Well my name is Craig and boy I got some stories for you guys. I have always had lower self esteem which has been with me since early childhood. Growing up in the poorer section of a rich town in Georgia is where this all began. My mother and grandmother were very pretty and in no fault in them they kinda defined that looks meant a lot in society. By the time I was twelve I was very tall and super skinny with very uneven teeth. Everything I did no matter if it was a school test or playing Golf 9 out of 10 times that little voice inside my head telling me I wasn’t good enough would defeat me. In my early teens I found out I had esential tremor in my hands so when I get nervous or have to do teadous things with my hands they shake and until just recently it has really bothered me. Well I got braces and by the time I was 18 I was 6 foot 3 inches tall and about 190 pounds. So for my whole year of being 18 my life was good I had straight teeth looked good and then whamo I start loosing my hair. I know what you are thinking that my problems are far less worrisome than having cancer or other debilitating desies but people are cruel as you know and they were about my hairloss. I went through many years wearing hats everywhere and never asking anyone out. I looked good in hats and had many women come up to me at bars and in public I have always been good looking except my hair. I am tired of not feeling I am worth anything. I am tired of defeating myself! I am now 35 years old with a bald spot in the back of my head and some hair in the front…...this is my life currently as of today July 17, 2008….I went on match.com about 6 months ago and figured maybe someone will except me for my thin hair and just love who I am on the inside. I remember one night looking through the ladies adds and I found a woman for which was everything I ever wanted. Her profile was perfect and so very open and she was beautiful. So I winked at her as a joke I really didn’t think she would wink back at me….three days later she did and we have been with each other ever since which has been almost 5 months. This woman is very open I mean very open. She had her wild time in her mid twenties with drugs and she told me about all of it even how big her ex’s dicks were. That comes to my new fixation my dick isn’t big it is just 7” inches and her past fellas were over 10” so now everytime we have sex I think she is thinking in her mind how I cannot satisfy her the way they did. Ladies out there NEVER and I mean NEVER tell your boyfriend you have been with larger even if you have it will plague his mind. Well here goes the crazy part to my story we are getting married in January of 2009 she has bought her dress we have set up the whole gig and I bought her the ring and I still feel like this is all a big freaken joke and some movie company will show up and she will sell the rights to a show named “Date a bald Dork and fake an O with him every night while thinking about your ex’s huge dick” on tonight at 8 prime time…....so my fello friends how do I stop beating myself up. I feel I will destroy this relationship unless I get a grip with my fears and insecurities. What should I do? Any advice would be great my personal e-mail is greyghost1864@yahoo.com if you want to write me directly. You all be safe…..Craig
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no matter what i’m doing, i don’t care if i’m the best at it, as long as i don’t fail. i grew up believing that failing was the worst possible outcome, whether or not you gave your best, and now that philosophy is controlling my life.
yesterday someone told me that a project i completed was “excellent.” i turned to him and said “but it’s not GOOD.”
he looked at me like i was some pyscho crazy perfectionist.
i don’t want to live like this, because i hate it. i hate myself when i do it.
i want to fail and be okay with that fact.
I am so scared of failing at things that i never do them, but now that I stop & think about it… who cares if I fail at something; it’s not the end of the world and you can always try again.
I know that the only thing that is stopping me from being the best I can be, is me.
