slow down

memory like gary kasparoff required!

i am naturally a very goal orientated, competative and impatient person who likes everything done all at once, but it’s not helping me with this attitude.

I’ve determined that this is the foundation for everything I want to change about myself. If I can learn how to do this, I will be a better listener, won’t have as much anxiety, won’t feel the need to be defensive. I just took a huge breath thinking that I may have found the key to everything. JUST SLOW DOWN!!!

Life these days is so fast paced, with so many enticing opportunities and distractions, classes and commitments, that I feel overwhelmed. Living life to the fullest for me means slowing down, living in the present experience and savoring the moment. This is my goal: to recognize my own pace and march to it regardless of the rest of the world.

i drove slower the past two days. oddly enough i wasn’t as stressed out, AND there really is a difference in mpg…

Rush is the word that describes my life. I tend to overschedule, feel pressured to do things faster and feel that almost everything is urgent. Even when I am on leave, I would feel the need to make full use of the time and be very afraid to “waste time”. Sometimes I think that the reason for this sense of urgency and the need to be constantly on the move is that my mum always tell me that I should not waste time and laze around. Stoning and idling is something like a sin. This sense of urgency is really bad as I have difficulties relaxing and sometimes I try to delay going to sleep as I find that sleep is a waste of time. I know that it is irrational but I have difficulty slowing down without feeling guilty. However, I want to change this and I will start doing so from today!

I dropped two classes today. I was just cramming for the tests and not absorbing anything. Sometimes I feel the need to prove that just because I have kids doesn’t mean that I can’t do what would like. However I’ve come to the conclusion that full time job + full time school + 6 yr old + newborn baby = one stressed out mama.

Lightening my class load has already improved my outlook.

Since I made this goal, I’ve noticed that it is frequently on my mind. Most recently, I had so much to do at work. My adrenaline was pumping and I was stressed. I told myself to slow down, complete one task at a time, be “harmonious” and not “crazy”. It was awesome to be in control of my own feelings.

slowly…slowly… like an ent in the lord of the rings. What better way to slow down though? then to take your time doing it? I guess that means I’m really trying to do it. this is a tough one. I have been working on this subconsciously for some time now. But today, i reached a cross road, and am deciding to take the slower way through life. no point in rushing through life, no point at all.

This is in an effort to be “present”. Also, to stop being completely driven by the ol’ clock.