never settle

Seems like there are so many times when I acquiesce, settling for the job with the paycheck instead of the lure, the weight I’m carrying around instead of investing in my own health.

at least for me. i believe in not settling, but sure means a lot of alone time. normally i don’t mind that. today i do.

perpetually recommends this goal for me. How does it know?

I clicked on “I want to do this,” because I do, but in some ways, some things, it’s simply too late for me. Life is not that simple. There is a school of thought that advocates choosing one’s battles, prioritizing one’s wants and needs, and yes, settling for some things in order to make others possible. A big picture approach, perhaps, but a valid one. What may seem like settling in the day-to-day may not be settling in the life scheme.

That said, I do think the message has value. Asking the question “Am I settling?” at each step or turn ensures that our choices are mindful and willful. There is value, after all, in that.

This goal has only been here seconds, and already it needs rewording, replacement, or perhaps reframing. Sigh.

I thought I met “him”... but now I think I’m just settling because he doesn’t understand the ways he hurts me. Never settle, never do that.

I wanted you to be the one
I wanted to stop looking
End this weird thing I don’t do well
dating
you are a guy all wrapped up in a pretty bow
i’d like to settle on you

but something is holding me back
I don’t know what it is
you seem to want me
but somehow it lacks sincerity

So I’m not going to settle
I won’t stop looking
I’ll keep doing the things I don’t do well
I’ll look beyond the pretty bows
I’ll settle when nothing holds me back

when I find sincerity in kisses
when I find safety in words and arms
when I find that my heart doesn’t care about its hesitations
when passion and truth melt together to identify love
then I’ll settle

when the questions in my heart are answered with exclamations
then I will settle!

when the universe sends me someone holding a bright red stop sign
then I will settle!

Until then I am sorry, but I am breaking up with my idea of you.

Simple not easy.. thats what it is thats what i want & thats what I’ll do..

no matter how hard & horrible & messy it gets..

Never settles!

and today I was thinking about him and I was thinking “do not count on him for anything”. I prayed about it and I was still thinking “do not count on him”.

hmmmm…

for Bs. for anything less than my goal weight. for imperfection. for ‘good enough.’ for boys who don’t deserve me. for boys i’m just not interested in. for pursuing a career just because it pays well.

for anything less than i deserve.
for anything less than the best.

I think this is a hard goal to say you’ve accomplished, but I think it’s safe to say I’ve got this one covered.

After a 2 year long relationship where we were talking about marriage, I realized that everything I’ve ever done, said, or thought about completely contradicted the way I was living my life. I don’t think that will ever change.

And seriously, if I could change it, would I?