Well, I cleaned and tidied it like it’s never been cleaned and tidied. And put plastic on the windows to make sure it’s cozy in there. We don’t want to have to stay under the covers ALL the time!

We talked about some other changes we could make that would make it nice in there: getting some more artwork and some mirrors, etc.

But even just tidying it up makes a huge difference. Being in there gives me a sense of calm, now. 3 years ago

said my sweetie last night. And he’s right. Sure, the cabinet organization is still evolving, but we do have working counter space, places to put things away, and a process for shopping and cooking and cleaning up that seems to work. Ahh, what a relief! 5 years ago

We are doing those cosmetic things it’s easy to look past once you’ve lived somewhere for a while: putting artwork up and such. In just the past few days, it’s started feeling much more homey around here. And tomorrow it will be filled with loving family and friends. What better way to create a nurturing love nest? 5 years ago

Our new comforter set; I love it because it’s so gold and shiny, it cracks me up! the non-shiny side is very plush and soft and comfy against the skin, too. Next step to improving our sleeping space: the walls 5 years ago

We have had lots of changes in our lives lately: employment and work schedule changes, changes in our physical environment (moving and rearranging), changes in the animal population in our household. We are moving towards a morning routine that works for all of us. And today I see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I am even considering purchasing a fancy programmable cat feeder to eliminate morning meow assaults. I think this could fit into the October budget.

Good sleep and a functional morning routine will make our home a much more nurturing love nest for all of us. Ahhhh! 5 years ago

What a relief! To be able to walk down the hallway without picking your way around things, ahhhh! To be able to carry something down the hall without having to lift it over or wrangle it around things. Hooray! 5 years ago

(though not yet beautiful). Our kitchen has less than 5 boxes in it! It takes a lot of time and energy, but we are actually moving much faster than I thought we would on this. Yay, us! 5 years ago

Well, we didn’t succeed with this goal at our last apartment, but now we have a chance to start over in a new place. My sweetie is feeling a little overwhelmed by the disorganization and at a loss as to where to start. But he says moving helped him feel confident in his ability to organize things, so I’m trying to help him build on that, and hold on to the momentum we’ve got going from our move.

I trust that our work in counseling and our improved communication will help us achieve this goal together. 5 years ago

My husband is still such a slob. I do not understand this about him or about anybody else who is a slob. It’s like he has no sense of aesthetics or like clutter and mess doesn’t bother him. He piles all his stuff all over both dressers and throws his clothes around on the floor. When I complain he says just throw his stuff wherever. So our bedroom always has piles of his clothes here and piles of his papers there. I feel like even when I straighten the bed and sweep and all, our room still looks all janky because of his junk.

We already have a hamper in the bedroom for his dirty clothes. The problem is he either doesn’t use it or we get behind on laundry so that it is full. Then he starts throwing stuff on the floor. I do think we need a different storage option for his papers and stuff.

What I need to do is sell him on how the features of a beautiful bedroom will benefit him. Namely, number one way is a happier wife who gets more and better sleep because she sleeps in beautiful surroundings. So less aggravation and nagging for him. Thoughts?

Today we are going to pick out a new comforter and buy a big plant for our bedroom. The Love Nest is getting there! 5 years ago

For the second time since we moved here, we had dinner guests! We did a really good job of working together to make this happen. Sweetie did all the cooking, as he usually does these days, while I tidied the entire place.

I was afraid that cleaning for guests might take me some places I’ve been in the past, places I didn’t want to go again: the pit of crabbiness (that our place isn’t what I want it to be) and the black hole of blame and recriminations about whose fault that might be (mine? never!). I set an intention before we began that I wanted to enjoy the preparations with my partner, as well as enjoying my time with our guests. To go from zero to nurturing love nest in just a few hours seemed impossible, but I decided to just do the best I could to make it look better and not be too much of a perfectionist.

So hooray! We put on some great music and had a good time planning and executing our plan, I steered clear of the emotional mire, we had a nice evening with guests, we devoured an amazing Indian feast thanks to Sweetie’s culinary skills, our guests did the dishes (we should all be so lucky!) and the next morning our place looks great! I think we’ll do this again sometime, just like normal people do! 6 years ago

We have acquired quite a bit of new furniture recently, and it’s forcing us to rearrange and reorganize many of the spaces in our home. This weekend we began going through the kitchen boxes that have been in storage since we moved here, and sorting them into groups: things to keep in storage, things to bring into active use, things to give away, and projects that need work to become useful (like that great hanging fruit basket that needs a hook to hang from). 6 years ago

after a stalemate of many months. It feels like we are a team again.

A month or so ago sweetie rented a Rug Doctor and we shampooed everything we could get our hands on. Then, just before Thanksgiving, he invited a friend over to help while I was away. When I came back, we had a dining room! We were able to put it to immediate use and entertain his family over the holiday. I have been longing to entertain ever since we first moved in here.

Last night as I was about to hop onto my elliptical machine, sweetie invited me to try his custom “Box Moving Glute-Buster workout” by moving about 50 of his boxes down into the basement. He didn’t have to ask me twice! (I moved them all myself, and he encouraged me to run the two flights back up the stairs for maximum cardio.) What a workout! But it felt great to create that much living space for us to share. 6 years ago

But right now I am feeling empowered and optimistic and hopeful. One day there won’t be boxes in the living room. One day we will be able to entertain.

The thought of buying a house together is making me take another look at this issue. I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life! Sweetie and I had a pretty good conversation about it the other night, and I think we can work together. 6 years ago

We’ve been living together since the beginning of the year and there are still boxes everywhere and the kitchen is a disaster.

This week I was away for a few days, and getting back really didn’t feel like coming home. I feel like I’m being negative or bitchy, like I shouldn’t feel this way, like I should just let it go and not “sweat the small stuff.” But honestly, this mess isn’t small anymore. When we moved here I was really looking forward to entertaining, in this large space we share.

I know this is something that needs to get negotiated in every relationship where people live together, whether they are romantic partners or not. But I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I am having a really hard time feeling the love.

I feel like I have to filter the frustration I share with him; I can mention it, but if I share too much it bums him out and then things are even less likely to change. But I can’t be positive and optimistic and affirming all the time, gushing and praising each tiny step in the right direction when it’s still a net loss each day—mess created outweighs the mess cleared. I know that I play as much a part in this dance as he does, but right now I am at a loss as to how to shift it. I feel certain it will jeapordize our relationship if something doesn’t change. 7 years ago

Gone! (to a coworker who is moving and needs them) 7 years ago

(that’s been sitting there since we moved in months ago) and listed a bookcase we don’t have room for on Craigslist, getting 3 immediate responses. Next we’ll make a huge run to the Goodwill to donate unwanted stuff, and our place will be that much closer to ready for the housewarming party! 7 years ago

There. I said it. I have publicly declared my husband a slob. It gets on my nerves. For many years our bedroom looked like a high school boy’s bedroom. Slowly over time he got rid of or boxed his teenage stuff. When we moved where we live now, our bedroom has a big walk-in closet and a smaller regular closet. We originally shared it but when we almost divorced in 2002 I moved out of the bedroom and downstairs in preparation of moving into a separate house. Then we reconciled, but I just took the smaller closet rather than mix all my stuff in with Brian’s again. Because in the few months our stuff was separate the walk-in closet just exploded with all his clothes and stuff.

I keep our bedroom reasonably clean. I dust and make the bed and sweep the floor and do all the decorating. Sometimes I think my husband is immune to household beauty. He doesn’t seem to care or be fazed by how…blah and junky our bedroom looks. His side of the bed is all junky with his clothes and papers and shoes and what-all; mine is clear. His closet is a mess, my clothes are all hung or folded. His side of the dresser top is all piled with stuff, mine is neat and organized. It’s not like I’m a neat freak, far from it. I just pick up after myself. I don’t understand why he won’t do the same. If he did it would totally change the ambience of our bedroom.

I got a free calendar from the Wildlife Federation last year filled with large stunning colorful photos of various flora and fauna. Since I already have a planner with a calendar in it and wasn’t going to use the WF calendar, I cut the big photos out and taped them, along with some pics I got from a National Geographic magazine, up along the borders of the walls in our bedroom. I like it a lot myself, and Brian said he likes it. For our curtain originally Brian just threw a sheet! up but I replaced it with a long billowing kinda-sheer white curtain. We have a big plant and a smaller plant on the other window ledge, which is really long.

I want to do a make-over on our bedroom, and do it with Brian’s participation. He will probably say ‘Oh whatever you want is fine with me’ but I think if he gets involved he will be more likely to help keep our bedroom nice and tidy; welcoming. I want it to be a mix of both our personalities and styles. I think it will be interesting for Brian to discover what he likes as far as decorating. I am sure it really isn’t cardboard boxes and clothes strewn everywhere. 7 years ago

We hit the jackpot at the thrift-store and got several really nice, barely-used chairs (one a compact little vinyl recliner, the other an office chair) for a total of $40. Then we spent our gift cards from the holidays on a big new rug for the dining room. I had my heart set on a bookcase and we didn’t find anything nice we could afford, but in the end we settled on some new boards ($3 each) to do the brick ‘n board thing.

The recliner will go in my upstairs workout room, so that can be a place we spend time watching TV together, while the one of us who requires more physical activity (that’s me) works out and the other (what a metabolism!) relaxes in the recliner. 7 years ago

How wonderful to bring our loved ones into our home. It makes the place feel so much more homey. 7 years ago

I had lived alone for so long… now it’s nice to be in here on the computer while someone else is making breakfast in the kitchen, and eight little paws are pitter-pattering around. 7 years ago

Damn, I am never moving in the winter again. I am exhausted.
I don’t even feel like going to the party I was planning on going to tonight, and that is NOT like me!

His dog and my cat have met face to face a few times without incident, but we are trying to keep them apart for the time being. 7 years ago

And now we are all here together at the beautiful new place: the cat, the dog, the man, and me. Quite a menagerie—feels like Noah must be around here somewhere. 7 years ago

Tonight they meet for the first time. Hold your breath. 7 years ago

Well, considering this is Minnesota in November, I guess anything’s possible.

Here is a picture of the parking lot of my old place on Saturday. I’ll post the “after” pic in a comment so you can see my new place the next day. It wasn’t 55 and sunny like I hoped, but it was almost 50 and most of the snow melted. Yay!

My move is 90% completed. 7 years ago

... even though I specifically ordered 55 and sunny for moving day! 7 years ago

His father passed away last week. The senior high-rise is going to charge some outrageous daily fee for every day after December 1 his stuff remains there.

So we’re going to do it all at once, while I’ve got the rented truck. Send us your good energies, wishes and prayers on Sunday! 7 years ago

And unfortunately my sweetie’s dad passed away earlier this week, so there’s been lots of family stuff.

But we’ve been sticking together—I feel like we’re a team. This is an excellent sign, as some of my other partnerships in the past have been less resilient or tolerant of stress. 7 years ago

There are so many things one can’t control when living with another person—like them.

Scary, but exciting too. Today we mapped out how we will use the space in our new apartment. I am so excited to have more space! I was feeling a little anxious about sharing, and had thought I needed really rigid boundaries about which space was whose. But I feel more relaxed now, like I can have what I need even if there isn’t a red line down the middle of the apartment designating whose space is whose.

My apartment looks like a warehouse, tall stacks of boxes everywhere. It’s only going to get worse until I move on the 27th. 7 years ago

Our home and our partnership can’t exist in a vacuum—we need the support of our families and communities. But last time I moved in with a partner, there was alot of tension with my parents about it. In the end I felt judged and I isolated myself with my partner, away from friends and family.

Sure, that was more than 10 years ago, and I knew it was possible my parents had changed in that time (god knows I have!)... but I wasn’t sure. I was nervous about telling them, but I just decided to keep it light and not make it a big deal. I forced myself to tell each of them in person (well, over the phone). But that’s better than telling them over e-mail or just telling my sister and waiting until they hear about it through the family grapevine.

Funny, my parents have always been pretty relaxed and liberal about most things (including sex and drugs and religion) but something about me moving in with my college boyfriend really pushed their buttons, way back when. (Could it have something to do with their not liking him from the moment they laid eyes on him?)

Of course it was fine this time and I’m sure they appreciated me being straight with them. I see this as just one important step in having a home that supports my whole being. 7 years ago

Remember that fabulous apartment I wrote about finding last week? It’s got enough space to house a whole family, and my partner and I have decided to create a home there together. I am moving in December 1, and he will move in sometime later in December.

By create a home I mean all aspects of this process: creating functional and beautiful space, creating a good energy and healthy habits in our partnership, and welcoming others from our larger families and communities into our home.

I’m sure I will be refining this goal as I proceed towards it.

So far we have had one good long conversation about our values and visions for our home, including some boundaries and ground rules. And we have been getting pretty excited about all the space and how we will use it. I wonder if starting some kind of counseling should automatically come with this higher level of commitment.

I once read a quote that applies:
“I’ll never have an unsupervised relationship again!” 7 years ago