gain self-confidence

Progress:

• Everything that has made me more independent.
• I finally have a job! I’m not spending my days sitting at home doing absolutely nothing productive.
• I have a wonderful, amazing boyfriend whom I adore, and is my best friend and my touchstone. Knowing I will always have him to support me and take care of me has given me so much more confidence in dealing with the world and other people.
• I have friends now! Real friends. I have people who like me, who like being around me! People who find me interesting, sweet, funny, smart, pretty. And knowing that they do and that they are there to support me gives me so much more confidence.
• I am secure with how I look and how I dress. Knowing I look good gives me that extra confidence.
• I’m finally doing well in my classes. I have an A in both, and the semester is half-way over.

Things to work on:

• To become closer to the friends I do have.
• To speak clearly and confidently, and voice my opinion.
• Really continue to work at my classes. Don’t lose it when everything’s going so well. And stop procrastinating!
• Be confident and calm enough to hang out in the B-Lounge with everyone.

In my last entries I talked about how I was taking a class again and how this time I was going to complete it successfully and not screw it up again. But I did screw it up again. And that killed my confidence for a while. But now it’s five months later and I’m ready to try again. I truly believe in myself this time. I have my boyfriend and my friends supporting me, and I have a future in mind that I want to strive towards.

Outside of school stuff, I’m becoming more independent, which has really boosted my confidence in myself. And lately I’ve really been coming out of my shell, and discovering that people really do like me. I’ve become so much more secure and confident in my image of myself, and my confidence just keeps growing.

And things are going well. Judging from the syllabus this wont be a difficult course. I’ve marked all due dates on my calendar, which I’ve been using religiously lately. I’m confident that I’ll pass. I can already feel my confidence coming back. It’s good. I’m not nearly at the point I need to be at, or at the point I was at before. But I’m getting there, and I know it’s attainable.

I was doing so well. More confident than I had ever felt before. But then the class I was taking…just didn’t go well. I gave up on it, but still managed to pass with a D, probably because I had contacted the teacher and told him about my problems…So I guess I passed, but it doesn’t mean anything. This was supposed to be my reentry to school and life, and I screwed it up, again. So, no. I don’t have that confidence anymore. I feel like a failure. But I’m not giving up. I’m registering for another class tomorrow. And this time, I’m going to do it right. There is no way I’m doing that to myself again, and even more importantly, doing that to all of the people that were supporting me. I am not allowing myself to make the same mistakes again.

And when I do complete this class successfully. Then I can start feeling confident again. I need to prove to myself and everyone that I’m not a complete failure. That’s what I need if I’m going to regain that confidence I lost. I know I can do it, and I’m not accepting any of my excuses. I know what real confidence feels like now, and I need that if I’m going to be happy and function normally.

I have spent so many months trying to figure out why my self-confidence is so low and I am coming up empty. I know that I am smart, people tell me I am pretty, and I have a loving and supportive family yet I don’t feel like I am up to par. In social situations I tend to be very quiet, in meetings or classes I am afraid to speak up (and then unbearably frustrated when someone says/asks what I was just thinking!!). I’m hoping that exploring my lack of self confidence in this forum will help.

I was doing so well with this goal. More confident than I’d ever felt before. But earlier this week something happened that was just a huge blow to my confidence. It was really shattered for a little while. I’m back now, but I think it’s going to take some time until I reach the point I was at before. But luckily through this I’ve also found a source of motivation, something to strive towards, and I know that will help me more than anything.

I can say I have more self-confidence now than I’ve ever felt before. But it’s still something I want to work on. I don’t want this to be a temporary thing, I want to make it a part of who I am.

but I’m marking it off, not so much because I have done one specific thing since adding this goal that has increased my self-confidence, but because I have proven that I have the self-confidence to move forward. Looking back, I have surprised myself on numerous occasions, and I hope I will continue to do so. So, my work here is done. In reality, this goal was worded wrong. I realize that it would have been impossible for me to be the person I am without a pretty strong sense of myself, so “gain” really should have been “bolster” or “increase.” Nonetheless, I think my self-esteem level is fine. There will always, of course, be those moments of self-doubt, self-deprecation, we all have them, I think. But I don’t need a goal to help me with those.

In terms of this goal, I’m at a really low point right now. Self-confidence might come if I was able to get over my panic attacks. For a while, they were gone, but lately I have been getting them more frequently. Perhaps summer vacation will help…

This tends to get significantly harder as I go. You’d think it would get easier but I guess once you’ve been knocked down several notches in self esteem, it’s hard to stand up taller when people are like “Yeah, go for her ankles, take her down quick.”

But, even so, I’m refusing to stay down. So get the hell out of my way, because I’ll be coming through, even if I have to crawl first. I guess realizing that, is a step in the right general direction.