constantly work at being a better mother

• “Life is a succession of lessons that must be lived to be understood.”
  - Helen Keller

I am really in my stride now. Ever since the breakthrough we experienced a few weeks ago it has been nothing short of joyous the feelings I have had of being a Mother to my Daughter. I never thought I would ever get to experience the easy and free attitude I have towards her. I guess I never thought I would ever stop holding back…

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
-Robert Fulghum

Not doing too well on this. Nothing I can really go into details about live on the web but I am taking stock of it in my journal and really hope that I can instigate some sort of perma-change soon. Not for my sake, but my daughter’s.

My daughter contracts chicken pox and I come into my element. The past couple of days has been spent caring for her as best as I can and generally trying to ease her discomfort as much as I can.

I have been cooking up her favourite meals and treats abound. In the guise of trying to distract her attention from the irritating symptoms I have even taken to allowing her to ride her bike indoors and as if that is not bad enough subjecting myself to the horror of all day viewing of CBeebies channel :p

Its the least I am prepared to put up with as she is being as brave as she could be, what with her whole bodily parameter being covered, not excluding her scalp, eyes, inner recess of her mouth and soles of her feet :(

you have to be prepared to give up something valuable to gain something that can never be taken away from you

I never realised that working at being a better mother could help me be a better daughter…

I have really worked at this. Really have! And its like going to the Gym, I can actually see all the effort paying off. And just like working out I can now do reps with ease that would have killed me off before. (just try and stick with the metaphor!)

So not only am I working out with ease and looking good with it, I find that there is other advantage. You know the serotim shizz.

Working at activelly being a good mom and doing quite well at it mkes me feel so good about myself it just reinforces the positive behaviour.

And yes, i might slip sometimes but i hve not only gone and conquered it!

I am starting to enjoy fittng what my daughter needs to do alongside my own diary. I am not talking about the fundamentals like going to school but stuff that are social motivators. Like ballet and learning the guitar. She turned around today and said, I like to do these things so I can learn. And by god what right have I got to inhibit that learning.

I do thank god that we are able to afford to do what we like to for the most part but I am also conscious of not just supplying to all her whims and demands. Not that she makes demands as such. But I watch to see if something is just a fad, something attached to on a whim. But then If I see the desire is sustained and dormantly present. Well, I have no problem to act at that point.

I shall end by saying that we picked up her half guitar from teh shop today. Bless!

My baby had her first ballet class today. It made me feel so good. She has been wanting to do this for so long. I guess the real test will come in the dark cold winter nights but even if it means serious cab fares to contend with she shall at least finish this term before I start shirking.

my only concern really is the distance and at 5miles I guess its not THAt bad. Anyway, its worth it alone just to see her beaming at seeing me at the door witnessing her ballet stomach. This consist of sucking in her gut as far inwards as possible.

Gosh, how much love do we have and how clearly do we recall when we have put them down for the night!

Also, I want to congratulate myself, she made it to school early every single day for the whole week. WOOT! No notes warranted :)

I refuse to buy her a million things this year for xmas to make up for my short fallings. I almost wrote inadequacy but that is an untruth and in this clear moment I can say that! So, yeah in the spirit of being a better mother I shall buy her just one or two presents at the most. I mean that and remember part of my 43 is “stating it and doing it”

I have started a closed journal so I can actually write about my daughter more and our relationship. Also, a safe place to bounce all the stuff that might be tripping me out. I am really motivated to do this. 43things is motivating me to take stock of many areas of my life.