acknowledge and feel proud of all the things I DO accomplish

yesterday, I was ust trying to find people to talk to for different articles and couldn’t get hold of anyone who had anything to say, very frustrating. Today though, I found a good source for one article and finished writing that, got hold of another guy to talk to for another article and did a long phone interview with him, and made arrangements for several other interviews later in the week. Very happy about that!

Nothing much gets done this evening, I’m going to the opera to see Andreas Scholl and Concerto Copenhagen in concert, very much looking forward to that! Then I’ll have to write a review, which is very scary because my editor also has tickets to this concert, and he has been living and breathing classical music for 50 years, so he really knows what he’s talking about. So I’m freaking out a bit about getting it all wrong and him thinking I’m a complete idiot. He actually stayed home from work today though, because he’s a bit sick and his son has the swine flu. Must admit I’m kind of hoping he’ll stay home from the concert too.
Either way, should be a great concert, and this is one which I asked to be allowed to go to and write from, and the editor said yes, quite happy about that initiative too!

- I finally managed to sit down and get some seriously boring paperwork done, that I should have done a while ago. I hate that stuff and procrastinate like crazy, but now it’s done.
- Paid some bills, also something I tend to procrastinate on.
- I did 15 minutes of relaxation exercises, which for me is quite excellent.
- Did some strength excercises
- Hid dog treats around the appartment, a very popular thing with the canine division of the curlychaos household.
- I’ve had no diet sof drinks at all today. I love them and tend to have quite a lot, since there are almost no calories. Lots of other nasty stuff though, so I’m trying to cut back.
- Now I’m off to practice some piano, take Cora out for her evening cat chasing session, and then a little time to relax before bed!

that I haven’t used this very difficult week as an excuse to fall into my favorite trap: comfort eating. Instead, I decided that I’m not going to make myself feel even worse by overeating and feeling fat and miserable, and I have actually lost a kilo this week. I even managed to say no to cake at work twice this week. It remains to be seen if I will be able to keep it up, but I am quite proud of myself for doing it this week, so hopefully I will. Tonight is crisps-night though, but that is ok, I have decided to allow myself yummy treats once a week. I’m not one of those people who can give unhealthy food up completely, that would just cause me to go nuts at some point, ruin my diet by eating crisps until I felt nauseaus and then give up on the diet completely. So, tonight, yummy treats!

Saturday, S’s last day in CA, and my temporary single parenthood means that both E and I can lay claim to this goal.

I drove us the 2 hrs. to NH and I spent the afternoon sorting through my mother’s clothes. Two closets, a cedar chest, two suitcases and a duffel bag that came home from the nursing home, and 5 big plastic boxes. Before I went, I had settled it in my mind that I was going to take only one thing for myself: a sweater I’d brought her from Ireland. I can wrap myself up in that when I want to wrap myself in her. Otherwise, the things can all go to someone who can use them and not have sad associations with them. Having made that decision ahead of time helped minimize the agonizing. It still wasn’t easy, though.

Some stuff I threw away (underwear, bathing suits), a ton of stuff is headed to Goodwill, and about 20 bags are going to be picked up by my friend who is a nun—one of the nuns in her convent works with refugees arriving from Africa who have basically nothing. I set aside the things in great condition for them.

My father thought he was going to be sad to see all the clothes go, but he found he was not. I’m glad about that. And I think he’s glad that it’s all done. One less thing for him to deal with.

Then I drove us the 2 hrs. home, stopping for dinner on the way.

E’s accomplishment was that he was an angel all day, with no pep talks from me to make him determined to be good. He just was. He got ready to go in the morning with no hassle, he amused himself in the car with the books and toys I’d packed, he watched the Red Sox on TV with Grandpa, did WebKinz, played with more toys, and just pretty much kept himself occupied and out from underfoot without whining. And then when I was exhausted on the way home, he was too, but he stayed good humored the whole way. I am so grateful about this, and I gave him lots of positive reinforcement.

Then yesterday, I made more decisions about my mom’s jewelry and her big stash of cross-stitching supplies. That was actually more wrenching than I thought it would be, but perhaps just because I was tired and my emotional resistance was down.

Anyway, I did a lot of work this weekend, work that was particularly draining because of the emotional element of it, and I got through it and I held it together. So I’m patting myself on the back.

so it’s not really “done,” but enough to take it off the list. I’ve realized that I need to focus on how much I do and think well of myself for that, instead of dwelling on what I don’t manage. I’m only human…and, in fact, I think I’m more efficient than many. It’s helped to realize that. And I can always make more entries if I want to. So, off the list this goes.

and a quick bread (chocolate cherry! can’t wait to try it!) and wrapped approximately a million presents and let E have a friend over. All in the last 2 days.

Hi everyone on 43T! I dropped in…and now I’m gone again.

Merry Christmas, in case I don’t get to drop in again to say so before it comes.

I threw two great parties this weekend. Well, S helped, but I really did 95% of it, he readily admits. And I am damn proud of myself, because I had everything planned out and organized and it all went so smoothly. And guests had a fantastic time, and we had a fantastic time.

Saturday was E’s (delayed) “family party,” held at our house. We’d set up the whole inside of the house for it, and then the weather was incredibly beautiful, so we moved it all outside. It began at noon and was scheduled to end around 3, but we were delighted that most people stayed until around 8. E and his cousins were having so much fun running around playing together, and the adults just enjoyed it, sitting in lawn chairs watching and chatting (and drinking). As the sun began to go down, we ordered Chinese food, and just relaxed and reveled in it all. This is why we moved closer to family. It was just picture-perfect.

Sunday afternoon was E’s “kid party.” We’d invited his class and his soccer team (ending up with 16-17 attendees) to Ward’s Berry Farm, where they went on a hay ride, got to pick a pumpkin, did the corn maze, then gathered for pizza, cake, and ice cream. Everyone had a blast (several are now thinking of doing their own parties there) and we were again lucky in the weather. It was another of those days where you just can’t stop marveling over how nice it is.

I swear, last night I was on a high from how well both these parties went (and the lessened tension of having them in the past, not in the future).

_{Now someone needs to come take the leftover cake and ice cream out of my house.}

Whew! It’s been a busy, busy, busy week. I am really proud at how well I navigated it without letting any balls drop. (I believe I am allowed to mix metaphors since I’ve only had one cup of coffee so far.) What I’m proud of most, though, is how many times I coped with being pushed out of my comfort zone. Almost every day, basically.

S was away at a conference for two weeks and I held the fort.

Kept E fed, clean, organized, amused. Brought him to his games, school events, etc. Mowed the lawn, weeded, mulched. Took out the trash. Fed the fish. Did all the cat care. Made all the meals and cleaned up from them. Cleaned the house. Worked. Visited my parents. And countless other things I can’t remember right now.

This really brought home how much S is an equal partner in the house and as a parent. I was getting up at 5:30 and going to bed at 11:00 and filling every minute of the day with things that had to be done. I was exhausted and so tired of never coming to the end of things that needed doing.

Plus, I really missed him.

He’s been home almost 3 days now, and life is back to normal. So now I can give myself a huge pat on the back for doing it all while he was gone. Yay me!

I’ve been getting a lot done lately that I haven’t bothered putting in my to-do list. Just things that occur to me as I go through my day. I feel like I’m making progress—that the cumulative effect of many small things I’m doing is paying off. I’m feeling good about myself.