never settle

I wanted you to be the one
I wanted to stop looking
End this weird thing I don’t do well
dating
you are a guy all wrapped up in a pretty bow
i’d like to settle on you

but something is holding me back
I don’t know what it is
you seem to want me
but somehow it lacks sincerity

So I’m not going to settle
I won’t stop looking
I’ll keep doing the things I don’t do well
I’ll look beyond the pretty bows
I’ll settle when nothing holds me back

when I find sincerity in kisses
when I find safety in words and arms
when I find that my heart doesn’t care about its hesitations
when passion and truth melt together to identify love
then I’ll settle

when the questions in my heart are answered with exclamations
then I will settle!

when the universe sends me someone holding a bright red stop sign
then I will settle!

Until then I am sorry, but I am breaking up with my idea of you.

Simple not easy.. thats what it is thats what i want & thats what I’ll do..

no matter how hard & horrible & messy it gets..

Never settles!

and today I was thinking about him and I was thinking “do not count on him for anything”. I prayed about it and I was still thinking “do not count on him”.

hmmmm…

for Bs. for anything less than my goal weight. for imperfection. for ‘good enough.’ for boys who don’t deserve me. for boys i’m just not interested in. for pursuing a career just because it pays well.

for anything less than i deserve.
for anything less than the best.

I think this is a hard goal to say you’ve accomplished, but I think it’s safe to say I’ve got this one covered.

After a 2 year long relationship where we were talking about marriage, I realized that everything I’ve ever done, said, or thought about completely contradicted the way I was living my life. I don’t think that will ever change.

And seriously, if I could change it, would I?

I am sooo used to being weird and out of place. But its only becauseI refuse to do anything that doesn’t align with my principles. I date out of my race….I do things that just are from my heart. And its dificult not to anymore.

So live and be yourself…..its sooooo sooo hard….but worth it.

I know that in everyday life, we settle for something, but on the big things-I intend not to. Especially when it comes to love. One thing that I have learned is I am happier without then I am with less then what I deserve. Not only is it unfair to myself, but to the other person involved. I hope I never check the “I’ve done this!” button for this on the big things.

I don’t know that I can ever tag the “I’ve done this” button on this one. Because … we’re all taught to settle. We’re all told that we will have to settle for less than everything we want, everything we deserve.

I won’t do it. But I’ll keep being tempted. This is never going to be done.

i have to stop dumbing down for people and start believing i deserve better even if it means waiting a long time for something of quality.