overcome vaginismus

I was diagnosed two years ago and I had gotten the books/dilator set from vaginismus.com about 6 months after that. Spent a lot of time on support group forums, even got a “dilating buddy” (whom I’ve lost touch with since) and even though I was able to somewhat comfortably go through almost all the dilators, I lost motivation by having no boyfriend nearby… stopped dilating… and of course, by the time the bf came around we were back at square one.

We’ve decided we’re not even going to attempt insertion until we’re AT LEAST engaged and I was originally thinking I wouldn’t even try dilating again until he proposes, but I’ve recently started dilating again for my own benefit – I want to be able to use tampons or a divacup, I want to be able to get an gynecological exam, and I want to be confident and comfortable in my own skin. I would at least like to have a (mental) choice in whether to have sex (as opposed to having the choice always made for me by my discriminatory PC muscles, and that choice always being a vehement “HELL NO”).

So anyway, my success (so far, this time around): dilator #1 (smallest) – some burning, but less and less each time. I watch a movie and just sit there impaled, unmoving, for a couple hours. Anxiety is a little less each time too.

1 year plus married, but my husband and I have never had successful intercourse and yet I’m not pregnant but we really wish to. Suspected I have this vaginismus problem. How to overcome naturally?

Private Pain: Understanding Vaginismus and Dyspareunia by Ditza Katz and Ross Lynn Tabisel.
I’ve had this book for several years, but have not managed to finish it because it’s so emotional for me. However, I recommend it. There are many testimonials from women in the book, and how they got help. I ordered it online from a private practice in New York that specializes in treating this issue. www.womentc.com.

I am relieved to see that I’m not the only woman dealing with this! I guess I’m not alone after all.

Im a girl and just turned 20 years old. I believe I am still generally a virgin. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We have tried having sex many times, and everytime it seems like no matter what I do there is like a blockage from letting his penis in me. Just recently did I read about Vaginismus after looking up online “why my vagina might be so tight”. The whole thing has been very frustrating for me and has recently become upsetting because we have been trying more lately to have real sex. I read about Vaginismus and I do believe I have it. I have always been afraid of sex and a guy’s penis going in me, because of being afraid of the hymen having to break and the pain associated with it. I do not have the money to afford the program on Vaginismus.com and it’s frustrating that I dont. I am going to try and get through this myself, and with my boyfriend. I figure he can finger me day by day slowly and slowly use more fingers, in replacement of vaginal dilators. Hopefully this will work because I need to have actual real sex here soon. He deserves it and I have been ready for a long time now.

Unfortunately, my wife is still in denial and thinks that the reason we can’t have sex is because I am not a real man. She thinks a real man can make his penis hard enough to break past her vaginal muscles. She refuses to admit there is any problem with her. I take all kinds of ED drugs to aid me, but she has only done the cylinders twice and the last time was like 2 years ago. And banging my penis against an impenetrable barrier just can’t keep me hard no matter how much Sildenafil I take. She just never seems to want to even be intimate with me. Not even intimate conversation. It’s just so depressing. I’m 36 years old and still a virgin. I just don’t know where I can turn! I wish there was a support group like Alinon for husbands of women with vaginismus.

There is a GREAT website http://www.vaginismus.com/

I read it for hours and hours. They have all kinds of information, stories and things you can order to help. I recently purchased their kit that comes with vaginal trainers, a book, a journal and some other stuff.

I have just started reading the book and working through the journal. For the first time, I feel optimistic.

Good luck to everyone.

Please don’t despair … there is hope for a bright outcome. I’ve recently overcome this significant challenge by doing work getting comfortable with myself and my sexuality … and learning to pleasure myself to regular daily+ orgasms (using vibrator) and becoming more and more comfortable with that very experience. I’ve also made a serious commitment of telling my partner when it hurts .. and not just tough through it. Clearly my former fear of hurting his feelings hasn’t worked!

Figure out where your individual block is based .. and do your homwork to figure out how to take steps to overcome it. Then plod through them, day after day, after day. Keep motivated knowing there is a better way to live !

Be brave – it’s worth it! :))

Little Tenacious Gal

“7 people want to do this…”
Those are the best words I’ve seen in awhile. A week ago I didn’t know that my problem had a name, let alone that there were others trying to overcome the same thing. And I am in awe of those of you in the completed column-I hope to join you someday.

I guess I do feel like a bit of a war zone. So many people need me – want me, and although I love them all (my beautiful children and husband) their needs often seem at odds with my own.

Not for him, but for me. I finally need to find a cure for vaginismus and hope that libido will follow. I need help and don’t know how to find it. There are several people on this site with the same goal or who have already overcome vaginismus. I can’t figure out how to send messages directly to anyone, though. It’s all rather frustrating. It is such an embarassing disease that there seems to be no support. None of my doctors can help either. It really does make a person feel rather alone. Like even my own body is rejecting me.

If anyone out there has the same goal or has overcome this and can figure out how to send messages, I would love to get some help and to offer support to others.