be honest

I am much much better at this, it helps having SUCH an honest boyfriend, whenever I catch myself about to lie I think of him and know he would be disappointed in me! I think I am ready to do the if I can challenge – I can not tell a lie for 2 months from today I will mark this off!

This might be tough…somewhere in my growing years I seemed to have lost the line between sarcasm and lying. So on a quest to better myself, I m making this goal happen.

yesterday I rectified a lie I told. Well not a lie per see but an exageration about a competition i had won – which i did- but i made it seem like a bigger deal then it was at work, turns out the company who ran it is soon to be one of our clients, so i had to come clean so my directors didnt bring it up in a meeting and make fools of themselves. i just came straight out and said it. They were VERY accepting of it and i feel much better. Also I have realised that the reason i lied about this was it was such a big deal to me I wanted everyone to be as impressed as I was proud. I think I have to learn to appreciate my achievements in myself witout others approval and then I wont feel the need to exagerat e tot ensure I get it. Also that you never know wen a lie will come back and bite you, i never thought I would hear of this competition again but it just goes to show

I’ve only recently come to appreciate how much I deceive others. Not often in what say, but what I don’t say. And I don’t think of this as lying, for some reason. Having moved to a culture where people lie all the time and don’t seem to think it means anything, I’ve come to view white lies as something I don’t want.

If there is a situation in which I feel I shouldn’t tell the truth, I think the answer is to tactfully tell the truth. And get myself out of situations where I am compelled to lie. Part of that means not letting my parents (who lie all the time!) tell me what I should do. That sounds strange at the moment, but here is an example. At the moment I am missing work to help my Dad with something, and yes, I am technically ill, but not too ill to come to work. And he sees nothing wrong in telling me to lie so I can help him.

One thing I need help with is deciding whether adopting different personas should constitute lying. Around argumentative people I will often not say what I think because I know it will get us nowhere, for example. Hmm….

Caught myself mid lie today, and STOPPED!!

i created another me a long time ago when i could not live in my world anymore. only now, i have buried myself so deeply underneath all my creating, that i cannot find one thing about me that i can be sure was part of the original. i am the grettal in a forest where there is no bread to follow and even if there were, i would’nt know what home looks like even if i did arrive.

i tend to not say alot of things i should say, for the sake of not creating problems. it doesnt really help much, i just get frustrated that i dont say things just to keep others happy, even when its me who is suffering for it.
i resolve to tell people everything i want to, no matter how honest is, or how they respond.
if they respond badly its not my fault, right..?

And every time i lie, it takes a little more out of me. I’m going to work on always being honest, no matter what the situation. Because when i tell the truth, i feel good. and i want to have honest relationships with people. Hopefully writing about it can help.

I want to be honest.

Today I had to reply to an email from a girl I’d dated a few times, and tell her I wanted only friendship going forward, and why. My first instinct was to gloss things over, tell her the least hurtful thing possible…but I reminded myself of how I prefer to be told the brutal truth, rather than a gentle lie, because that way I can actually understand what happened. So, I did the same for her, and told her what things about her had made me uncomfortable, etc., though I tried to be tactful about it. I haven’t heard back yet, but I feel good having shown her enough respect to be up-front and honest.