change my life a little bit. Hm. But it scares me.

Most definitely. :-)

The stress this adds to my life just acknowledging this as something I have to deal with.. If I think of it as this part of my day that I block out and associate no words with I can deal with it, but if I actually think of it as a real part of my life I get overwhelmed with stress. This makes it difficult to deal with.

Tonight, we were watching a movie and I was cuddling with my friend who I cuddle with and he touched my face, which he has sort of done before but it always makes me really uncomfortable and I kind of move my head a little bit, but I didn’t tonight. I just let it go. It was sort of stressful, but it turned out okay and I wasn’t weird and he didn’t know, and it was nice, so I’m pretty glad.

This morning my roommate called in sick to work, which she does all the time and every time she does it ruins my life a little bit. Due in part to the fact that I now have no private time in my day (becuase she won’t leave at any point I promise you) to pull out my facial hairs. I do think this is something I have to do eah and every day, and I am now sitting here on ym bed stressing out much more than I should be because I don’t see when in my day I will have this opportunity and I can’t handle it. I wish I just didn’t have to deal with it, which is why I really need to do this.

I start to consider this more and more as I sit in front of my mirror for what feels like hours in the morning pulling at the skin on my face. It makes me feel so ugly. I feel like everyone knows and judges me. I want to go and maybe talk to someone about it. Like, go to a place that does it and just sort of have a little conversation about what it is. I think that would be helpful. I should really do this. It would make me so much happier. Just in everything. Knowing that I didn’t have to think about how I was going to get rid of it each morning. Being able to go camping with my friends without thinking that they will all see the hairs coming out of my face. Letting Zach touch my face without feeling like he’ll feel the hair and be disgusted. Being able to wear my hair up. I can’t even imagine these things anymore, almost. But it makes me feel vain, and I’m scared. What if everyone knows? What if it goes wrong? I should just do it. I should.

So, I have sideburns. I’m an eighteen year old girl. It’s been there since about seventh grade. I pluck out the hairs each morning, but I’m still kind of really self concious about it. I just looked up in the phone book hair removal and there were quite a few places that will do that. One even had prices and it wasn’t that expensive. It’s something I really want to do, but I’m scared. It makes me feel vain. But, I can’t even imagine not having to do that every morning. How nice that would be.. I don’t know how to go into looking for a place that seems like they will do the best job and be the safest. I would love to do this.