be honest with everyone including myself

I know this is terrible, but I don’t want to do this… I mean a lie by ommision is still a lie, but I don’t think everything needs to be said. I do things that would upset people but some things they don’t need to know. Theres a lot of times I wish I had just never found out things because I’d rather not know. So, I am quitting this.

Alright, I’ve decided I need to focus on the MYSELF part of this. Because I need to be honest with myself and being honest with others will most likely follow. At least that’s what I’m hoping. If not, well, then I’ll work on that when I find that out. However, while I’m actually much better about those “white lies” I still manage to tell myself things that aren’t true all the time, even if it’s just about how much I can accomplish in one day. The only problem is that: when I lie to myself I’m the one who ends up disapointed. Why should I continue doing that to myself?

I’ve been getting better. Even at the lying to myself. I’m trying to hold myself accountable for the things I say and the things I do. I’ve been working on being aware of how the things I do and say makes others feel. Because I think that’s how I lie to myself the most. I say that they should be okay with it, when I know I wouldn’t. I say I’m sorry when I’m sorry and I’m sorry more often than I was before. I’m getting there.
I’m not completely there yet. But I’m getting there.

you know what, i’d like to think i’m honest. however, isn’t omission a fomr of lying? i mean, i omit…a lot of things. i must figure out how to stop this bs.

halfway there…

i just need to stop lieing to myself…

im such a sucker…

I’ve heard it said that no one can lie to you but yourself. That’s one of those tricky things your exboyfriend says to you as he’s walking out the door that leaves you thinking, “Did he just blame this on me?” But, when I think about it, the sentiment itself is true: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. It’s my responsibility to learn from my mistakes (like believing a liar) and adjust my response mechanisms accordingly. What does this mean? Do I have to become suspicious of everyone? Do I have to release my “forgive and forget” lifestyle?

No, I don’t think so. Thankfully, I’m a woman with great intuition and I don’t really worry about that too much. Unfortnately, intuition doesn’t have a signal for self-deception.

I have to work out whether or not I lie to myself, making myself think that things are better or worse than they really are. How do I do that? This is some sort of tree-hugging self awareness nonsense, isn’t it? I like to think that I live in reality, but I still find myself sitting around and thinking, “Why didn’t I see that coming?”